Redditor Refuses To Babysit Chronically Sick Niece Until Brother And Sister-In-Law Take Her To Doctor

Taking care of family isn't always easy.

People feel obligated, but obligations can take a toll.

When a person starts to set boundaries about caretaking... a lot of drama can break loose.

Sometimes, a person needs more than just a family member's care.

Redditor Right_Company4025 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

They asked:

"AITA for refusing to help with my nieces until my brother and S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] take my younger niece to a doctor?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"I have 2 nieces, Eloise who is 7, and who is Harper 5."

"I work from home and have the most flexible schedule, so I handle school pick up for the girls."

"I’m the first point of contact for the school, and I’ve been chaperoning on field trips lately."

"Eloise was diagnosed with anxiety, and her mom claims she has severe A[ttention}-D[eficit]-H[y[eractive]-D[isorder], which hasn’t been diagnosed."

"Eloise is a completely normal 7-year-old."

"Harper, on the other hand, actually has some type of severe attention disorder and possibly a stomach issue."

"I am called to pick her up at least once a week because of diarrhea."

"She wears pull-ups at school due to frequent poop accidents."

"Her classroom has 21 students, and 3 teachers, and one of those teachers has been unofficially assigned to be Harper’s 1-1 because she constantly wanders off."

"She doesn’t respond when you call her."

"She’s oblivious to everything around her."

"She doesn’t share."

"She will move through groups of people almost without realizing they’re there."

"She can’t sit at circle time long enough for her teachers to read a story, even when they give her toys to play with or let her sit in her teacher’s lap."

'She is not allowed on field trips unless either one of her parents or I comes with her."

"Her school’s developmental specialist has come in to observe her and try to get her to participate with the rest of the class, or even just sit down long enough to eat her snack or lunch, with no success."

"Despite all of this, Harper is reading at a 2nd-grade level and doing math at a 1st-grade level."

"Harper has been kicked out of 2 preschools because they can’t handle her, and even this current school, which has assigned her a 1-1 and has a developmental specialist, psychologist, and an O[ccupational] T[herapist] on staff, is starting to say that this might not be the best environment for Harper."

"Harper is the same way at home."

"She forgets to drink water."

"She doesn’t think to eat until you put food in front of her."

"Every exterior door and window has child locks and has an alarm because of her tendency to wander off."

"The majority of my cabinets have multiple child locks because she’s figured out how to get through them."

"She wears a leash in public because of the number of times her parents and I have lost her in stores."

"Last week was the straw that broke the camel's back."

"Harper was sent home from school for repeated attempts to climb the fence and for running away during circle time and getting into the art supplies that were set aside for later."

"Later, at my house, her tummy was bothering her, so she wanted to be held all the time, meaning I couldn’t work until she was picked up."

"When my brother came to pick up the girls, I told him I couldn’t do this anymore and that I would not take care of the girls or do anything for school until Harper sees a doctor for all of her issues."

"My brother still insists that Harper is fine and that my refusing to help with no notice is screwing him over."

"I refuse to budge, and now I have family saying it’s not my place to demand that he take her to a doctor."

The OP was left to wonder:

"So... AITA?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Her
• INFO - More Information Needed

Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.

"NTA. It sounds like you need to call C[hild] P[rotective] S[ervices]."

"Your niece is being medically neglected, and that’s abuse."

"If a surprise visit from CPS doesn’t light a fire under them, nothing will." ~ Srvntgrrl_789

"Yes, call CPS yourself and urge the school to do so as well."

"I suspect that they already have, and her parents are handwaving it away by promising to take her to the doctor."

"Or claiming "'he doctor says she is just fine.'"

"The school is not in the same position as you are to see ALL of Harper's problems."

"Also call her pediatrician."

"They can't tell you information about a patient, but nothing prevents you from telling them what you observe."

"Urge them to call CPS as well."

"From what you say, her parents are excusing any off-behavior at well-child visits by saying that it's just general nervousness."

"A longer period of examination might tell them a lot more." ~ TheFilthyDIL

"Or have the school call."

