It’s no secret that romantic couples are physically intimate, and that this fact is often a key factor in their relationship.
But the rest of us don’t necessarily need to be reminded of this fact by being able to overhear them, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Agreeable-Ad-8113 thought it would be fine to be with his wife when they were both in the mood, despite the fact that his brother-in-law was staying with them.
But when his brother-in-law and additional family members complained about the incident, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he and his wife had somehow been inconsiderate.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for my wife’s brother hearing us do it?”
The OP’s brother-in-law recently visited their home.
“My wife (25 Female) and I (26 Male) live by ourselves in an apartment.”
“Her brother (30s Male) is visiting from out of town.”
He did not appreciate their activities while he was visiting.
“One night, my wife and I got a bit frisky and started having sex.”
“Her brother heard from our spare room and decided to complain to her parents that we were being too loud and not taking his feelings into consideration.”
The family got involved.
“Her parents sided with him and are giving us a whole lot of grief because he overheard us.”
“After this, I said he can f**k off and stay with his parents while he’s here because it’s my house and I’ll do whatever I want in my house.”
“My wife thinks I’m overreacting and we should just not do it while he’s here.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some didn’t think it was that hard to be quiet or wait until the brother-in-law (BIL) leaves.
“YTA. It’s the polite thing to do to f**k quietly when guests are in the house.”
“Would you do the same if your parents were in the spare room? Grandparents? What about young nieces and nephews?”
“Think a little. He didn’t need to hear you and his sister boning. It’s not like he’s staying in town indefinitely.” – liquiditygentleman
“YTA. Yes, it’s your house, but he was a guest in the house, as well as being family of your wife, and you should feel very embarrassed about the situation.”
“In addition, he is a member of the family, so it’s gross if you have no issue with him hearing you or her.”
“Your wife is correct that you are overreacting, and yes, you shouldn’t do it loudly if he’s around.”
“It’s not like he will always be there, he’s only visiting and doesn’t live there, so you should be able to have some self-control for such a short amount of time.”
“You probably would hate to be in his position yourself, so why put someone else through that? YTA.” – stargazingartist
“YTA, I really don’t understand when people just can’t be considerate. How hard is it to not f**k for a couple of nights or just one night? Like, come on.” – Silver_Advantage_536
“Look… kinda YTA. I get it’s your home, and you can do what you’d like, blah blah blah, but ‘don’t f**k loud enough to disturb your guest’ isn’t an unreasonable ask.”
“And listening to your siblings have sex is an uncomfortable situation for both siblings, so it’s no wonder your wife isn’t enthusiastic about having sex, knowing her brother can hear her.” – Wrong-Construction40
“I don’t know why I’m shocked that people seem to think it’s okay to loudly f**k while you have guests just because it’s ‘your house.’ Do y’all really have that much trouble abstaining for a day or two?”
“Maybe brother didn’t need to run to his parents, but y’all can keep your hands to yourself while you have guests. YTA.” – fluffyoustewart
“ESH. He should have communicated his concerns more effectively. Out of the two of you, though, you’re more TA. Having a guest should entail being a good host, and therefore adjusting your normal behavior for the comfort of your guest(s).”
“While you shouldn’t have to abstain from sex while he’s there and you’re in your own room, being aware of how loud you are shouldn’t be an unreasonable ask.” – ea77271
“I wonder how far the ‘it’s my house, and I can do what I want’ ideology goes.”
“Would you be all naked in front of your BIL? Why not? It’s your f**king house. It’s your house, you can do what you want, and if he doesn’t like it, he can leave.”
“You’re being an inconsiderate jerk and a petulant child all at once. You’re basically taking your ball and going home by telling him to d**k off.”
“Be a considerate host. Quiet down your f**king, or wait a couple of days until he goes. YTA.” – dirkMcdirkenson
“One of the things about being an adult and having sex is being aware of your surroundings and who you might be sharing a space with. You stated that you did nothing to mitigate any noise, so in that sense, you and your wife suck.”
“However, adults have sex, and that’s a fact of life. Your BIL had multiple choices to consider before running to his parents.”
“These include turning on a TV, using headphones, or the wild thought of accepting that married people have sex and mentioning that he can hear you. So you can then make adjustments.”
“There is no way that it’s reasonable to ask you to refrain from sex with your wife in the privacy of your own bedroom.”
“Asking you to keep the noise down is a reasonable request.” – A-typ-self
Others were angry about the brother-in-law (BIL) involving the parents over this.
“Normally, I’d go for esh because if you have a guest, it’s not the worst thing to be mindful of volume. And he does need to respect your marriage and that you can do what you want in your home.”
“However, you get a resounding NTA, because he got the parents involved. What he should have done was cringe (as any sibling would), get out his headphones, and approach you politely the next day to ask about you toning it down. But he didn’t.”
“NTA. Do not let Little Boy Blue-balls cramp your style because he’s jealous y’all have each other for freaky fun times, and he’s solo.”
“Or he’s at least solo on this trip, as OP doesn’t mention an SO staying in their guest room, too. Although if he’s b***hing to mommy and daddy about his sister’s bedroom affairs, I’m going to guess the dude is single.” – thimbleful_of_f**ks
“ESH. OP is definitely overreacting to what happened, but I understand why he would be since BIL definitely escalated by deciding to tell the in-laws and complain instead of just casually mentioning something the next morning and politely asking them to keep it down or something.”
“I’d let him know that wasn’t cool and ask him to bring any further complaints to you or your wife directly.”
“You should also respect that there is someone else in your house who doesn’t want to hear that and at least try to keep it down or abstain while he’s right in the other room.” – amp_ro
“What is the brother, twelve?”
“It’s none of his business what you do. He can just tolerate it. And it’s especially none of your mother-in-law’s business. He shouldn’t be complaining to her about it.”
“Maybe he should sleep out in the graveyard or someplace.” – AntelopeOld8683
“I’m somewhere between NTA and ESH. You should have kept it quiet to be a polite host, sure. But, it is YOUR home.”
“Per the comments, BIL is a 30-year-old man. Him calling to complain to his parents is such a childish and immature way of handling this situation that it tilts the scale, to me, in your favor.” – Gramslamurai
“He complained to his parents!! He’s an adult… you and his sister are adults, and you live together. Surely he knows that there’s sex happening.”
“I assume it wasn’t an all-out session that lasted hours and kept him awake half the night. Tell him to grow up… buy earplugs or listen to music, etc.”
“He told on his sister! That’s the funniest thing. He needs to go stay with his mommy.” – deathandtaxes2023
“If you aren’t paying someone for your stay, then you have to adhere to whatever their household norm is as long as it’s not illegal.”
“Sorry, that’s how life works. Yes, staying with your mid-20s sister who is with someone in their mid-20s involves the risk of hearing them have sex. Is that really that farfetched?”
“I bet the brother learned a lesson that day he won’t forget. You can’t stay with someone for free and ask the hosts to not have sex. That’s weird and, frankly, a clear beggar trying to be a chooser.”
“The mooch should’ve stayed at a hotel.” – diputs-era-uoy
While the subReddit could concede that the OP was in his own home and should be able to do what he wishes in that space, many felt that a little consideration would go a long way. Even observing the volume, or creating competing noise with the TV, would have made a difference.
Because at the end of the day, the guest was also family, and family hearing other family members’ intimate moments cannot be the most enjoyable for anyone.