Dating someone with a different background can open you up to new experiences and foods.
It is amazing to see all the similarities between different cultures and how we’ve inspired each other.
However, misunderstandings happen easily when you’re talking to someone who doesn’t know a lot about your culture.
A Redditor encountered this very issue with their mom and girlfriend. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
They asked:
“AITA for demanding my mom apologize after she blew up at my girlfriend who she thought was being racist?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m black and my girlfriend is Filipino. My parents aren’t the biggest fans just because we come from different socioeconomic backgrounds and they don’t think I should be with a ‘rich girl'”
“My parents came over for dinner last night and my girlfriend was going to cook.”
“Neither of us cook much and we eat way too much takeout, so she decided to make fried chicken because it is something she made with her mom growing up. Her mom came here from the Philippines and I guess it is pretty popular over there.”
OP’s mom took it poorly.
“When my mom saw the fried chicken she thought that my girlfriend was either making fun of her or just going off a racial stereotype.”
“She immediately started cussing at her and demanding an apology. I explained to my mom that fried chicken is popular in the Philippines and I googled it to show her that there are a lot of Filipino recipes.”
“She calmed down but did not apologize.”
“I asked if she was going to apologize and she said it was just a misunderstanding. I said she should still apologize and she got offended, so I asked her to leave. I’m not talking to her until she apologizes but I don’t know if that is too harsh.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. Your mother is a hypocrite for being racist towards a woman because she thought she was racist.”
“Instead of getting to know the woman that her son is going to be spending time with, she decides to judge her using socioeconomic status and race as a reason to hate her.”
“ETA, because some people don’t understand the racist part. By making the assumption that gf made fried chicken because the mom is black, the mom is viewing this as gf making a racist stereotype towards black people. Last time I checked, everyone enjoys a good Popeyes or Jollibee chicken.” ~ Thr0w4w4y_96
“Piggybacking your comment because I’ve noticed this at an increasing rate.”
“People will claim something is racist or cUlTuRaL ApPr0pRiAtIoN while knowing NOTHING about the culture of the people they’re attacking/accusing.”
“I’ve seen people claim ‘cultural ownership’ of a thing that’s universally human over and over again.”
“This is especially common with American people of any color. Heck, the other day I saw a lady claim that quilts originated with African American slaves because they were forced to make quilts in the old days when in reality there are very old quilts found all over the world, from Japan to Sweden and the Andes. Each area had their own quilting style and custom. Quilts are not uniquely American, although the US has a very rich quilt culture. Which is a great thing.”
“If we’re going to claim people show our culture respect and knowledge, that request needs to be reciprocated.”
“Edit: Holy guacamole, this really blew up. I’m in shock. Thank you for all the rewards and responses kind people. We are the world united <3” ~ ImFinePleaseThanks
“If you list off the reasons this mother doesn’t like this woman, the mother is trying to find ways to have a problem. She did not come in with good intentions or peace in mind.” ~ raya__85
“Couldn’t have put it better myself, NTA” ~ lordliz101
Redditors sympathized.
“I’m going to say this nicely as possible, you’d have to be pretty ignorant about the world not to know there’s multiple cultures with fried chicken recipes. Especially Asia. They perfected fried foods.” ~ raya__85
“The mother is completely at fault. A reasonable person would seek clarification (understanding) before making judgement.”
“‘Why did you do that?’ But OPs mother went beyond that. Not only did she judge the GF, she sent out ‘punishment’ by cussing and ridiculing her.”
“Also – the misunderstanding was 100% on the mother’s part.”
“The mother is totally in the wrong. She needs to apologize.” ~ LadyLightTravel
Most agree OP’s girlfriend was not being racist.
“While it is true that many races like chicken it is a racial stereotype saying all black people like fried chicken, to the point it can be used as a gross insult.”
“Racial insults should be called out but in the case of a non-white girl dating a black man and she is trying to impress his parents, and she has her own racial slurs to deal with, it should have been assumed she wasn’t going for an insult – or at least the question could have been asked.”
“Also not growing up in the US she might be unaware of this stereotype.”
“The OP is NTA because the reaction was with swearing and yelling instead of talking through with what was going on. There was a chance for a real learning about each other’s cultures and the struggles each has to deal with and special histories each has if it hadn’t gone nuclear with the first moment – strike first, ask questions later is not a good policy.” ~ The_Rowan
“Right! There are many recipes in different parts of the world that are variations on the same theme. There are only so many ways to combine foods. Often it’s just the spice palettes that are different.”
“It’s not like putting breading on chicken is some crazy idea that only Americans have ever come up with. I don’t get this.” ~ MiddleSchoolisHell
“As a Filipino… Honestly you couldn’t go 5 minutes in Manila without tripping over someone selling fried anything”
“And now I’m craving Jollibee fried chicken and I hate you all because there’s none where I live.” ~ fakingandnotmakingit
Who doesn’t love some fried chicken?