Sometimes, it’s nice to have an unexpected visitor.
As you might have been feeling lonely, and a friend stopping by might prove to be just the ticket.
Most of the time, however, we tend to like at least a small heads-up that someone is on their way to see us.
Especially if they expect to be catered to.
The wife of Redditor Wrong_Basket_6811 was looking forward to a quiet, relaxing escape to her grandparent’s cabin.
Much to her dismay, she was greeted by an unannounced visitor, who even expected the original poster (OP)’s wife to prepare meals for her and entertain her.
Annoyed that this wasn’t the case, the OP clapped back claiming that she was an “unwanted guest” in the first place.
Fearing he may have been out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my mom she’s was an unwanted guest?”
The OP explained why he felt the need to put his mother in her place:
“My wife has had a stressful time at work and was looking forward to a vacation at her grandparents cabin.”
“She brought a few books she wanted to read and I brought my fishing rod.”
“She had no plans to entertain.”
“My dad stopped by to go fishing.”
“It was supposed to be just my dad stopping by for the day but somehow my mom inserted herself and I was shocked to see her.”
“My wife had no plans to entertain her.”
“I told my mom that.”
“My mom bought stuff for lunch and dinner and tried to engage my wife into making dinner for us all and my wife said no.”
“She’s relaxing and reading.”
“If my mom wanted to cook that’s my mom’s prerogative.”
“My dad and I get back late and at the table my mom started to complain how she did this all herself.”
“I looked at my wife who just took her plate and ate in her room.”
“My mom started to complain to me about it and I told my mom ‘she technically wasn’t invited and my wife had no expectations to entertain her in my wife’s cabin while my wife is on vacation’.”
“My mom started saying well she wouldn’t have came if she knew that.”
“I told my mom next time take the hint.”
“If you aren’t invited don’t come.”
“My parents left after dinner.”
“My mom complained that my wife should have tried to be a gracious hostess and I said maybe my mom should try not being an unwanted guest.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little to no support from the Reddit community.
Some had trouble sympathizing with anyone other than the OP’s wife, agreeing that her hopes for a relaxing weekend were dashed by everyone, including the OP:
“ESH.”
“Honestly if I were your wife I would have been FURIOUS that you went off fishing with Dad and left me alone with your unwanted mother.”
“One of the biggest issues I have is a lack of alone time in my day to day life; if I’d been looking forward to an entire day alone in a cabin and then my partner’s mom showed up, I would be so upset for him to leave me with her and continue with his plans.”
“Especially given her character as described.”
“OP, you told your mom that wife wasn’t there to entertain her, but from all of your comments, you seem to be fully aware that your mother doesn’t recognize boundaries and doesn’t take no for an answer.”
“Therefore I must conclude that you knew she wouldn’t just accept your statement and would spend the day badgering your wife.”
“You should have either taken mom fishing with you or sent them both home.”
“Your wife shouldn’t have had to lock herself in the bedroom all day and ruin her alone time so that you could fish with your dad and avoid your bully mom.”
“Your wife did an excellent job handling an annoying imposition.”
“Next time don’t put your wife in that position, take care of it yourself.”- mellow-drama
“ESH except your wife.”
“You invited your dad, he brought your mom, and you left your wife to deal with her.”
“You should have brought your mom fishing or sent both parents home.”- no_good_namez
“ESH.”
“Except wife.”
“Your mom sucks for coming at all.”
“Your dad sucks for letting your mom come.”
“You suck for inviting your dad to a peaceful cabin weekend at a property that doesn’t belong to you without the explicit consent of the owners AND your wife.”
“You suck for continuing to go fishing with your dad leaving your mom anywhere near your wife!”
“You should’ve told her to go home or spend the day anywhere else.”
“It doesn’t matter if she had to drive back for your dad, she wasn’t supposed to be there!”- Jmfroggie
“ESH except your wife.”
“The second your mother showed up you should’ve told them both that this wasn’t part of the plan and should’ve asked them to leave.”
“Instead, you left your wife with your mother and spent the entire day gone.”
“You eventually did the right thing but it should’ve happened way sooner.”
“You know your mother has a history of doing this and neither you nor your dad did anything to stop it.”
“If I had to guess, your dad is probably a ‘you know how she is’ enabler and no one likes to rock the boat with her.”
“Good on your wife that she sticks to her boundaries.”- Gringa-Loca26
While others felt the OP was the sole a**hole, for not explaining the situation more explicitly to his parents, particularly his mother, and then being a bit overly harsh toward her.
“YTA I have a different take.”
“You should have spoken to both of your parents and explained that this was just a fishing day and if your mom wanted to fish she was welcome to join you and your dad but that your wife was relaxing at the cabin so wouldn’t be entertaining her so it was best for your mom to either stay home or go fishing.”
“When she showed up uninvited you should have encouraged her to fish with you and then had a private conversation with your dad about how you were disappointed that he allowed this and that you would have to rethink future invitations.”
“Also, you shouldn’t have stayed out late fishing when you knew your mom was at the cabin.”
“You should have cut the fishing time short instead of leaving your wife with your mom all day.”
“YTA for making sure that your day wasn’t ruined, only your wife’s.”- blueswan6
“YTA due to your actions towards your wife, not to your mom.”
“If you have a member of your own family show up uninvited and unwanted, it is your job to either get them to leave OR stay there to entertain them.”
“You did neither.”
“I get you had other plans, but those plans should have gotten cancelled because of you needing to deal with the uninvited guest situation.”
“The fact that you left and allowed the uninvited guest to stay put a burden on your wife and also implied that you were ok with that guest being there.”
“You (unintentionally) told your mom through your actions of going ahead with your own plans that you were actually ok with her being there, and the fact that you left means that you kind of threw the ball to your wife to entertain her.”
“I know you said exactly one sentence to the contrary, but all of your other actions said the opposite. Actions speak louder than words, and your actions (leaving rather than dealing with the situation) created a conflict between your mom and your wife that never needed to exist.”- stilldebugging
“Maaate.”
“YTA.”
“Your first paragraph tells you, YTA.”
“Your wife has had a stressful time at work.”
“The trip to the cabin is an escape for her – no finger lifting, no hosting.”
“So what do you do?”
“You invite your dad.”
“Knowing from past experience your mom will likely jump in because as you say, she does this All The Time.”
“And then you leave the two of them to it because you and your dad r ‘gone fishin”.”
“Bet you two had a great time.”
“And then you come back to find your wife has been made to feel uncomfortable and restricted in her own family’s place.”
“Again, knowing that your mom invites herself and behaves this way ‘all the time’.”
“Drama ensues.”
“How restful for your wife.”
“You blame your mom for all this, get a few digs in.”
“Dude wipe the dirt and denial off that mirror, that’s You staring back at yourself.”
“You’re to blame.”- gordiesgoodies
Without an invitation, the OP’s mother shouldn’t have gone to the cabin, or anywhere, expecting to be waited on.
However, seeing as everyone seemed to be partaking in a little quiet escape, it couldn’t have felt good to be the odd one out.
Had the OP made the situation clear to her, all the unpleasantness could have likely been avoided.
And his wife could have had the quiet relaxing weekend she was hoping for.