When people find themselves without a place to call home, they are very lucky if they can find a friend or family member who can temporarily put a roof over their head.
If they are incredibly fortunate, the host might not even charge them rent.
You would think that after being given this act of generosity, these temporary houseguests would at the very least help with household chores and cover their own personal expenses.
Unfortunately, not everyone is quite as adept at showing gratitude
Some even willingly make their stays a little more than “temporary”.
Redditor DaoMingBaba agreed to let his wife’s brother stay with them for a couple of months in order to help him get back on his feet.
Unfortunately, “a couple months grew into over a year, and the original poster (OP)’s brother-in-law (BIL) had more than outgrown his welcome.
The OP continued putting his frustrations aside to please his wife.
However, after the OP’s BIL caused a tragic accident in their house, the OP made it abundantly clear that his BIL was no longer welcome in his house.
After being told by his wife that he was too hard on his BIL, the OP took to the subreddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for finally telling my brother-in-law to leave after he’s been mooching off us for a year?”
The OP explained why he finally felt there was no other choice than to evict his BIL from his house:
“AITA for finally telling my brother-in-law to leave after he’s been mooching off us for a year?”
“He moved in saying he just needed ‘a few months’ until he was able to save enough money to rent his own place.”
“It’s been a year, but he’s never once paid for bills, groceries, nothing.”
“He doesn’t even do basic chores, but my wife (she’s his brother) always tries to cover for him and does his chores for him instead.”
“He leaves dishes in the sink, doesn’t take out the trash.”
“Just sits around on his phone when he’s at home to play mobile games or goes out on his motorcycle to go on long rides with his buddies.”
“We’ve been biting our tongues because he’s family, but last week was the last straw.”
“He came home late, parked his bike, and didn’t lock the gate.”
“As a result of his neglect, our dog of 12 years got out.”
“We searched everywhere and even made Facebook posts, only to find out a few hours later that he got hit by a car just outside our subdivision.”
“We were devastated, and I was very furious.”
“But guess who was the one acting pissed off?”
“My BIL. Saying it ‘wasn’t his fault’ and that ‘sh*t happens’ and that he’d just buy us a new dog.”
“LOL.”
“He hasn’t even contributed a single cent to our monthly electric or internet bills.”
“I lost it.”
“Told him to pack his stuff and get out.”
“My wife thinks I was too harsh, but I honestly don’t care anymore.”
“He doesn’t respect our home, our rules, or our damn dog.”
“AITA for not considering my wife’s feelings first?”
“A part of me feels that we should’ve talked about it first, but then I acted on my own out of anger.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for kicking his BIL out of his house.
Everyone agreed that if anything, the OP wasn’t hard enough on his BIL, with many even wondering if he should kick his wife out as well for taking her brother’s side.
“‘AITA for not considering my wife’s feelings first?'”
“Why isn’t she considering your feelings?”
“Why does her brother seem to have priority in your home?”
“That’s not okay.”
“NTA.”
“He didn’t get his act together within 3 months.”
“It’s my guess he never planned to until he was forced to.”
“The whole not contributing anything to your household is just such gross, entitled behavior.”
“Good on you for finally taking care of business.”- IamIrene
“NTA.”
“So sorry about your dog.”
“His attitude over that alone justifies kicking him out.”
“He moved in saying he just needed ‘a few months’ until he was able to save enough money to rent his own place.”
“It’s been a year, but he’s never once paid for bills, groceries, nothing.”
“He doesn’t even do basic chores.”
“I lost it.”
“You weren’t too harsh.”
“If anything you weren’t harsh enough.”- Apart-Ad-6518
“NTA.”
“Why is your wife not more upset about the dog?”
“Or his attitude about letting the dog out?”
“You can’t just replace a family member like it was nothing.”
“He needed to go before but there’s no coming back from the dog thing now.”
“He could have been contrite and apologetic, but he couldn’t even do that.”
“On top on not paying any bills or doing any chores he can’t apologize for inadvertently hurting your dog?”
“Dude has to go.”- dalealace
“NTA.”
“And if my wife had a brother like that and kept covering for him we’d been in therapy or divorce, you need to be the priority not his stupid butt.”- DanielLCG
“Op you are under reacting here I would have immediately kicked out the mooching BIL after causing the death of my pet, that is a boundary you cannot uncross regardless of who he is.”
“NTA.”- Armorer-
“NTA.”
“Your wife thinks you were too harsh!?”
“She has got to be kidding!”
“He was responsible for your dog getting out resulting in the unthinkable (I’m so very sorry for your loss)!”
“I give you so much credit for not physically throwing him and all his sh*t out!”- Chloet5759
“NTA.”
“He can’t take responsibility for sh*t.”
“He’s as responsible as the driver for your sweet dog’s tragic death.”
“I would’ve thrown him out right then and there with 0 remorse.”
“‘Buy another dog'”, wtf.”
“Disgusting.”
“He does not deserve one bit of your kindness and generosity.”
“So sorry for your loss.”- obiy88
“NTA.”
“You have a wife problem too.”- iLoLfr
“NTA.”
“I’d have been furious too.”
“He has long overstayed his welcome and caused great grief to you about the dog.”
“I’m sorry.”
“The only thing I’d say is this is a conversation that should have happened within a month or two of him moving in – he showed no signs of saving to move out, and didn’t contribute anything to the household.”
“You held your tongue for a year – that’s too long.”- Jerseygirl2468
“I mean, NTA, but is there really a conflict here?”
“Is anyone going to come into a post where you kicked out a freeloader who killed your dog, and call you the a**hole?”- FacetiousTomato
“NTA.”
“I’ll bet in her heart of hearts, your wife is secretly relieved.”
“Someone had to boot that leech and she wasn’t equipped to do it.”- 4aregard
“NTA .”
“If your wife doesn’t like it, she can leave with him.”
“Take precautions so he knows he is never welcome in your home ever again.”- dncrmom
“Your wife is part of the problem.”
“Sorry about your dog.”
“NTA.”- InfamousCup7097
“NTA.”
“If you hadn’t put your foot down, he would have stayed forever.”
“If anything you should have booted him sooner, but you were trying to help.”- Tdluxon
“NTA.”
“So sorry about your fur baby.”
“If you had talked to your wife first, she would only have made excuses for her brother’s behavior.”
“She would have tried to stop you.”
“For a year, she had prioritized her brother.”
“It needed to stop.”
“You did what was necessary.”- abear61
“NTA.”
“And you have a wife problem.”- Adventurous-Term5062
“You are definitely NTA!”
“I’m sorry for the loss of your little buddy.”
“I think you did what you should have done, and it was overdue!”- Jazzlike-Election787
“NTA.”
“Plus, you can’t just ‘buy a new dog’ and get over the loss of a long-loved dog (or cat, or any other pet). His ‘few months’ are up.”
“Do have a private talk with the wife regarding the situation, though.”- TheSheHulk87
“NTA.”
“He got your dog killed.”
“And he is a mooch.”
“While it would have been best to discuss with your wife first, you made the statement.”
“It’s done.”
“And hopefully your BIL will be gone.”
“He has no excuse not to be fully ready to pay for his own place.”
“Don’t let him back.”- eowynsheiress
It’s one thing for the OP’s wife to stand by her brother, despite the fact that he was living entirely off of them without chipping in a single cent.
That she could still take her brother’s side when he was complicit in killing their dog, however…
As many expressed in the comments section, the OP’s wife should consider herself very lucky the OP doesn’t kick her out of the house as well…