In 1859, 22-year-old chemist Robert Augustus Chesebrough traveled to Titusville, Pennsylvania and found oil workers using rod wax—an unrefined form of petroleum jelly that was a byproduct of oil drilling—to heal wounded or burnt skin.
In his Brooklyn lab, Chesebrough worked to refine the petroleum byproduct and in 1870 Vaseline was introduced for sale to the public. For over 150 years, petroleum jelly has been used for a multitude of purposes: health, beauty and household.
So finding petroleum jelly in someone's home shouldn't be a shock or a reason to question anything.
A man whose mother-in-law assumed having petroleum jelly indicated one thing only turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Aita-vaseline asked:
"AITA for telling my mother-in-law (MIL) why I have vaseline next to my bed?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Okay, so, my MIL—or actually I will start with my wife 'Tara'. Tara is lovely and wonderful."
"Tara also escaped from her little midwestern hometown and that personally her mom was born and raised in and around that small town)
"So my MIL. She is emotionally immature. Tara read that one book about immature adult parents and she finally understood her family dynamic in a way she never did before."
"MIL is not a bad or evil person, she usually means very well. But she's kind of, I don't know how to put it, self-centered? Like her first thought process is always 'how do I feel about this new information'."
"Tara and I bought a little starter home last year (f*ck interest rates but we're hoping they come down and we can refinance, the place was too good to pass up) and her MIL invited herself over last week. This is something that is extremely on brand for her, and we like to pick our battles in this family, so we just let her."
"Her mom (who again is not terrible, just has bad emotional regulation and boundaries) shows up and drops her stuff in the spare room and just immediately starts giving herself the tour. Again, whatever, we actually hired a cleaner before she arrived so we wouldn't worry, annoying but that's life."
"So she's wandering around and comes to our bedroom. I have a jumbo-sized tub of generic Vaseline next to my bed because I use a nose CPAP, and my lips get chapped."
"So she picks it up and makes this really weird face and says, almost direct quote, 'well I know what THIS is for!' And I respond, 'oh that's for chapped lips, I don't jerk off with vaseline' ."
"Apparently, my timing was good because my wife laughed, but my MIL did not laugh at all. Then, for the next three days, she kept asking me ARE YOU GONNA BE GROSS AGAIN when I tried to make normal conversation."
"I said over and over that she was the one who made the joke, and her response was always 'yeah, but that was a JOKE!' like what I said was totally serious? And I guess it was, I mean, I was telling the truth, but I was only bantering because she started it."
"I didn't even invite her into our bedroom."
"AITA?"
The OP summed up their situation.
"There is a chance that I should have just kept my mouth shut. Maybe discretion was the better part of valor even though my MIL started it."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. She was the one who first insinuated it was for sex. You just said it out loud."
"She's got the dirty mind..." ~ RoboSpammm
"NTA, she tried to make you blush, but then gets mad because you made her blush is what this basically boils down to." ~ slackerchic
"NTA, you didn't do anything wrong. Anyone with even a slight sense of humor would find that funny. And you're right, she's the one with her mind in the gutter in the first place!"
"She goes to your house uninvited, goes into your room without permission thus invading your space, makes a sexual innuendo of something as innocuous as Vaseline by your bed, which you then smoothly brush off and make (admittedly) a funny joke about, and now YOU'RE the one who owes an apology?" ~ LoudCrickets72
"NTA. I'm only sorry you didn't keep up the banter every time she asked you if you were going to be gross: 'Only if you want me too. Is it called for? You mean talk about jerking off? I won't be gross if you won't be nosy. etc...'."
"Don't apologize, don't encourage your wife to apologize. If she brings it up in the future in front of other people be sure you let them know she was snooping around and quote her exact words."
"She's an adult for gods sake she can dish it out but can't take it. Also, include a small pot of Vaseline in future gifts." ~ Firm-Molasses-4913
"NTA. I read that book. My mom does this. She wants you uncomfortable so she has the upper hand to step on your boundaries and make you feel dirty."
"She was going to weaponize your reaction that entire trip if you had one and bring up the tub of Vaseline to get a reaction at every chance she got."
"You took that power away, turned the tables and didn't give her the reaction she wanted (embarrassment) and now she's pissy because you embarrassed her, she can't take it, and she has no emotional power over the situation."
"Let her be pissy. F*ck around and find out." ~ mamblepamble
"NTA. Not only does MIL not deserve an apology, she ought to be offering one for going into your bedroom and making jokes about your sex life. If she doesn't, let her be offended and let her pound sand." ~ rockology_adam
"NTA. You weren't the gross one here. It's time you teach your wife that she is old enough to stand up to her mother."
"99% of the time I'm all about letting people make their own choices as adults, but this is quite an opportunity to HUSBAND UP." ~ Petefriend86
"NTA. MIL should apologize for barging into your bedroom (a PRIVATE AREA) picking up your personal items, making wild assumptions, and generally being a poor guest." ~ AethericOwl
"MIL was rude. You called her on her rudeness and she got embarrassed."
"Now she's trying to cover her embarrassment by.. blaming you? No. NTA." ~ zippy_zaboo
"NTA tell her to stay out of your bedroom and go back home. She tried to make a joke and you one upped her and she can't let it go." ~ mcindy28
"NTA. She shouldn't have been snooping. I had a very similar experience."
"My feet get really cracked and dry so I keep lotion in my bedroom. My son had some friends over and my door was open. The lotion was next to my bed."
"They gave him a hard time about it as he tried to explain it was for my feet it's a running joke. I always yell 'I'm using my lotion!' and it cracks up my son." ~
The OP provided an update.
"I took the advice of a couple people in the original thread and I talked to my wife about (1) what happened while her mom was there and (2) how we would manage similar situations going forward."
"I think the commenters were mostly right, and that my MIL was using what I said as a cudgel to get 'the upper hand' (I don't know how else to put that) in conversations."
"We talked it out and agreed that we would let it go. But if she brought it up again, or if she tried something similar again, we would present a united front and we would refuse to engage with her, I guess, 'attention-seeking' behavior?"
"Again I find this all weird and don't know how to really talk about it or phrase it."
"Well, you can probably guess what happened."
"She was on the phone with her mom just catching up and her mom brought up me being 'gross' again. I wasn't on the call or anything, but I could hear her in the other room."
"For context, Tara finds it very hard to set boundaries with her mom because her mom will just not let some stuff go. She will just keep bringing it up and talking about how bad she fel6t, or WHY would she do X or Y, etc..."
"Honestly I am so proud of her for what she did: she hung the f*ck up!"
"She said 'mom we're not gonna talk about that anymore' and then 'mom, we're moving on' and then I just hear her phone get set down on the bedside table. I walked in to check and she had this great little 'defiant' face on, like she was proud of herself too."
"I hope that the little rush she got from saying no to her mom is encouraging to her going forward!"
Part of having boundaries is maintaining them. It isn't enough to say "no" or "stop" if you aren't willing to enforce it with clear consequences.
Kudos to the OP and his wife for holding firm on their newly determined boundaries.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.