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Woman Stunned After Half-Sister’s Husband Admits That He’s Developed A Crush On Her

Couple arguing
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Meet Redditor Fresh_Ad_7431, a 31-year-old woman facing a family dilemma that unfolded on the “Am I The A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Her half-sister Ellen’s husband, Tom, confessed to having a crush on her, leading to a series of events.

Now, the Original Poster (OP) is questioning whether she was wrong for spilling the beans to her dad.

She asked:

“AITA for telling my dad the real reason my half sister won’t be in the same room with me?”

She went on to explain:

“I [31-year-old female] have a half sister, ‘Ellen’ [34-year-old female]. Same dad, different moms, no I’m not the result of an affair.”

“Ellen and I are not close, and never have been, we only saw each other at family get togethers. Ellen has a husband ‘Tom’ (34).”

“Tom is a nice guy, and when she introduced him to the family, he and my husband hit it off, and my husband ended up hiring Tom to work for him.”

“Tom and Ellen got married and had a baby, and during this time they started having problems. I didn’t hear this from Ellen, but from my dad, and from my husband, who was told by Tom.”

“Tom then started staying really late at work and then progressed to coming over to our house often for drinks with my husband, and by extension, me.”

“He became a regular visitor to our house, and began unloading his problems.”

“This went on for about 8 months until one evening Tom was quite tipsy and admitted he’d developed ‘a crush’ on me.”

“Understandably, this meant he didn’t come back to our house (he has profusely apologised for this and we’re fine now, but obviously I just prefer some distance).”

“I guess that whole thing was a wake up call for him because he and Ellen started going to counseling.”

“During the counseling, he told her about what had happened, because Ellen called me and screamed at me for the whole situation.”

“She said she and Tom would never be in the same room with me again after ‘what I’d done’.”

“She made excuses for not coming to family gatherings I was at for a while before my dad confronted her and she said she and I had fallen out and weren’t speaking.”

“I went along with this because I didn’t want to tell my dad the truth either. It has been over a year of this.”

“But this all came to a head over my dad inviting both of us and our families to NYE and getting mad that Ellen wouldn’t come if I was going.”

“He started ranting at me that we needed to grow up and make peace and if we didn’t want to talk to each other fine but not being able to be in the same room was nuts.”

“I got sick of being berated and said I agree but it wasn’t me who started it. My dad then demanded to know what the fight was about and wouldn’t let up. Eventually I just told him.”

“He’s furious. He called Ellen and yelled at her, he called my husband and yelled at him.”

“He is seething that no one told him and that he has been acting like things are fine with Tom this whole time.”

“Ellen is furious with me for telling Dad, saying I did this on purpose and have ruined things with Tom after she’d worked so hard to fix them.”

“I feel bad for the results, but I also feel like carrying the burden of this rift that I didn’t cause was unfair on me in the first place.”

“I kept quiet when I didn’t have to, but once I was getting heat over it it just became too much.”

“AITA for spilling?”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

“NTA. Does Ellen know the full truth or just what Tom told her? Because she’s angry at you for existing as you’ve had no part in anything Tom has done.”

“Has she had insecurities with you before? It just seems like such an overreaction towards you for something you had no part in.” – RocketteP

“Tom has agency over his relationship with Ellen, and how he acts on his unreciprocated feelings toward you.”

“Ellen has agency over her relationship with Tom, and how she chooses to process his emotional infidelity.”

“You have no agency in this situation, given that you just happened to exist as yourself and Tom developed one-directional feelings while being estranged from Ellen.”

“Her blaming you for the situation is nothing more than displacement of her own anger at Tom and insecurity in her relationship with him.”

“She has nothing to be mad at you for, only Tom holds that burden for his emotions and her for whatever part she had to play in their early estrangement.”

“NTA” – Encartrus

“NTA, your sister made the problem about you, lied to your dad about what the problem was, and caused the rift in the family over her own insecurity.”

“You did the right thing in all of this, and you shouldn’t have to take the heat for being the adult in the room.” – MidwestPanic69

Wait… so Tom had crush you and your sister yelled at you? Blamed you? Go NC with her pls. And Tom is the actual AH here.”

“NTA” – Jhilixie

“I don’t think you were under any obligation to carry this burden quietly.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Who knows what she’s been saying?”

“NTA” – PotentialLeather8734

“NTA about this particular thing. But I think you should have done you sister a solid and sent Tom home when he started socializing frequently at your house.”

“Not because of the ‘crush’ but because presumably she was at home with the baby all the time.” – barkbarkkrabkrab

“NTA, you didn’t do anything. She’s weird for blaming you but working things out with her husband.” – Coyolxauhqui13

“NTA for spilling but YTA for allowing him to come over for eight months while your sister was home with a new born baby. Do you know how difficult it is in those first few months?”

“Couple that with post partum and martial issues. None of that is you’re fault but I think you guys enabled him and are now focusing on the wrong part of this.”

“It’s not really about the crush but more about the fact that you allowed her husband to ‘escape’ and drink in your home without so much of a heads up.”

“She feels betrayed. It feels a little weird that you could show compassion to her husband but not her.” – Parking-Bee-191

“YTA, but not for him hitting on you.”

“If your sisters husband, so your brother in law, was coming over for quite some time sharing all his marital problems…”

“…thats putting you in the middle and crossing a line while also not supporting your sister and taking sides by association.”

“You and your husband should have put an end to it long before he was spending all those days after work at your house hanging out and drinking with her husband …”

“…who is leaving your sister and her newborn baby at home.” – letsmakekindnesscool


“Apparently this is an unpopular take but why didn’t either you or your husband put a stop to these visits that were basically just Tom drinking and b*tching about his wife…”

“…while she was alone home with the newborn? That went on for months? While she took care of the baby alone?”

“Yeah if I found out my partner’s late nights at work were actually spent sh*t talking me to my sister and her fiancé I would be furious at everyone involved.”

“Tom’s crush isn’t your fault at all, but being mad that you and your husband knowingly left her in the dark on Tom lying about having to work late…”

“…when he had a baby at home is pretty valid.” – First-Entertainer850


“It’s awful that you are being blamed by your sister for her husband’s emotional infidelity and inappropriate comment. You did nothing wrong.”

“This is just another example of s*t shaming where men are never blamed for their reactions because obviously, the woman must have tempted him somehow.”

“But I am confused why you let this go on for so long without saying anything. Why didn’t you immediately tell your sister what Tom had said, instead of keeping it quiet?”

“Why didn’t you tell your father the truth a year ago, instead of playing along that you had fallen out?”

“You’re not an AH, but your silence hasn’t helped you in any part of this. The only person you protected was Tom, and to a lesser extent, Ellen.”

“In the future, I recommend you speak up immediately about anything like this. There’s a difference between creating drama and telling the truth.” – Cursd818

“ESH: Who is not an AH having their BIL over to drink all evening many nights when their S/SIL is home alone taking care of their first baby all day and night?”

“S/SIL is clearly upset for a good reason.”

“OP and her husband are AH for the asking/inviting/tolerating BIL’s coming over to drink hours many nights, thus avoiding a relationship with/responsibilities to his wife and their baby.”

“BIL is an AH for coming over and avoiding his marital and parental duties. OP’s father is an AH for somehow getting wrapped up in this as if it were his business.”

“S/SIL has clearly been deceived by her husband and excluded by OP and her husband — the least AH of the group here.” – Oyster3425

Nothing simple about this one.

Let us know what you think in the comments below.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)