in ,

Woman Who Shares Birthday With Grandson Called Out For Prioritizing Her 50th Over His 1st

Jovanmandic / Getty Images

It can be tough to find joy in the world right now.

The difficulty in finding things to celebrate means when celebrations come up, we tend to cling to them pretty hard.

What happens, though, when your momentous milestone coincides with someone else’s and they don’t wanna give it up?

This was the problem plaguing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Mysterious_Fan_9668 which brought them to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for clarity.

She asked:

“AITA for calling my MIL a crybaby and saying her birthday isn’t as important as my son’s first birthday?”

First, the history of the matter.

“MIL(Mother In Law) f’king loves her birthday. She kept joking when I was pregnant that if I went into labor on her birthday (2 days before my due date) I better hold him in.”

Of course, the universe has a sense of humor.

“Well, karma, he was born on her birthday and she was not pleased. MIL came to the hospital for about ten minutes, but said she had plans and left.”

So, one year later…

“This year she is turning 50 and he is turning 1 and the day falls on a Saturday. I was super excited that I could have his first party on the actual day and immediately started making plans.”

There was just one problem.

“MIL said she is having a party that day, so I need to do his another weekend. I thought that was ridiculous because one of them is a little kid and it isn’t her.”

“I know technically we could do his in the afternoon and hers at night, but my in-laws throw crazy parties.”

For example:

“Her fortieth was like the size of a wedding and it requires lots of prep, hair, makeup, so it really wouldn’t fit.”

Both sides dug into their respective positions.

“I refused to move the date of his party. MIL got mad and said he won’t even remember. FIL (Father In Law) told me my son isn’t the end all be all and she was born first.”

Harsh words were used.

“I told MIL she was being a crybaby and to build a bridge and get over it.”

“I said he is a little kid, so his is more important than hers, and she can do her ridiculous pageant/birthday party another day (didn’t say that part out loud)”

The family is now in turmoil.

“MIL is now not talking to us, but not changing the date. This means the family will go to her party, and I feel like she is being really immature.”

“I have no regrets for what I said, but her daughters called me an a**hole and now aren’t talking to their brother.”

OP was left to wonder if she’d been in the wrong and so brought the matter to Reddit. 

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided: ESH

There were no good guys here.

“ESH because you all sound exhausting but if I’m honest I’d probably give this one a slight hedge in your MIL’s favor.”

“50 is as much a milestone birthday as 1, but one that SHE will remember and your son will likely just be cranky and overwhelmed with a room full of unfamiliar people throwing him off his schedule.”

“First birthday parties are for the parents, not the kid. And whether you find your mil’s love of her own birthday ridiculous is irrelevant.”

“She enjoys it. So find a compromise that doesn’t make everybody as cranky as your 1-year-old will be at his party. Give her 50 in exchange for making your son the be all and end all next year and joint celebrations thereafter or something”~amej117

There were suggestions for a smaller event. 

“That’s why we went low-key. Easy food and drinks for family, basic decorations, bonfire out back, ordered smash cakes.”

“Let the boys have at their cakes and hang out with family while still staying on their usual nap schedule. They had a good day and so did we.”~pashapook


“This isn’t even hard. Just sit down and compromise.”

“Baby’s first birthday is a 3 hour lunch, 12-3. Everyone gets to go home and prepare for MIL’s dinner at 6. Boom.”

“Gives three hours to take a break, baby will take a nap, and adults who want to party can go party. Everyone gets a fun day.”~lordliv

Reddit wasn’t angry, just disappointed. 

“ESH- A 50th birthday is a milestone just like a 1st birthday. You could’ve worked together and compromised but you both seem too immature to do so.”

“You don’t seem to like MIL that much anyway so enjoy your son’s party without her (and half his family).”~SailorPrincess28

Some said to temper expectations. 

“My 1-year-olds birthday recently fell on a Saturday and we had family come over for a small party on the day. In hindsight, I wish I didn’t organize the party for the day of his actual birthday.”

“I feel like I spent the entire morning getting ready for the party (food, cake, decorations, making our house look presentable etc) and not enough time with my baby.”

“To top it off, my husband got gastro and was sick the entire day so didn’t join us and baby slept most through most of the party, then got sick that night.”

“Most of the family that came to the party also came down with the gastro bug too within 24 hours.”

“My memory of that day is of being busy, stressing me on and exhausted.”~LiveSignificant

OP did return to give final clarity on why compromise isn’t an option.

“For everyone saying to do a joint party, MIL throws huge fancy parties, cocktail attire, open bar, going until 2am, and with some vulgar friends.”

“That isn’t an option and even if it was she wouldn’t want to”

While it isn’t always easy to compromise, it can be the fastest way to save a relationship.

Hopefully, OP and her MIL will work this out and find a way to give both milestones the attention they deserve.

We could all use the reminder though, to be a little bit more open to compromise and a little less set in our own way.

Written by Frank Geier

Frank Geier (pronouns he/him) is a nerd and father of three who recently moved to Alabama. He is an avid roleplayer and storyteller occasionally masquerading as a rational human.