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Bride Balks After Brother Demands She Not ‘Upstage’ His Wife By Exceeding Budget For Their Wedding

Sad bride
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No doubt about it, weddings are expensive.

Even a simple, DIY wedding has the potential to cost tens of thousands of dollars.

But the cost of the wedding ultimately won’t factor into how memorable or enjoyable it is.

What ultimately makes a wedding is love, love between the couple committing to one another and all the friends and family who came to celebrate them

Even so, the sister-in-law (SIL) of Redditor latenightswithreddit couldn’t stop talking about how extravagant and expensive her wedding is.

Until that is, she began to learn more about the wedding of the original poster (OP), and the more she learned, the angrier she got.

Indeed, so strong was her displeasure that she and the OP’s brother even requested that the OP make some changes to her plans.

Having doubts about how she handled these requests, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for having a “better” wedding than my SIL?”

The OP explained why her SIL was not at all pleased to learn about her wedding plans and made no effort to hide her displeasure.

“I’m a casual Reddit browser but have never engaged the community before because I never thought something this wild would happen… but here we are.”

“I’m (29 F[emale]) from a middle-class family and have an older brother (35 M[ale]), let’s call him Adrian.”

“He is a self-taught software engineer and makes pretty good money.”

“A little over one year ago, he married his girlfriend (28 F) of 6 years. Let’s call her Heather.”

“She’s not a bad person, but I think she’s a little bit spoiled.”

“She’s the type that loves to brag about all the expensive stuff her husband bought her, and their wedding was pretty extravagant.”

“She still loves to talk about how it was the most amazing wedding she’s ‘ever been to.'”

“My brother is kind of wrapped around her finger but it never really mattered until now.”

“I met my fiancee(36 M) about four years ago.”

“It was a business event, and he owns a decently sized and very successful company.”

“So saying that he’s extremely wealthy.”

“Since he grew up less than he loves to spend his money on things he and his family could only dream about before.”

“One of those things is, of course, our wedding.”

The Groom had big plans for his special day.

“He wants to go all out and hired a somewhat well-known wedding planner to arrange everything.”

“Honestly, I’m pretty excited.”

“I never dreamed of such a luxurious wedding, but now that it’s happening, it feels like I’m living some wild dream I never even dared have.”

“Like a textbook fairytale.”

“Recently, I was at a family gathering and was hanging out in the living room with my mom and Heather doing ‘girl talk.'”

“My mom started asking me how the planning was going, and when I told her about everything we were doing, I could see Heather go pale and then extremely red in the face.”

“She was quiet for the rest of the night.”

The couple’s wedding plans did not sit well with their sister-in-law.

“The next day, Adrian called me and said that Heather was extremely upset and felt like I was trying to one-up her wedding.”

“She said I was trying to ‘upstage’ her because I never expressed a desire for a ‘fancy’ wedding before.”

“He asked me if we could tone it down, so it doesn’t exceed the budget they had for their own wedding.”

“I laughed because, honestly, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, and then I naturally said no.”

“He sounded upset and hung up.”

“A few hours later, Heather calls, and she starts yelling at me, repeating mostly the same stuff, saying she knew I was always jealous of her and I’m only with my fiancee because he’s rich, and I want to rub it in her face.”

“That made me snap, and I said, ‘if you’re that obsessed with money, maybe you should have married someone else instead of my brother. If anyone’s jealous of someone, it’s you.’ she screamed at me and started crying before hanging up.”

“Now Adrian is angry and calling me an AH for insinuating she shouldn’t have married him, and my parents think I was too harsh on her when I ‘know she’s always been material’ and are asking me to lower our wedding budget to appease her.”

“I don’t want to.”

“My fiancee definitely doesn’t want to.”

“But I don’t know. AITA?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to make any changes to her wedding to appease Heather.

Everyone THOUGHT that Heather’s behavior was ludicrous and immature and that the OP was correct and justified in calling out her jealous and materialistic behavior. A number of folks agreed that the best solution would be for the OP not to invite Heather to the wedding.


