When tragedy strikes, family members have a way of disagreeing about how to process grief, just like they would disagree about anything else.
Sometimes a person just can’t understand how a person is processing their grief or how long it’s taking them, confided the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor babyshowerphotos understood that her sister was still grieving the loss of her husband and baby in a tragic accident, but at the same time, she didn’t think her own life should stop to grieve, either.
When her sister called her out for being insensitive to her feelings, the Original Poster (OP) questioned what she had done that was so horrible.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for posting pictures of my baby shower on social media?”
The OP’s sister recently lost her family in a tragic accident.
“My sister (32) and I (38) were pregnant around the same time. Her baby was due a month after mine.”
“Unfortunately, my sister and BIL (Brother-in-Law) were in a tragic accident a few months ago, and she lost the baby.”
“My BIL also died in that accident, so she didn’t want to see weddings.”
“We also had issues over BIL’s funeral which she went off at me for.”
“I had a dress fitting and had to go to the venue to sort something out after, so we didn’t attend the funeral. She was mad at me about that.”
“I’m trying to be patient with her because I get she’s hurting, but I can’t just put my life on hold.”
Her sister was unable to attend the OP’s baby shower.
“My baby shower was last week. It was just at my house with a few friends and relatives.”
“I did tell my sister I was having the baby shower, and she was welcome to attend if she wishes, but I completely understand if she can’t.”
“She said thanks and didn’t end up coming.”
“Afterwards, I posted photos on social media. Only two, one with all my friends and one with me, my husband, and our three-year-old. I had the caption, ‘Growing our beautiful family.'”
The social media post backfired.
“My sister sent me a text about the photos and the caption.”
“I replied that I was sorry, but I told her before I was having the baby shower.”
“She said having it was fine but got upset at me ‘flaunting’ it.”
“Again, I said sorry she feels this way, but I do want to share my news too.”
“Mom saw my post and said I should be more understanding of my sister’s situation.”
The OP didn’t understand her sister’s concerns.
“My husband thinks I’m fine, and it’s literally just a photo.”
“I do get she’s sensitive, but this isn’t the first time it’s happened. I got married in November (after the accident), and she didn’t attend the wedding, which again, I completely understand.”
“I posted wedding pictures and videos, and she didn’t like that either. I understand she’s hurt, but I don’t think my life should stop as well.”
“After this, I think maybe I’ll unfollow her/remove her from my followers for a bit. She is attending grief therapy, so that’s something.”
“But I think I’d rather she just unfollow me. I don’t want to have to restrict all my posts and double-check all the photos I post to satisfy one person.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some confirmed the OP was incredibly insensitive to her sister’s feelings.
“Yikes. You say ‘just to satisfy one person.'”
“I see it as you putting in a small amount of effort for the next couple of months to be sensitive to your sister’s recent tragic loss.”
“Ultimately your sister is responsible for managing her own triggers and grief and it is probably safer for her to be in control of how much she sees, but that comment did make you sound a tad insensitive in my opinion.” – bobbleheadjoe_
“OP is gonna single-handedly destroy her sister and the healing process she’s going through by keeping up with this s**t. The sister should block OP from her life and restart the healing process.” – Material-Paint6281
“I was considering saying NTA for posting pictures, but overall, OP, YTA, for the way you treat your sister. I suppose in a couple of months after the baby is born, there will be another post called, ‘AITA for being mad at my sister for not coming to meet her niece/nephew?'”
“OP, in that case, you would still be the AH. You have done a fine job making your sister feel awful. Congrats, you have alienated your family from you by your selfish actions.” – Livid-Garbage8255
“Jesus, OP. You could have blocked her from seeing the post. There’s a little thing called privacy settings.”
“I guess it’s unreasonable to think that you might lift a finger to care about others, though. Since your comments reveal you to be self-centered as f**k.” – LuxLuther777
“I was really thinking, ‘Okay, maybe she was a bit insensitive, but I get how the mistake was made’ until I read the rest of the post. She knows she’s wrong and tried to manipulate readers into justifying her.”
“Also, if she really cared for her and didn’t want to hurt her sister, she could’ve easily restricted privacy to everybody but the sister. And the ‘growing family’ comment was salt in the wound and her sister just lost hers.” – Lucky_Boysenberry565
“YTA. On the surface, you did nothing wrong, nor are your sister’s feelings wrong. She is grieving, and hearing other people’s good news about babies is going to hurt her, but the world doesn’t stop for her grief, and people are going to keep living their lives. Doing so isn’t ‘flaunting’ anything.”
“But on some social media platforms, there are ways of blocking just certain people from seeing particular posts. That might be a good way to continue to share your life with your friends & family while shielding your sister from anything baby-related.” – No_Carob2670
Others were also upset by the OP’s prioritization of events over family.
“You SKIPPED your BIL’s funeral? You just had more important things to do? Different priorities? Just wow. It’s a wonder your sister has anything to do with you at all. You’re truly, truly unbelievable.”
“Oh god. Your sister lost everything. Her grief is too big. Pretty much anything she does is fine, and, as her sister, you should write off her behavior and let nothing stick. She’s barely even there right now. Absolutely none of this is about you.” – pineboxwaiting
“YOU PRIORITIZED YOUR DRESS FITTING OVER YOUR BIL’S FUNERAL!!! I would never talk to my sister again if she’d done that, but luckily my sister loves me and never left my side after my husband died.” – KathrynTheGreat
“You’re not trying to be patient. You skipped her husband’s funeral and didn’t support your sister while she said goodbye and buried her child and husband because you had a fitting. YTA for that alone.”
“And you could have easily restricted who saw that post. You could have easily been a supportive compassionate sister. But hey, holding space for anyone besides you is too tough, so f**k your sister, right?!”
“YTA and you suck in general. I hope you one day realize how horrible, callous, and mean you have been to her and even attempt to make amends with her.” – ForsakenDrag1797
“YTA. Holy h**l, OP, your sister lost her husband and future child in one accident and you SKIPPED HIS FUNERAL! And now you’re upset that she can’t stand to see your baby shower pictures!”
“You’re right that you can’t put your life on hold, but you can have some empathy and compassion. You could have made arrangements to be there for her. You could have skipped posting pictures or kept them private so she couldn’t have seen them.”
“You simply made s**t choices instead because you obviously only care about yourself. You’re a horrendous person and I wouldn’t blame her if she never spoke to you again.” – HappyWhereAbouts_23
“Did YOU support HER through her difficult times? She lost her husband and needed FAMILY support. She lost the love of her life and her baby.”
“She NEEDED YOU, and where were you? Instead of going to the funeral and supporting her, your dress fitting and your wedding were more important than a family member who lost two people, important people in her life.”
“Get a grip. You are insensitive and a jerk. I hope karma doesn’t bite you in the a** and if she does, ohhhhh, does karma go equal on that.” – nixyboo
The subReddit was disgusted with the OP, not only for how she had handled this particular situation with the photos on social media, but how she was treating her grieving sister as a whole.
There were privacy settings that she could have used, if she really wanted to post those photos, but really, the OP probably should have prioritized her sister, who needed her over events that could be rescheduled.