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Guy Devastated After Finding Out His Wife Lied About Having A Miscarriage And Got An Abortion Instead

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A miscarriage can unarguably be one of the most traumatic experiences for couples—especially for the expectant mother.

So when Redditor ThrowRaconfusedhubs found out the horrific news that his wife had miscarried, he set aside his own sorrow so that he could be emotionally available for her.

However, nothing could prepare him for the revelation to come.

The Original Poster (OP) took to Reddit’s Relationship Advice column and asked for help from the online community of strangers.

The title of his Reddit post read:

“My wife lied about having a miscarriage and instead had an abortion, I don’t know what to do now?”

The OP took readers back to earlier in his marriage.

“My wife and I have been married for 3 years and for the past year we have been trying for a child.”

“We both wanted to have children and after we got married we decided to first buy a house and get things in order financially before having children.”

“Last year we both mutually agreed that we were in the right place to try for a child, in fact it was my wife who put the idea forward.”

“A little over 8 months ago my wife found out she was 6 weeks pregnant with our first child.”

“I was elated, I had always wanted to be a father and it seemed like something I never thought was possible was coming true.”

“My wife and I began buying parenting books, planning a nursery, just doing all the stuff first-time parents do. I had never been happier at this moment.”

It wasn’t until he was away when he heard the unfortunate news.

“Several weeks later, I had to fly out of the country for a work conference. I was gone for about 8 days. Whilst I was abroad, my wife called, she was crying and told me she had a miscarriage.”

“She was 18 weeks pregnant at this point. I flew back home immediately and told work that I had a family emergency. I was devastated with the news, but I never properly mourned as I felt I had to be emotionally strong for my wife who was a wreck.”

“This was a tough period for both of us, but I thought we had come out stronger as a couple. I knew I had to give my wife some time and space before we could approach the subject again, especially with this being, what I thought, her first miscarriage.”

The OP later found out the truth about his wife’s miscarriage.

“However, a week ago, a friend of my wife’s called and told me she had something important to tell me. Apparently my wife had scheduled an abortion, whilst I was away at a conference.”

“My wife’s reasoning being that she wasn’t ready to be a parent. My wife also said she didn’t want me to know about the abortion because I was so excited to be a parent and she didn’t want to hurt me.”

The OP never clarified if the reasoning came from his wife or just from her friend however.

In the end he had nothing but unanswered questions.

“At first I didn’t believe this to be true but after confronting my wife she told me that yes she had in fact aborted our child.”

“I’m in shock right now. I’m hurt, angry and upset. I just don’t understand why she didn’t just speak to me about it.”

“Maybe we could have talked this through, but right now I’m so mad that she went behind my back and led me to believe she lost our child. I understand that my wife is the one carrying the child, and at the end has the right to make any decision she wants, but why lie about the whole situation.”

“I don’t know whether to carry on with the relationship or not. I love my wife but this is a huge betrayal to me, and I can’t even look at her right now.”

“She’s currently crying and begging me to forgive her, I’ve just gone down to the spare bedroom and locked myself inside. Please someone just tell me what to do.”

This Redditor suggested that the only way to get through this is for both the OP and his wife to seek counseling for respective reasons.

“Assuming you don’t walk out of the guest room and immediately file for divorce, Personal, and couples therapy.”

“She’s going to need to work through why she felt the need to lie, and why she’d TRY for a child when she’s not ready to have one.”

“You’re going to need to work through your feelings of betrayal so you can trust (anyone you might be in a relationship with) again.”

“You both are going to need to work through what needs to be done to move forward, or if moving forward is even possible.” – monkey_mcdermott

This Redditor pointed out the timeline of the pregnancy and speculated different scenarios.

“OP said their families knew about the pregnancy. I’m wondering if she found out about a major deformity and hid it from him or possibly a paternity test with another man.”

“I’m all for a woman’s right to choose, but the lack of communication here is astoundingly toxic for a loving relationship. This is like “living a lie” level deceit.” – DekkarMoonbootz

This Redditor also noticed other key points missing from the wife’s explanation that would allow readers to fairly assess the situation.

“I keep going back to why she waited until he was out of town AND why she felt she couldn’t talk to him about it.”

“I think there’s more to the story than OP let’s on about how the pregnancy (or the treatment of her during her pregnancy) was going.”

“There’s a hundred things that could have gone on here, a few you mentioned about defects or cheating. Is OP pro-life and she was scared of going against his beliefs?”

“Is OPs wife just a sneaky, dishonest person? Did OP become controlling? Or the opposite, apathetic to her and only care about the baby? So much more information and context is needed here.” – shoobwooby

Redditors’ skepticism grew and more questioned the veracity of the story.

“This makes me wonder if the story is even true.”

“I’m a lifelong advocate for women’s right to choose, and it is very unusual for someone to choose to have an abortion at 18 weeks for non medical reasons.”

“Extremely rare for someone to set up a whole nursery beforehand and then lie to the spouse. Either this story is fake or his wife is genuinely very screwed up.” – Hatecookie

But this person recommended for the OP not to be too quick to judge.

“In addition to ‘way more to this story’: 18 weeks is really late for an abortion. Many places don’t allow it unless for medical reasons. Something might’ve been wrong with the child, or with her, and she’s ashamed for something that really isn’t her fault.”

“There’s a multitude of valid reasons to do as she did, so don’t be too quick to judge, OP.”

“Therapy is really the only way to find out her reasoning – could be nefarious, as some suggest, could be a health issue with herself or the child.” – Ylaaly

Based on the information provided, this Redditor suggested how the OP can proceed from this.

“The insurmountable problem is that she unilaterally made the decision & carried it out secretly then lied about it until she was busted.”

“For me, that amounts to deal breaker behaviour & I couldn’t ever see her the same way ever again.” – The_SugarPlum_Fairy

As far as this Redditor was concerned, the wife can no longer be trusted.

“If she is willing and able to carry on a lie like this imagine how easy it is for her to throw out the little lies as if they are nothing.”

“I wouldn’t trust this lady to get my Sunday paper let alone share my life with.” – dalernelson

“While I agree with others saying her body, her choice (which at the end of the day it totally is), the fact that she lied about having a miscarriage is horrible.”

“She led you to believe your future child had passed instead of talking to you about how she was feeling.”

“A marriage is supposed to be a partnership and if she can’t come to you about something that will affect you both, i’d say you have a lot to think about.”

“The fact that she lied and acted as if she lost the baby when she had no intention of carrying on with the pregnancy doesn’t sit right with me.”

“To think your wife could lie so well about something so major, for presumably an extended period of time would have me questioning what else she could or has lied about.”

“At the end of the day if she wasn’t ready to have a baby it was the right thing to do, as devastating as it may be for you. But she shouldn’t have kept you in the dark and lied to you.”

“If I was in your shoes I’d sit her down and have a frank discussion about how this has made you feel, but also listen to her and find out how she feels. There may be more to this than just ‘not being ready to be a parent’.”

“Therapy is an absolute must here. Both as a couple and individually. If you love her and want to work through this that is the first step, but it may be a long road.”

“I wish you luck, and I am so sorry for your loss.” – FilthyCade

The OP returned with an update to say that he didn’t expect his post to “blow up like this” and added:

“My emotions are all over the place and I’m a mess right now but once everything is sorted I will try and update you on the situation. Thank you for your support.”

The thread was locked by moderators to prevent additional comments from being posted.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo