Should a home be tailored to meet the owners’ needs or be focused on hosting guests? Can it be both?
How much guest space is enough?
A first time father turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback on this issue.
Competitive_Crew759 asked:
“AITA for refusing to turn my office into a guest room?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“We are about to have our first baby and currently have a 4 bedroom house—a classic center hall colonial with 1 Master, 2 guest rooms, and an office.”
“Having an office has always been super important to me because I am an industrial designer and gamer; I have a large desktop and a separate ‘design table’ with a 3D printer, tools, cabinets, shelves and a VR set up.”
“I’d just like to point out at this point that I’ve always put my wife first, I’m not that guy that ignores the wife and family to play video games. I’m only really on the computer if she’s not home or if she is sleeping and this has seldom been a point of conflict in our relationship.”
“There is no animosity between us, just a disagreement on how to use the space we have.”
“Now that we are having a baby, she really wants to put the queen sized bed from the guest room being turned into the babies room into my office (the smallest room) which will really be cramping the space and making VR impossible.”
“I’m obviously not a fan of this and would rather throw out the bed even though I hate the idea of wasting a whole mattress. The reason for this is to accommodate when either of our parents and families come and stay over as they often need more than 1 room.”
“However, we have 2 pull outs in our finished basement. They double as beds when it’s not being used as a movie theater/laundry room.”
“All together we have 3 pull out mattresses and 4 additional couches people can sleep on if needed. Not to mention 2 inflatable queen sized mattresses if we get really desperate—it has happened once.”
“I’ve offered to move my whole office to the basement, but she does not like the idea of not being able to reach me right across the hall if needed.”
“We are at a bit of an impasse and neither of us wants to budge. I keep arguing that the house should be made to meet our needs and not worry about hosting other people.”
“She thinks we should be good hosts since we are kind of the center point of our families for gatherings and stuff. We are also the only one’s in both our families that have the space to host everyone, so every holiday is usually at our house anyways.
“I don’t mind hosting, but I also don’t want to lose 50% of my office so that someone can crash there once every few months.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“Refusing to turn my office into a guest room to accommodate the new babyroom and the fact that we host a lot of our family holidays.”
“Maybe I should consider sucking it up for the baby and everyone and dealing with a cramped office. I really don’t want to though and would rather just tell people to sleep elsewhere in the house.”
“My house should accommodate my needs.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA now that you have a baby on the way, you have one less guest room. If guests need more than you can provide, they can stay elsewhere.”
“A possible compromise might be something like a murphy bed or something similar. A friend of mine has a cabinet that folds out to a bed, it’s pretty neat.”
“It’s good to keep it out of the way for day to day use of the room, but there if you truly need an extra bed. But with a baby, I hope most of your guests understand you have less space available for them to each have their own guest room.” ~ Jerseygirl2468
“Also, being that you’re starting your own family, there’s no need to keep up being the hub to host all the families. This is just a personal preference for me to be honest.”
“A guest room is a luxury, but multiple? Seems a silly priority to have over the needs/comforts of the people who actually live there.”
“Again. Just my pennies. NTA.” ~ BRLA7
“My guest room is a sofa bed in the living room. Both of our spare bedrooms are our offices, which was great when we were working from home during the pandemic. NTA.” ~ PDK112
“Our guest room is the upstairs playroom. We have an air mattress that people can use. Hope they don’t mind sleeping next to 10,000 Ninja Turtles and other assorted toys.” ~ Fight_those_bastards
“My uncle’s house had 3 bedrooms upstairs, a kitchen, dining room, living room, and a large and oddly-shaped den.”
“No guest room. 1 couchbed in the living room, and 2 in the den.”
“He and his wife offered my parents their bedroom, they took a couchbed in the den, and my sister and I shared the living room couchbed. The living room had big folding doors at either end that would be closed when it was our bedtime.”
“It worked out fine for everyone. NTA.” ~ fractal_frog
“Why change a space that is being used regularly by a person LIVING in the house so that persons NOT living in the house who visit on occasion can be comfortable? Heck no! NTA.” ~ One_Ad_704
“My husband is a visual artist, and we have a Murphy bed in our studio/office/guest room/library. It’s a great way to have a bed for guests but still use the room for other purposes. NTA.” ~ Denverdogmama
“NTA. The bed can be moved to the basement, or a temporary option (like an inflatable mattress) can be used in the nursery (or even your office) only when guests are there. Don’t give up the home you live in for the occasional guests.”
“Having an office is a reasonable use of the space by the people who live there. It’s great that you have so much space for so many guests, but she can work something else out to not cause problems the other 90% of the time.” ~ Tangerine_Bouquet
“NTA. It’s your house, it should be to accommodate you the person who lives there, not potential guests.” ~ J-littletree
“NAH, but you do not need that many people staying under your roof.”
“Hotels exist for a reason.”
“Two guest rooms is a luxury for people with more space than they know what do to with. That is no longer your household.” ~ StAlvis
“We had two offices and a guest room before our baby was born. We both work from home, so the guest room became the baby’s room and now we have no guest room. Our day to day is more important than an occasional visitor.” ~ ho_hey_
“NTA. You have another guest bedroom and various other options. You should be allowed to have your own space.”
“It would be different if there were no other options.”
“To design your house around people who occasionally visit is crazy to me. It is for the people who actually live there. Their comfort should be priority.” ~ catladyclub
“NTA. Sell the bed and buy another fold out if your wife is worried or get a beautiful murphy bed so you don’t lose any space.” ~ MrsNobodyspecial67
“NTA. I am going to go against the flow and say that your office should remain your office. Do not plan to use any portion of your office as a guest room.”
“If your wife worked in a commercial office, would she want someone camping out in her work area? I don’t think so.”
“Your work area is just that whether you are actively working or not. In addition, it is your relaxing space. You will not have access to that area if someone is living there.”
“If the remaining guest spaces are not to someone’s liking, they can go stay in a hotel.” ~ OldestCrone
“NTA, but please make sure to check your ventilation set-up if you are 3D printing within a few feet of your child’s room. No need to mess with the kid’s lungs.”
“Honestly, once you explain that part of the set up, I doubt anyone will want to stay next to it anyway.” ~ HuskerCard123
“NTA. Guests are people who stay temporarily, so I feel like what’s best for them shouldn’t be prioritized over what’s best for the people who actually live in the home on a daily basis.”
“It just doesn’t seem like there’s a pressing need to move a bed into your office, and have you deal with a lack of space just because people stay with you a few times a year.” ~ YearOneTeach
The OP provided an update.
“I had never heard of a Murphy bed, but I looked it up and this looked like it would be a solid compromise.”
“So we settled on getting a Murphy bed. Thanks for the suggestions!”
The OP was judged to be not the a**hole, but they still found a compromise with their wife. It sounds like everyone is getting what they want here.