Some relationships run their course and then die a natural death. It’s not necessarily anyone’s fault.
People can change over time and may find their shared hopes or plans no longer suit both their needs. But a lot of people stay in relationships for what used to be instead of what it is now.
A husband struggling with his changed relationship with his wife turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
AITAH subReddit is similar to AITA, but doesn’t offer a final judgment or specify voting acronyms, although some commenters will still use the ones from AITA.
However, AITAH allows people to post about their romantic entanglements while AITA rule 11 states:
“AITA is not a relationship sub.”
Posting about potentially ending a relationship will get an AITA post deleted by the admins. So AITAH was the place for this husband to get feedback.
Informal-Animal-7891 asked:
“AITAH for telling my wife that my life would be better without her?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My wife (Anne) and I have been married for 13 years. I am 43, and she is 46. We do not have children.”
“When we first began dating, nobody could make me happy like Anne. She always seemed to know exactly the right thing to say to me when I was down.”
“But over the past decade or so, she has really started to show her true colors, and a lot of what her ex-husband said to me about her has begun to make more sense.”
“For example, I have a very high-stress job. People bring me problems, and I fix those problems.”
“But when I get home, 9 times out of 10, Anne just has more problems to throw onto my plate. She doesn’t work, so she’s free to do anything she wants to solve said problems during the day, but lately she has even begun making lists of things that she wants me to do after I work all day.”
“But my biggest issue with Anne is that I can’t ever really open up to her about anything. Whenever I talk about something bad that happened to me, she’ll either try to one-up me or agree with the person who wronged me.”
“Last Friday, I had a horrible day. There was an enormous problem at work that basically all fell on my shoulders to solve.”
“When I was crossing the street after work, I had a green signal, and a bicycle blew through a red and sideclipped me. The cyclist yelled expletives at me and then rode away.”
“I thought about calling the police because it was technically a hit-and-run, but there was probably nothing they could do.”
“When I got home, desperate, I talked to Anne about what happened. She listened and then immediately took the cyclist’s side.”
“I reiterated that the cyclist ran through a red light, to which she responded that cyclists aren’t obligated to stop. When I told her she was wrong and tried to put the issue to rest, she began frantically googling laws.”
“She found that in our state, they can treat lights like a stop sign. She began triumphantly reading the law to me loudly, word for word, getting louder when I kept trying to tell her that I wasn’t interested.”
“At the end of her spiel, she gave me this incredibly arrogant look as if she was right. I just stared at her for a second and said that my life would be better without her.”
“She got incredibly upset, shrieked at me until her voice was hoarse, and then packed a bag and left to stay with her parents. She has texted me all weekend demanding an apology, but I haven’t responded.”
“Did I do something unforgivable here?”
When asked what specifically her ex-husband said about her, OP replied:
“He called her ‘a colossal manipulative b*tch’. I nearly hit him when he said that to me.”
“Honestly, if anyone deserves an apology here, it may be him.”
Some Redditors weighed in by using AITA’s voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not in the wrong and the only acronym chosen was NTA.
“Wait if the cyclist is supposed to treat it like a stop sign then shouldn’t it stop and yield to oncoming traffic (you, who has a green light)?”
“So she’s wrong and still triumphantly claiming victory?”
“Personally I think you could have elaborated a little more to her on how she sucks the life out of you, but that’s me being petty. I hope the best for you!” ~ e_therealone
“And even if she was right, where is your sympathy and compassion for your life partner‽‽ Like, dang.”
“She seems to get off on treating you like sh*t. That is not love. You will find it one day after you leave this horrible person.” ~ Campcrustaceanz
“She is the opposite of everything a good and understanding partner should be.”
“‘She began triumphantly reading the law to me loudly, word for word, getting louder when I kept trying to tell her that I wasn’t interested’.”
“She is more interested in proving him wrong and taking the cyclist’s side than just being there for OP.” ~ Sweet-Fancy-Moses23
“I regularly nearly get hit by cyclists who run red lights (and my newest nemesis, electric scooters. On pavements.) Yeah fine, technically they don’t have to stop. But f*ck them.”
“My partner is in complete agreement and I always let him know when I’ve gotten to work/got out of work, in other words I’ve gotten across the road without being hit, because seriously, the cyclists/electric scooters are unhinged.” ~ lalagromedontknow
“You’re not wrong at all. I’ve heard when those electric scooters ended up all over every major city (seemingly overnight) that the incidence of emergency calls and ICU victims went way up as a result of scooters hitting pedestrians.” ~ ApprehensiveTour4024
“Came to say this as well. I’m a long-time bike commuter, and the OP is referring to the Idaho stop law. That’s where it started, but other states, including mine, have adopted it.”
“Basically, cyclists can treat stop signs as yield signs and go if it’s clear and they have the right of way, but cyclists are required to stop at traffic lights regardless of whether it’s clear.” ~ Caunuckles
“Sounds like the problem solved, actually. You said what needed saying, and she left. Done and done.”
“Do you need help on first steps for contacting a lawyer or something? Because otherwise it sounds like you got her out of your house with minimal effort.” ~ FakinFunk
“Sounds like this was just a tiny straw that finally broke the camel’s back.”
“OP should stop worrying about this situation with the cyclist and look back at ALL the times he has felt not only unsupported, but also had sh*t that she dumped in his lap that she could have dealt with herself while he was working.”
“Think about the totality of the situation, OP, and then contact a lawyer. NTA.” ~ _Ravyn_
“You have no children together, and you don’t thrive being her husband. Why are you still married?”
“You might take a hit financially in the divorce, but would your life not be better being a bit poorer but free of her?” ~ AdForward3384
“Even with my ex and all the problems we had, if he came home telling me something like that, my first response would be, ‘Oh my, are you all right?’ Her response was pretty cold.” ~ RagsRJ
“As a partner you should support your loved ones emotionally, even if they’re the one at fault. One of my partners got scammed when trying to buy Taylor Swift tickets (for a quite hefty sum).”
“My initial reaction was to say, ‘Well, that’s a known risk with buying tickets from strangers on the internet’, but I didn’t. Because a person I love and care about is hurt, so I supported them.”
“It’s not that hard to be kind to people, especially people you love.” ~ Grievous_Bodily_Harm
“It was probably a realization that she brings nothing to the marriage and he would be happier alone. I’ve had the same epiphany.”
“Saying it to her would be an effort to make her realize how he feels and make a change, but he found out she’s not interested in changing or fixing anything.” ~ joshhupp
“Met her type before; some people double down so hard because they want to be right and can’t be wrong; you say black, they say white.”
“They also don’t care about the consequences of their actions until you call it out or are straight with them, then they turn it around like they are the victim… run!” ~ TheUnknowing182
“If she doesn’t work, and she’s not a comforting sounding board in your life… what is her place in your world? I mean seriously‽‽”
“She sounds insufferable. You could totally get a sweet Bernese Mountain Dog who will agree with EVERYTHING you say and totally back you up every day. And they’re excellent at cuddles.”
“She sounds like she prizes being right over being happy all the time. I seriously think you might be better off making some space away from her, temporarily or permanently. It’s up to you. But you need support, and you’re not getting it from her.” ~ Many_Monk708
People didn’t have high hopes for this relationship.
Maybe it’s time for OP and his wife to move on.