Couples deserve to have the wedding of their dreams, as long as it fits their budget.
Unfortunately, having lavish wedding plans came at an emotional cost for one family.
Redditor [deleted] is an engaged 28-year-old male who has a 25-year-old sister, also engaged.
When the siblings shared wedding plans with their parents on Zoom, the teleconference session did not evoke warm, sunny feelings.
The Original Poster (OP) visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for having an expensive wedding?”
The OP began the post stating this was a throwaway.
“My fiancée (27 female) and I have been dating for about 4 years now, and I proposed last month. We immediately started wedding planning, as we know due to the pandemic we can’t do anything else.”
“we also have bought a nice house (already finished the down payment), so marriage is the next step. We deduced that the date has been set for September 2021 and the venue will be able to support our large number of guests.”
“It is also one of the premiere marriage locations.”
“My sister is also engaged to her fiancé. On a zoom call with our parents we were both discussing our weddings. I told them our proposed location and my parents immediately started gushing and my sister thought it was a joke.”
“She has heard of the place and it’s insanely expensive. I told her no it was not a joke and it’s really the place. She asked what our budget for the wedding was and we told her 75k.”
“She immediately began crying. My sister always wanted a grand wedding, but she works as kindergarten teacher and her husband is an elementary school teacher. Their gross income is roughly 60k a year.”
“My wife’s parents are quite well to do, and she herself is a Lawyer and I’m a Computer Scientist in Apple and our gross income is well over 500k a year.”
“The rest of the call was awkward as my parents were trying to console her. As of now her wedding budget is 5k and my parents (who don’t have a lot of money) are trying to give her some money.”
“I tried telling her backyard wedding’s are also great but she got furious at me. After the call my sister messaged me if I was willing to give her money for the wedding.”
“I told her I would match her 5k, nothing more. She got upset and told me if it’s just for the memory we can also have a backyard wedding.”
“At this stage I was fed up and told her if she wanted a grand wedding she should have married someone with money or make more herself. She didn’t take this well.”
“Our parents are neutral but I feel that they think I am in the wrong. So AITA?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors weighed in with their mixed feelings.
“YTA for what you said to your sister about marrying someone with more money. Not an a**hole for having an expensive wedding or not helping her, although you clearly are able to.”
“That is up to you, but you didn’t have to be mean about how much money her fiance makes.” – lihzee
“Why isn’t the sister an AH for demanding unreasonable things and getting upset when OP says no? I think ESH is more appropriate.” – InspiredPanda526
“She didn’t demand anything, she asked for help and he said no. That’s fine. I said that in my comment.”
“However, his comment about marrying someone with more money/making more money herself pushed it to him being an a**hole for me. He didn’t have to be mean and uppity about how much money he and his fiancee have.”
“He could have just made his offer, declined more money, and stopped the conversation.” – lihzee
“She didn’t just ask for help, though. She asked for help and then said that OP should have a backyard wedding, too. OP offered 5k, but that wasn’t enough.”
“OP’s sister couldn’t leave it at that. She had to go further and say that OP should change his wedding, presumably to meet his sister’s wants. This is definitely AH territory.”
“Secondarily, OP is kind of an AH for saying she should’ve married someone with more money, that’s why I think ESH is more appropriate, as stated above.”
“As a side note, I do think he’s less of an AH, because he was provoked by sister’s poor behavior but ultimately, they’re both acting like a**holes.” – InspiredPanda526
“He actually said marry someone with more money OR make more money herself. The point was that she was the one demanding money from OP and he simply pointed out that if money was that important to her she should make more of it, or marry someone who does, rather than beg her siblings for it.”
“SHE is the one making it about money here and OP is NTA.” – zukolover96
“He’s an AH because he’s tactless.”
“I mean the comment you’re responding to literally says he’s not an AH for the money, expenses, or unwillingness to share. Just how OP handled it and the tactless language used. So what makes you think they’re trying to say he’s an AH for having money?” – bromst_
“His comments totally made me think of Yzma – ‘you really should’ve thought of that before you became PEASANTS!’”
“It’s awesome for him and his wife to made a cool half mil a year before hitting their thirties. He’s not obligated to tone down his wedding for her or to give her money, but to just say ‘oh well if you wanted to have a nice wedding, you should’ve married rich like I did! Or like, make more money!’ is such a d*ck move.”
“Yeah, her reaction is obviously emotional and not fair to him, but tact and grace are free. He doesn’t talk of a pattern of sister being entitled to his money and any normal human being is going to be hurt to see your sibling splurge 15 TIMES your budget on his own wedding.”
“He’s also mad she threw his words back in his face and she made a fair point – if backyard weddings are sooo nice and cute and just as good as a big fancy wedding, why aren’t you having one?”
“Like, she’s not an idiot, she sees a condescending comment when she sees one, and OP’s just mad he got called on it. There’s a million ways to say ‘I’m sorry you’re hurt, but I can’t help that and this is what I can contribute to’ without chucking out Paris Hilton sound bites.” – crystalzelda
Overall, there were two camps of Redditors – one that thought the OP was heartless with his comment suggesting his sister should marry an affluent person, and the other that thought the sister was making unreasonable demands.
Hopefully, the two siblings can resolve their feelings so they can celebrate each other’s wedding day without resentment.