Whether it’s our medical diagnosis, how often we’re seeing the doctor, or what sort of medications we’re on, our healthcare is an extremely personal subject.
So it can be a very difficult subject to broach with someone when you feel they aren’t taking care of their health in an appropriate way.
What happens when you confront someone with this opinion and it doesn’t quite work out as you’d hoped?
This was the problem facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) RoitersWw when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for some outside opinions.
“AITA for telling my girlfriend she’s seeing the doctor too often?”
He began with the background.
“I (26 Male) have been dating my gf (25 Female) for about a year.”
OP then jumped immediately to addressing his concerns.
“And she visits the doctor A LOT. And I mean… a lot. Like once or twice every month.”
“She claims that she’s having lots of health issues (hypotension, chronic migraines, a minor heart condition).”
“They all seem like minor issues (except her migraines) and I feel like she’s causing more harm than good by pumping her body full of pills.”
“She also developing a bunch of stomach ulcers due to all the medication.”
“And recently she had an allergic reaction to some antibiotics because apparently she’s been experiencing diarrhea for a week.”
“Her reaction was severe and she had a fever of 40+ °C paired with mental confusion.”
Then, he explained the actual problem.
The next morning I decided to talk to her about her frequent trips to the doctor.”
“I told her that taking too much medication might compromise her health further. That I haven’t met someone else that frequents the doctor as much as she does.”
“And I also bought up the fact that health care is expensive… and asked her how she’s planning on sustaining her lifestyle.”
“She told me that money isn’t an issue – that her parents are helping her out and she’s on a great healthcare plan.”
“And that I can’t compare her health to other people I know.”
“But I still feel like she’s compromising her health further….especially given her stomach ulcers.”
“I reminded her that she’s still young, and if she causes damage to her body now it might cause more issues in the future.”
“She got upset at me and said that I have no right to speak on behalf of her body. That she’s fully aware of the side effects of the meds she’s on, but that she’s fine with it.”
“She went to her parents and hasn’t returned yet.”
“She’s not talking to me either. I reached out to her parents to ask if she’s okay.”
“They say I was out of line, and that she’s dealing with a lot at the time.”
“She’s still recovering from her allergic reaction and they reminded me that illness is something that she’s been dealing with for ages.”
“She’s ignoring my texts and calls.”
OP was left to wonder.
“Was I out of line? AITA?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for another perspective.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
Responses were quick to point out OP’s lack of understanding.
“You are not a doctor and that is wholly apparent from the ‘pumping pills’ comment.”
“You have no right to be trying to give her ‘medical advice’ when you don’t know a hint of what you’re talking about.”
“What scientific basis are you going off? The side effects?”
“She knows about them. If she decided on this treatment she took that risk.”
“I really hope she finds a better treatment plan, one that doesn’t cause pain, but I would never tell her to stop seeking treatment altogether.”
“That is how you kill someone. I also hope she finds a good support system, one that doesn’t include you apparently.”
“I’ve been chronically ill for years and I’m just finally finding a treatment plan that works for me.”
“Couldn’t have done it without my friends and family.”
“If you’re not going to help her then you need to get out of her life.”
“If you want to try and change the first thing is to stay in your lane and keep your unsolicited advice to yourself.” ~ One-Stranger
“Chronic illnesses need a lot more doctor visits and medications have interactions with each other and every body is different so there is a lot of balancing.”
“Simply stopping taking medication can be more harmful than continued use.”
“Please curb your prejudices towards those with chronic health issues.” ~ RCKJD
Others shared personal stories.
“My sister went to the doctors for 3 years in considerable pain and the (male) gp accused her of being addicted to the pain medication they were prescribing while they barely looked into the cause.”
“- Eventually she was rushed to the hospital where, surprise! It was stage 4 cancer the whole time!”
“Luckily she got onto a trial for immunotherapy and it’s really helping her – her cancer is looking like it might be dormant now, 3 years later! -“
“But before the trial, even with chemo, her life expectancy was only months by the time they found it”
“YTA, op. Your girlfriend is doing what she needs to.” ~ olsbear
There were attempts to explain it all for OP.
“Well someone’s got this completely a*s-backwards.”
“She’s not sick because she’s going to the doctor a lot. She’s going to the doctor a lot because she’s sick.”
“She doesn’t need your unqualified advice or judgment on top of the health issues she’s dealing with.”
“YTA” ~ Sweeper1985
A scientist even weighed in.
“Biomed scientist here working in pharmaceutical RnD and was in pharmacy for 5 years.”
“Hypotension and ANY heart condition isn’t minor especially at her age, 90% of medication made for those conditions don’t cause stomach ulcers either.”
“If she stops her hypotension she will have a substantially high risk or a heart attack.”
“So no YTA it’s not compromising her health it’s preventing her having a heart attack at 25.” ~ Bhadieee123
Healthcare is as personalized as a fingerprint.
No two people are the same and every need is unique.
Be wary of those who think they know your body better than you do.