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Mom With Cancer Sets Off Doctor Husband After Deciding To Leave Stepchildren Out Of Her Will

Woman wrapping pink scarf around her head
Alvaro Medina Jurado/GettyImages

A woman who has been “comfortably” living with cancer made an arrangement that was met with controversy in the household.

The woman said she loves all of her children, but her claim was challenged when she made an official future decision.

She visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online after causing some drama.

Redditor Alternative_One_2709 asked:

“AITA for leaving everything to my bio children and none to my step?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“I 51 f[female] have been battling cancer since I was 28. It’s came back three times, and now I am at a point in my life where I am ‘comfortably’ living with cancer.”

“I have 2 daughters in their 20s, with children one being widowed. I remarried 2 years ago to a man with 4 children, one still living at home with us (he’s 19.)”

“It’s been weighing heavy on my Mind to make sure everything’s in order in case of the worst and I had told my husband I had planned to leave everything to my children and grandchildren. I wanted to make sure they were set.”

“He got upset and said that was horrible bc I married a man knowing he had children. That what I was doing was horrible and would make them feel unloved.”

“I love my stepchildren like my own, but one of my daughters is a 29 y.o widow with 3 young children.”

“My husband is an oral surgeon, and he makes great money. What he chooses to do with it after he passes is up to him.”

“He’s been very upset by this and has not been talking to me and he even told his eldest daughter who’s also had many tragedies in her life, and she brought it up when she stopped by the house she was also upset by this.”

“I don’t have much to offer, not like my husband but I don’t see the big deal, I don’t want their feelings hurt. My husband says it’s the principal I married a man with children. AITA?”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole here.

“He may be a high earner as an oral surgeon, but I would not be surprised if he married you for money. Of your 51 years of life, this man has not been in 49 of those.”

“It sounds like, with the exception of the 19 yo, all his other three children are adults. Why on earth would they expect to be part of the will of a woman they only met two years ago when they were already grown-ups?”

“I believe you need to revisit this relationship. As Maya Angelou said, ‘when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time…'”

“NTA and get well!” – Artistic_Thought7309

“My husband and I have been married 43 years. We have both agreed that if one of us dies and the other remarried, their assets would be left to our kids when they die.” – LingonberryPrior6896

“Me too, sort of.”

“I can not fathom meeting someone that I could live with let alone marry after the decades I have spent with my spouse.”

“If, in the odd happenstance, I did meet someone, not only would I be very open about my children/grandchildren receiving my estate, but I might make plans depending on where we lived.”

“I might consider (depending on the relationship) allowing the new partner to reside in my home until they choose to move or die. The ownership of the house would be with my heirs.”

“OP is NTA.”

“ETA: IF OP is reading this, maybe they should ask if their spouse is leaving something to her bio kids.” – Aggravating-Pain9249

“You should set up a trust and put the assets you want to go to your children in it. Some form of joint revocable trust that turns into irrevocable upon the passing of one of you.”

“If you both agree that those assets should be off limits for a second spouse or stepchildren, there should be no argument against formalizing that.”

“My dad got disinherited when my grandfather left everything to his second wife. Don’t be that person.” – Several_Razzmatazz51

“Make sure you make this plain and legal in your will.”

“I have seen people agree to this only for a second spouse to take all the deceased spouse’s assets and give them to their own children. Distant relatives of mine are currently still in a legal fight over their grandfather’s money and assets.”

“He’s been dead for over a decade but their grandmother’s second husband is laying claim to money and property that are not his.”

“My husband and I have wills that will automatically create a trust for the children so that any second spouses are unable to touch our money.” – Accurate_Voice8832

“Op is in her 50s and comfortably living with it. I think she should move out either into one of her cbi4ldrens places or find a quant apartment by herslef.”

“File for divorce. Cause he has no best interest in you or your children. 2 years… run to an attorney.”

“NTA.” – Lawlesseyes

“Major NTA. There’s some entitlement here that would scare the heck out of me from a partner you’ve been married to for 2 years. How long had you been together prior to marriage? If it’s not a long time, I’d genuinely be concerned.”

“If I were marrying late in life, with adult or almost adult children, I’d also have assumed we were each responsible for our own kids. I think the general population would feel the same way.”

“Especially when it sounds like your partner has more than you to leave behind – was he planning on splitting his estate among his bio & step kids like he expects of you?”

“Idk how else to say it, but take care of the inheritance plan/will writing soon. Also… do you have life insurance? Who is the beneficiary? If you didn’t list one, depending on your state, it may automatically be your spouse.”

“I’d probably be making sure that’s going to your kids equally as well.” – HeathFromHR

“Hey OP, I must admit that I am surprised that as a surgeon your husband didn’t request a pre-nup.”

“But I am also very surprised, admittedly even more so, that as someone who has frequently battled cancer that estate planning was never discussed??”

“Please help me understand, were these always your plans to leave everything to your bio kids or is this something new?” – Successful_Bitch107

‘Hey OP, I must admit that I am surprised that as a surgeon your husband didn’t request a pre-nup.’

“He didn’t request one because he was planning on out living OP and collecting from her estate.” – Environmental_Art591

“Make it even easier for your kids. Set all the insurance and accounts as Payable on Death to your children. See with your lawyer about any other property. Such as putting them in a trust which goes directly to your kids.”

“Basically, you want everything to pass to them immediately, outside of probate. So that they don’t have to possibly wait a year or more.”

“Stuff like jewelry and valuables around the house. You may want to give to them before passing. Along with stuff like pictures. At least take an inventory with photos of everything for them to have.”

“Edit: Seeing that your spouse showed their green-eyed monster. You may want to consider giving your kids medical and financial power of attorney. Until you pass.”

“Most financial accounts allow you to also set an accountant function to speed up the process and allow them to monitor them.” – velocityg4

“You’ve been married for two years and he wants you to leave money to his kids? His adult kids? LOLOLOL.”

“Is he planning on leaving money to your kids? I’m willing to bet he’s not. And I guarantee you if you pass before him your kids won’t see a dime.”

“He’s an oral surgeon. He makes good coin. He can take care of his own adult kids if he wants to.” – GhostParty21

“NTA he got upset and said you were horrible?!? He told one of his kids? Ask to see his will, beneficiary designations…right now. I doubt your kids are on there. Rightfully so. You’ve been married for two years and you both have adult children. Just…no.” – dart1126

“NTA. You married a man who had a 17 year old and 3 grown children , didn’t even raise them and your husband thinks your supposed to give them what you’d pass on to your daughters and grandkids???? That makes no sense to me.” – Kris82868

“It takes a special kind of AH to fight with your cancer-battling wife of two years because of who takes what after she dies. OP not only you’re NTA, but I’d also think really hard about what you’re really getting out of this marriage.” – RelevantSchool1586

Overall, Redditors thought the OP deciding to allocate her finances over to her biological children, not to her stepchildren, was warranted.

Hopefully, tensions will be resolved so she doesn’t have to spend the remainder of her life carrying the weight of her guilty conscience.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo