Marriage is a place to unabashedly be yourself without judgement, right?
Redditor EclecticB*tch is grappling with this exact question herself.
The Original Poster (OP) recently posted on subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for burping in front of my husband?”
She went on to explain.
“I’ve [30-year-old female] known my husband [30-year-old male] since high school. Been married a year now, and today he tells me that he gets uncomfortable when I burp.”
“When it’s just us.”
“I’m not a slob. I quietly burp and cover myself when in public, but my husband is my safe space, and felt like I could be myself and not worry about being judged or feeling uncomfortable.”
“He says that I’m too comfortable around him. But aren’t I supposed to feel comfortable around him?”
“I understand he feels uncomfortable, but I also can’t help but feel hurt at the fact that it feels like I can’t be my true self with him… I do say excuse me.”
“It’s in my nature to be polite, but of course, I’ve known this man for a long time and am now married to him…”
“Am I the a**hole for burping in front of my husband?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA. This husband, he never burps, farts… or picks his nose?”
“He’s never thrown up? Drooled when he sleeps? These things happen to human bodies.”
“I mean, if you’re acting like a jacka** kid and swallowing air on purpose to emit high-decibel belches, stop! But the soda burp or beer burp is all part of life’s effervescence.” – Inner-Show-1172
“NTA. And if your SO is uncomfortable with a burp? Don’t let him in the delivery room if you have babies.”
“The stuff that comes out of our bodies during delivery will have him swooning with the vapors. Just saying.” – reallynah75
“NTA. My wife and I have a vague rating system for her burps. If they are particularly loud and abrupt, I throw myself to the ground and pretend we’re under attack.”
“Tickles her something fierce.”
“ETA:”
“This is my highest updated comment to date about reactions to a burp. I f*cking love it.”
“My thanks to all of you, and my gratitude to the kind stranger who gave my comment this award. I am honoured.” – Dizzy-Expression8868
“NTA. If he can’t handle your burping, how will he handle it when you get sick or if you need to be cared for when you get older?”
“If you plan to have kids, how will he handle burping a baby? Or, god forbid, changing a diaper? He needs to grow up and realize body functions are just a part of life.” – EnvironmentalRuin863
“YTA. Apparently, unpopular opinion on Reddit: Our loved ones don’t deserve less consideration than the general public. They deserve more.”
“If you can “quiet burp” in public, why are you randomly doing gross loud burps in front of your spouse who’s trying to remain attracted to you?”
“Like, “safe space” is good, but “keeping the magic alive” is also good.”
“My answer would be different if the burps were accidental.”
“But you go out of your way to say you have full control over your burps, and your husband would be fine with the way you burp in public.”
“You’re just deliberately burping differently in front of him, and he doesn’t like it, and you don’t care. Which does make YTA.”
“Would you like it if your husband acted one way prior to marriage and then suddenly dramatically changed his behavior after marriage?”
“Would you not feel like he was taking you for granted like he suddenly considered you “trapped” after you said your vows, and now he doesn’t have to ‘try’ anymore?”
“Like his behavior while trying to get you to say your vows was an ‘act,’ and now that you’ve ‘committed’…”
“…he can stop ‘pretending’ to be the person you thought he was, and he can ‘be himself’ (his real self, the self he hid from you while dating) and blast you on the internet if you complain?”
“PSA: You at your slobbiest is not your “true self”. Yes, all of us burp, and poop. That doesn’t mean we have to burp or poop in our loved ones’ faces, or else we’re not being ‘authentic’.”
“It sounds like you’ve conflated the ideas of “being yourself” with “exerting no effort whatsoever”, and that’s just not reasonable.”
“If anything, our most real selves are the selves we are when we’re doing our best, which usually involves some level of effort and consideration for others.” – Em-Teshian
“Going against the grain here but NAH.”
“I don’t think you’re the a*hole for having a normal bodily function.”
“However, I personally also understand your husband because I have a similar mindset to him.”
“I really dislike when people burp/fart around me, I think it’s gross and ( since some people simply do it for laughs ) not funny at all.”
“I hold myself to the same standards ( literally cannot remember the last time I burped audibly, even when I am on my own at home. )”
“I think this is just something where you two have different perspectives on it, and that doesn’t make either of you an a**hole.”
“This is the same thing as not everyone being okay with sitting on the toilet with your partner walking in etc.”
“Not everyone has the same understanding of what goes in a comfort zone.”
“And it seems that for your husband, burping is one of those things he just dislikes across the board and doesn’t read as a positive sign of being comfortable.”
“Nonetheless, I don’t think you’re an a**hole for it. I just don’t think he is either.” – Kunimono
“YTA. Only on reddit is this a radical opinion. But…”
“OP, be comfortable around each other. But would you really want to be that couple that loudly farts, burps, and picks their nose in front of each other?”
“Yeah, they’re all-natural, but so is taking a dump, and you wouldn’t do that either.”
“Unless I’m totally wrong and burping is the only line he wants to draw, in which case I’m sorry.”
“OP, the occasional open-mouthed burp is totally fine and shouldn’t draw judgment. But doing it all the time is disrespectful and potentially smelly.”
“Unless you see your true self as a rude person, in which case, I’m sorry again.”
“I SHOULD clarify that if he’s judging you on an accidental burp, then NTA, but that’s not what I understood from your post.” – enrichyournerdpower
“I mean, are you being obnoxious about it? I had an ex who used to intentionally burp as loud as possible, and it was annoying AF.”
“When I burp, I keep my mouth closed, then let the air out. If it’s a big burp, I’ll crack my mouth open and probably cover my mouth.”
“I’m not making a f*cking trumpet when I do it. I feel like that’s common courtesy.” – xxDankerstein
“NTA”
“Heaven forbid, you burp? I thought we women didn’t burp, fart, sweat, puke, pee, crap…”
“Forgive my sarcasm, please. This is just ridiculous. How are you supposed to hold in body functions?”
“Wow. Don’t get pregnant with him. He won’t handle all the noises your body will make.” – Knickers1978
“Unpopular opinion but YTA . Only because your husband has given you a boundary, and you keep crossing it, ON PURPOSE. If it were accidental burps, then I’d think he’s going overboard.”
“How would you like it if you told your husband something you don’t like to see and he repeatedly does it because ‘it’s quirky’ and ‘should be my version of a milestone’ in a relationship?” – AskLatter174
“YTA”
“Just because you’re comfortable being complete natural self doesn’t mean he is. He tried to tell you. Not all families of origin are that comfortable with openly sharing bodily functions.”
“His family probably didn’t do that in front of one another so he finds it unattractive. He’s allowed to feel what he feels too.”
“It’s the little things that kill attraction. Continue at your own risk.” – princezznemeziz
“What the actual… you have been together since high school, and he’s uncomfortable with you burping?”
“Is it true for other bodily functions? If he thinks burping is gross, how does he feel about getting ill and sh*tting yourself?”
“I’ve known my partner three years [I am a 30-year-old female]. If I do a quiet burp, his default response is: pfft, that’s a weak one. You can do better than that.”
“One time, I absolutely belched, honestly shocking myself in the process, and could hear him p*ssing himself with laughter from another room.”
“I was like, “did you hear that?!” He couldn’t talk properly for a minute.”
“I am not going to spend the next fifty years of my life concealing burps from my partner. I deserve freedom and comfort in my own home.”
“I refuse to live under the constant anxiety of grossing out the person I’ve chosen to spend my life with.”
“Posts like this make me want to find an engagement ring. I better put a ring on that man and lock him… down for f*cking good.”
“Best of luck with your husband, truly.”
“NTA” – merryc4t
So, keep it sexy or keep it comfy?