As children grow up, there is an expectation that their responsibilities around the house will grow.
This includes helping with cleaning, cooking, and other housekeeping and chores.
That being said, children should still be allowed to be children, so parents shouldn’t rely on their children to be the sole cook or cleaner in the house.
Let alone be the primary caregiver for their younger siblings to deflect some responsibility from the parents.
After his parents divorced, Redditor SeaworthinessOdd2477 took it upon himself to take on some extra responsibilities in caring for his younger siblings when their mother was at work.
Upon learning this, the original poster (OP)’s father demanded that he do the same for his new step-siblings.
A demand the OP flatly refused.
Wondering if he was out of line for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my dad’s he’s crazy if he thinks I’m going to his house during the week just to make food for his stepkids?”
The OP explained why he was not willing to help his step-siblings in the same way he helped his actual siblings:
“My parents are divorced.”
“I (16 M[ale]) now live with mom and visit dad every other weekend.”
“The change happened about a year ago.”
“The judge won’t let me stop going on those weekends, but I wish I could.”
“I have a younger brother (14) and a younger sister (11).”
“My dad’s married and has a stepson (10) and a stepdaughter (7).”
“He asked me a couple of weeks ago to come to his house after school and make food for them before going home.”
“He asked this because he found out that I sometimes make food for my siblings when mom works.”
“He asked me about it the next weekend I was over there.”
“He wanted to know why I never did that at his house.”
“I said I just didn’t.”
“He told me I could have made food for all four of the kids.”
“I told him no, that wasn’t happening.”
“He asked why, and I said because I don’t mind making something for me and my siblings, but I’m not making food for just anyone.”
“He told me his stepkids are my siblings too, just not by blood, and I told him they’re not my siblings, and I never said they were.”
“Then, two weeks ago, he asked to go and cook for his stepkids after school.”
“This is during weeks my siblings are home with me and mom and weeks they’re with him.”
“I told him no, and he made that weekend annoying as f*ck.”
“My mom told him to leave me alone. I’m a kid, and I already chose not to keep 50/50 custody, so he’d want to cherish the time he has with me.”
“He told mom to shut up.”
“I didn’t do what he asked.”
“He then mentioned it to me Sunday and that’s when I told him he’s crazy if he thinks I’m going to his house for the week just to make food for his stepkids.”
“He told me if I can do it for my siblings, I can do it for them.”
“I told him I love my siblings.”
“That’s why I do it.”
“Then it was like he focused on me calling him crazy, and he said it’s not crazy to expect family to treat each other the same and how I’m showing blatant favoritism for my blood siblings and not my siblings through marriage.”
“He told me it’s cruel to be so blunt about it.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to cook for his step-siblings.
Everyone agreed that the the OP was absolutely right that cooking for his stepsiblings was not his responsibility and that if anyone was showing “favoritism”, it was his father, who seemed to be more concerned that the OP was looking out for his stepchildren than his actual children.
“NTA.”
“A 7 and 10-year-old are home alone but can’t make a peanut butter sandwich?”
“I feel like this was just him trying to find a way to guilt you into being a free nanny.”
“‘You came over and prepared food; it’d make them sad if you left so quickly. You should spend time with them!'”- mlc885
“NTA.”
“You’re not responsible for taking care of your father’s stepkids.”
“Feeding them is your father’s and his wife’s job.”
“Not yours.”
“You do not owe him or the stepkids anything beyond honoring the custody agreement of weekend visits.”- Little_Orange2727
“NTA.”
“It is on your dad and his wife to feed the kids while they are under his roof.”
“You owe him NOTHING beyond visiting him during court-ordered visitation.”
“He and wifey can figure out how to feed the kids during the week.”- Comfortable-Sea-2454
“NTA.”
“His stepchildren are not your responsibility.”
“Parents trying to force families to blend often obtain the opposite effect.”- 000-Hotaru_Tomoe
“NTA.”
“When would you do homework and have a social life if you had to make special trips to your dad’s just to fix food for your step-siblings?”
“It’s a ridiculous request.”- DangerousDave303
“NTA.”
“You can tell him to pay you 50$ per meal, and you will cook for his stepkids.”
“Why do people feel entitled to your time and effort.”- forgeris
“NTA.”
“And keep records of this in case it escalates, and you can tell the judge.”
“Especially when young kids are home alone, the courts may love that tidbit.”
“The parents are perfectly capable of having ready-made snacks available to them.”
“Plus, I’m assuming you need to get home to study and maybe have after-school activities.”
“All he’s doing is pushing you away, and I’m betting his wife is pushing this narrative.”
“We are technically related to a lot of people, but that doesn’t require us to have to associate with them.”- KeyHovercraft2637
“NTA.”
“Your visitation with him is every other weekend.”
“You have no obligation to visit him during the week.”
“Remind him of that.”
“It is a parent’s obligation to provide food, clothing, shelter, medical and dental for their minor children.”
“It is his obligation to provide for you and his wife’s obligation to provide for her children.”
“You have no obligation to provide food for his stepchildren.”
“You have every right to treat your siblings differently than his stepkids; you have a relationship with your siblings and love them.”- Clean_Factor9673
“‘You’re playing favorites!'”
“‘Between my siblings and random unrelated children?'”
“‘Damn right I am’.”
“NTA.”
“Document all this and keep it tucked away.”
“CPS might be interested.”- Cat1832
“NTA.”
“You didn’t marry anyone.”
“Does he have a sibling marriage certificate you signed?”
“When you get married, will he pay for your wife’s education?”
“Because she’s his daughter through marriage, and he shouldn’t play favorites.”- iliveinthecove
“Not once did you mention your step-siblings’ mother.”
“It’s baffling that in a household with two adults, they’re trying to make you cook for the kids.”
“Is it just a way to force you to ‘love your step siblings’?”
“Anyway, NTA.”- BackgroundCarpet1796
“Where are the parents when the 10 and 7-year-olds are hungry?”
“Are they home alone?”
“It is their parent’s responsibility to feed and care for them, not yours.”
“Shame on your dad for trying to put that on you and for trying to compare your sibling/step-sibling relationships.”
“NTA.”- Positive_Comfort1216
“NTA.”
“It is cruel to harass you like this.”- Adventurous-Term5062
“NTA.”
“In Canada, at 16, you can move out.”
“I think you are old enough not to go there on weekends anymore if you don’t want to.”
“You could also ask your mom to return to court to stop going.”
“I would stop going myself in your shoes.”
“Let him be mad, and then you can go to court about how he only wants you there to parent his other children on days when it’s not even his time with you and how he’s punishing you for it.”-DottedUnicorn
“NTA.”
“This makes no sense.”
“You cook for your siblings while at your Mom’s house.”
“Why on earth would your Dad think that you should cook for the steps during the week.”
“He is out there for sure.”
“There is also no reason for the steps, even if you know you cook for your siblings.”
“Dad is trying to force 1) you being at his house more 2) a relationship with the steps.”
“Sorry he is being such an a$$.”- PurpleStar1965
It’s not difficult to see why the OP wishes that the custody agreement was different and that he didn’t need to see his father as often as he does.
If this is any indication, it seems that the OP’s father doesn’t take being a parent seriously and looks for other people to take care of childcare for him.
Even, in the case of the OP, actual children.