“First, it’s your (you and fiance) wedding.”

“Second, if you give in now, there will be no end to her demands.”

“‘Your dress is more elegant than hers, WHY???”

“‘You can’t go to Paris for honeymoon. She was only in California.'”

“‘You shouldn’t buy a four-bathroom house. There are only three in her house.'”

“‘You have to organize your birthday party at Wendy’s or McDonald’s.'”

“‘Your child cannot attend a better school than her kids. It’s unfair!”

“And so on…”- Garamon7

“NTA and you should increase the budget for your wedding every time she complains about it.”-Mubadger


“Please don’t even think about changing one little thing about your wedding for this spoiled girl.”

“This is going to be like this forever. What’s next, you’re not allowed children until she’s completed her family?”

“Just ignore her. She can stay home if she doesn’t want to come.”- Posterbomber

“NTA, but I do suggest you lower your wedding budget – say, by trimming two people off the guest list?”- JsCTmav

“The way your SIL screamed at you, she sounds unhinged, and your brother is acting jealous himself asking you to tone down the budget of your wedding.”

“I’d go ahead with the wedding like I wanted to and let your brother + SIL cut ties if they want.”

“NTA.”- Spiritual-Bridge3027

“NTA, and honestly, if I was your brother, I’d be upset that my wife can only feel happy about their wedding so long as no one has a wedding more expensive than them.”

“It’s hard to believe there are people out there that feel this entitled and self-centered.”

“Maybe you never talked about an extravagant wedding being your dream, but this is your fiancée’s wedding too, and this is his dream, and it’s making you happy to do it with him.”

“That being said, there’s no need to talk in front of her about how much is being spent, etc..”

“Also, as someone has been to weddings of all different budgets, the best weddings are always the ones with good music, an open bar (and enough bar service to avoid long lines), and easy access to the bathrooms.”

“No one really pays attention to anything else.”

“I’ve been to extravagant weddings where I had to walk up a hill to the bathroom and felt like half my night was spent navigating that walk.”

“Or a wedding where they did not give the DJ enough instructions, and the music really went off the rails.”

“But good luck, congratulations, and I hope your family stops enabling your childish SIL!”-Vegetable_Craft_9506

“If you had been rubbing it their faces, gloating, etc., I’d say E S H.”

“But you didn’t!”

“Your mom asked, you answered.”

“And who cares if you never ‘wanted’ a fancy wedding.”

“Your fiancé DOES.”

“You probably didn’t have to add that jab at the end. It definitely didn’t help.”

“But you were essentially (or just actually) being harassed.”

“NTA.”- ashleighbuck


“My god, she sounds like an absolute nightmare.”

“Stick to your guns and have the wedding you and your fiancé are dreaming of.”

“If any of your family bring it up again, you could always suggest lowering your budget by uninviting them.”

“A few less dinners to pay for.”- Cupcakesmj


“And what you do with your wedding is not her business.”

“She sounds pretty shallow, and you can tell your brother to keep her on a leash.”

“If you have money, you spend it and if she’s feeling jealous, ask her to see a therapist.”

“You are under no obligation to live your life catering to other’s demands, and I would say, have the best possible blast of a wedding you can.”

“All the best and congratulations.”- SPolowiski


“Just because your brother doesn’t have a spine doesn’t mean you don’t either.”


“If she wanted an extra extravagant wedding, she should’ve had one.”

“As she certainly didn’t mind bragging about it after her wedding.”

“Be mad at Adrian for insinuating YOU can’t have your wedding because a grown woman is having a meltdown over something that isn’t even about her.”

“Just uninvite her, and anyone who can’t/won’t be happy for you.”

“Not worth the headache.”- ChiquitaBananaKush

Jealousy is not something that we can easily control, so one can’t truly blame Heather for her feelings. Expressing them so openly is another matter since it isn’t her wedding.

If Heather took a moment to think about how she would feel if someone asked her to make changes to her wedding, she might realize how childish she was being.

Or, at least, any rational person would.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.