"Stomach issues are a serious medical concern."

"The behavioral issues are also a concern."

"Both need to be addressed immediately."

"OP, your refusal to care for them may be screwing your brother, but what about you?"

"Aren't you getting screwed by these issues?"

"I understand you have a more flexible schedule, but you still have a schedule."

"Please tell us they pay you well?"

"And if you continue to care for them, the next time she has stomach issues like that, take her to the hospital." ~ SnowXTC

"NTA. If this makes mom and dad’s lives too hard, then all they need to do is call the pediatrician."

"You can even offer/suggest joining the call and sharing details so the ped has a full accounting."

"This needs a comprehensive evaluation by medical professionals."

"Diarrhea is not a potty training issue; it’s a GI concern."

" Having it that frequently means she’s either eating something bad (e.g., wanders off and eats something she shouldn’t, which could easily lead to poisoning), has an allergy, or some other underlying medical condition which needs to be closely evaluated and treated."

"Recurring GI issues also mean she’s almost certainly malnourished, which could absolutely cause mental/behavioral/developmental/emotional issues."

"They could also be completely unrelated, which is why this needs a full workup by doctors who have been given a thorough medical history."

"As someone else noted, call the pediatrician yourself to at least share your concerns."

"Tell them everything so they can (hopefully) add it to her file and follow up with targeted questions during her next checkup (or even reach out to the parents to schedule a visit)."

"Also, call CPS and explain that you’re concerned the parents are dismissively withholding medical care."

"I’m not sure if they can enforce anything (I.e. are they meeting the minimum standard of care), but hopefully they can at least help mom and dad understand how serious this is and get them to actually follow through."

"I would also talk to the school and try to persuade them to call if they haven’t already."

"I don’t think they can tell you whether they’ve called, but you can share additional info from home life, which may help tip the scales." ~ Jesuss_Fluffer

"Your family wants you to continue playing a caregiver role for this poor child (and to a significant extent), but only on your brother's terms. It just doesn't work that way."

"You can set your own rules for your involvement. And it sounds as though you have her best interests in mind, whereas your brother - what on earth is he thinking?"

"This is outright neglect."

"NTA and your family are welcome to step in and take over, since they have so many opinions." ~ Moose-Live

"NTA. Harper clearly shows signs of a developmental disability, medical condition, or both."

"Her parents aren't following up because they aren't the ones inconvenienced by all the school disruptions."

"You are."

"You are doing the right thing, both for yourself and for Harper." ~ Dependent-Aside-9750

"NTA. Your brother has a responsibility to take care of his own children."

"You’re doing right by the child by refusing to move forward until they care for her appropriately." ~ Psychological-Work85

"NTA. OP you need to call CPS and tell them everything what you wrote here."

"Deny it if your family asks if it was you; Harper has so many issues it literally could be anyone from the school."

"The diarrhoea and diapers is the most concerning thing; she may have a medical issue or could be sexually abused by someone."

"This absolutely needs to be addressed ASAP." ~ yeehawt22

"NTA. The younger this child is diagnosed the more therapies she can get to help her."

"My son is autistic (not saying that’s what is going on here, though it could be) and I know it’s hard for parents to accept something might be off with their kids but once you get a diagnosis a whole world of help opens up for the child."

"Also having uncontrollable diarrhea once a week to the point they are having accidents, assuming they are otherwise potty trained, is not normal for anyone. "

"This kid clearly needs a doctor." ~ Agitated_Arachnid176

"NTA. However, contact the school and discuss your concerns with them."

"Make it clear that you are not to be contacted for pickups anymore."

"They are mandatory reporters."

"Remind them." ~ SeaworthinessDue8650

OP came back to check in...

"Mini update: I picked the girls up yesterday so I could explain what was going to happen and that it was not their fault, and spoke to their schools about not contacting me unless it’s an emergency and they can’t get a hold of their parents."

Reddit feels your pain, OP.

You have to protect yourself.

It's time for Harper's parents to take care of her issues.

They can't ignore her issues forever.

Good Luck.