Trusting someone to take care of your kid is a huge responsibility. Just being the kid’s relative is not enough. Especially when you know they don’t respect your rules or decisions.
Redditor pep-rika221 encountered this very issue with their MIL. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
AITA for not letting my MIL spend time with my baby unsupervised?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (31) and my husband, J (34) have a daughter, C (10 months). Since she was born my MIL has been on at me asking me when I’m going to have her ears pierced.”
“C will not be having her ears pierced until she asks for it (so definitely not yet when she can’t even speak).”
“She says it’s hypocritical of me considering all the piercings I have (several piercings on both ears, plus my nose), but my own mother wouldn’t let me even get my earlobes pierced until I was 10.”
“MIL had both SILs pierced when they were tiny, and she keeps going on about how ‘it’s better because they won’t remember it.'”
“J says he supports whatever decision I make on the matter because I’m the one who would have to clean it (I stay home with C, J works full time).”
OP’s MIL also loves babysitting her new granddaughter.
“So a few weeks ago, MIL was looking after C for us because I was going with J to his uncle’s funeral.”
“As I was coming down the stairs I hear MIL talking to C about how ‘they’re going to go out shopping and get her some pretty earrings.'”
“I went into the room and told her in no uncertain terms that that would not be happening, and if I can’t trust her to respect my decisions about my own daughter I would find someone else to look after her (I managed to get my sister to watch her).”
“MIL keeps trying to arrange to have her for a few hours, she even tried to offer to have her overnight so J and I can go out.”
“I refused, I told MIL she could come and visit her, but I no longer trusted her not to get her ears pierced behind my back, so she would be seeing her unsupervised.”
“J and my SILs think I’m overreacting, AITA here?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“As a parent who actually had this happen, NTA. And BTW, I pressed assault charges and sued the company who did it without my consent.” ~ InvestigatorOk2275
“Came here to say this. If you have it in writing even better.”
“I would go ahead and talk to your local precinct and let them know you have a relative who has been explicitly told they aren’t allowed to be alone with your child due to threats of body modification and you want it on record she has been warned if she does so you will press criminal charges.” ~ Befub14435
“Yep. My ex in laws had asked me about it I was gonna get her ears done and I said no, she had to be older and that was that. Or so I thought. Came to pick her up one day and she has new earrings.”
“I was fuming and called the police in their living room then called her pediatrician to find out the best way to remove them. Ex mil got fined, had to take parenting classes, and couldn’t be alone with any children for the duration of her 2 year probation.”
“The business ended up footing the bills for my lawyer and my kids medical costs, pay a huge fine, and the employees involved were terminated, including the district manager. I’m ok with that.” ~ InvestigatorOk2275
“Potentially feel bad for the employees, but am I correct in thinking the ex in laws didn’t simply lie and say they were the parents? Not like kids have ID.”
“I also refused to get my kids ears pierced. My daughter is going to be 30 in January. She still doesn’t have pierced ears.” ~ AnswerIsItDepends
“My daughter asked for her ears to get pierced for her 13th, I took her to a tattoo shop to get it done by a licensed professional and they made me show a copy of her birth certificate and they took a copy of my ID as well.” ~ Sparkly-Squid
“At 15 to get my belly button pierced I had to have a notarized form showing my mother was my mother.”
“Pretty wild that I could speak for myself and say yes and that wasn’t enough but places will go around allowing anyone to bring in infants and toddlers.” ~ LyKoe
“This is the way! Proper sterilization is key, those guns from box shops are not OK and can damage the ear or infect it. It’s not good.” ~ ghostfacedladyalex
“For real! I got my ears done at a mall kiosk (I think it was Claire’s, maybe?) when I was 12 and they were swollen and infected within a week.”
“Now I have one hole that is fine and the other is just a mess of scar tissue that i’m trying to find a parlor that can redo it with minimal trauma (‘perk’ of living in a small town — next to no tattoo/piercing parlors). I wish I’d waited and gotten them done at a licensed parlor.” ~ dovahgriin
OP answered some questions.
“Edit to answer some FAQ:”
“J and his sisters are in agreement that it’s mine (and J’s) decision, but they aren’t siding with me on this because they don’t believe their mother would go behind our backs like that.”
“I haven’t/don’t plan on getting the police involved at the moment because I feel that would just cause a lot of problems and would cause more of MILs family to turn on me.”
“Piercings isn’t a cultural thing for her, she’s white British. I don’t know why she’s so intent on me doing it just because her own daughters’ ears were done so young. She never forced piercings onto J, nor on any of her grandsons (C is her only granddaughter).”
“This isn’t the only thing we disagree about, she’s always telling me exactly what I’m doing ‘wrong’…and not just me, she does it with J and his sisters too.”
It’s a mother-daughter choice.
Grandma should respect that.