Though the thought of death terrifies many, plenty of people take comfort in knowing that they can set aside some money for loved ones.
Maybe even beyond the grave, they hope, they’ll still be offering some help.
But as a recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit demonstrated, sometimes the chosen plan for after death can make difficulties while you’re still alive.
The Original Poster (OP), known as Nachoburn on the site, cut to the heart of the conflict in the title:
“AITA for listing my son as a beneficiary and not my spouse?”
OP first mentioned a recent windfall, which kicked off the whole ordeal.
“My dad recently sold a property and he decided to give the profits to me as a gift (>$100K).”
“The plan is I get to withdraw a certain amount every five years and then I’ll get access to the full amount when he passes away.”
OP immediately considered the long term.
“My dad asked me who I would like to list as a beneficiary if I happen to pass away.”
“I said to list my son (only grandchild to my dad) as the sole beneficiary if I die.”
But not everybody thought it was so straightforward.
“I told my husband this and he is offended. He said that he should be listed as the sole beneficiary since he’s my spouse.”
“He says leaving him out makes him seem untrustworthy and that my dad and I are only looking out for our own blood.”
OP, however, felt sure of their reasoning.
“I’m confused because this is my spouse’s son too and I thought he would be relieved that our son would be taken care of.”
“I worry more about my son being okay after I die compared to my spouse who can definitely take care of himself.”
OP closed with some added perspective.
“My spouse is the beneficiary to everything else ( life insurance, 401K, etc). Even if I passed away when my son is a minor, he’ll technically have access to the money as the parent/guardian.”
“I don’t understand what the big deal is and – on the flip side – I’m kind of getting annoyed at him because I thought my spouse would want to put our child first.”
“But……AITA for listing my son as the sole beneficiary and not my spouse?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors agreed that OP hadn’t been an a**hole.
“NTA especially since it is your father’s money…why should it go to your husband (who could get remarried and use the money on someone else) instead of his grandchild” — pudge-thefish
NTA It is actually pretty common to have gifts go to the kids rather than the spouse, usually because of tax implications because the both of you seem to be doing well. Leaving the money to your husband could see a lot more going to taxes.”
“But the reality is that he doesn’t need it. Inheritances are really your money to do with, not marital assets, unless you co-mingle the funds.” — ForwardPlenty
“Nta, he’s being spoiled. What happens if you both go together?! Like I have 90% to my husband and 10% to another relative just in case and they are listed as back up on the 90% and my husband the back up on the 10%” — Zel_lost_it
“NTA. You husband is a one on a lot more. He can give his son this small amount if you die. Id tell him to deal with it and not try and be greedy. That money could pay for college or a home for your son.” — depressivedarling
A few were even alarmed.
“NTA Your dad would have been well within his rights to insist on that, anyway, and why is your husband upset about your son being in line for a nest egg if the worst should happen?”
“I find it creepy that your husband is being grasping about your assets.” — rapt2right
“NTA. This is your dad’s money. Not sure why your husband should even have a say.”
“Your decision to leave the money to your son is right. Should anything happen to you (touch wood), and if your husband inherits everything, your son may not even receive what you intend to leave to him because of new spouse, new step kids, new kids etc.”
“After that a**hole talk from your husband, you should actually think whether leaving everything else to him is right. Does he think he’s going to outlive your son???” — residentcaprice
“NTA I think you did the right thing. If the unthinkable should happen your dad’s money shouldn’t go to a potential ex-son-in-law’s new wife & her children. Make sure the funds are in a trust for your son’s future and can’t be used for any other purpose.”
“Your husband can “make do” with the marital assets.” — BlackStarBlues
“You are NTA and it is family money that should stick with your side anyway. Have something that says your son plus any future children get it in the form of a trust.after they graduate. Silly for him to be mad.”
“Makes him sound like he would want something to happen to you. Weird” — jamrae23
Some, however, admitted OP could have gone about it better.
“NTA. While I think it was worth discussing before deciding, your rationale is sound.” — Mabelisms
“NTA. Maybe you should have discussed it with him first. It doesn’t mean that you don’t trust or love him. My brother is my sole benficary because my parents are doing fine. So is my brother to be fair.”
“But if something happens to the benefits go to my brother and I know they’ll support each other. In your case this is your son.”
“Your spouse shouldn’t need to be worried but it’s a large sum of money so letting him know beforehand would have been the right thing to do not specifically leaving it to him.” — pnutbuttercups56
At the end of the day, OP is the only person who can decide where the money will go in the event of their death.
If Reddit feedback is indication, it appears it will stay put.