Gaming addiction—also called internet gaming disorder—is characterized by “severely reduced control over gaming habits, resulting in negative impacts on daily functioning, including personal, social, educational and occupational responsibilities.”
But millions of people play video games every day. Only a small percentage of those individuals will develop a gaming addiction.
Excessive gaming can be a symptom of a larger issue like untreated depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or undiagnosed autism or ADHD.
A husband concerned with his wife’s online gaming turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Middle_Leading8469 asked:
“AITA for telling my wife to stop playing Roblox and do her duties as a parent?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My wife (37, female) and I (36, male) have always tried to keep the housework pretty evenly split between us. I, for example, mow the lawn, do laundry, and do dishes and she meal plans, cooks, and picks up/drops off the kid(s).”
“She works part-time and usually gets home around 2:00. We only have one kid; he gets home on the school bus when there’s no after-school activity or practice.”
“She, in the past, has been the one in charge of cooking and food, but recently, I have started to do this because of the events in this post. We are usually eating around 6:30.”
“Lately, this has all changed because she has become addicted to a game called Dress to Impress on Roblox. If you aren’t familiar, it’s a game where you have to dress your character in a themed outfit before the time runs out, and the other players rate it from 1 to 5 stars.”
“It started off harmless, just a fun thing she would do during downtime before bed, but recently she has missed crucial appointments and chores because of this game. I tried to be understanding and gently remind her to do her tasks, but she would always say she ‘forgot’ or ‘got distracted’.”
“The big argument happened last night when she forgot to pick up our 9-year-old son from basketball practice, which ended at 6:00pm. I hadn’t gotten home yet as I had to work late, and our son doesn’t have a phone, so I had no way of knowing the situation.”
“I eventually got home around 7:00 and realized he was not in his room. I looked around further and saw that he was nowhere to be found.”
“I walked into our bedroom, confused, to ask my wife where he was and found her on her iPad playing the game as always. When I asked her where our son was, her eyes grew wide, and I knew what happened without her having to say.”
“I immediately got back into my car and went to pick him up. Luckily, his coach had stayed after to make sure he was picked up safe and I apologized profusely.”
“Apparently, he had been calling and texting my wife, who was the emergency contact, and she didn’t even notice.”
“When we got home, I immediately blew up at her. How could she be so addicted to a kids’ game that she completely forgot our son?”
“Now, she’s telling me it was a one-time thing and that I’m an a**hole for getting angry.”
“I’m not entirely sure how she missed all of the messages and phone calls from the coach. We haven’t spoken much since the argument.”
“I don’t know what to think. I do kind of understand her side of the story as it has only happened one time, but she has to be a responsible parent.”
“She can’t just completely forget about our child who has no way to get home on his own!”
“So, AITA?”
The OP later added:
“I’m planning on talking to her tomorrow morning because we’ll have had a day to cool off and think it over. I’ll be sure to not keep being harsh on her.”
“I did get angry at her during the argument and I am regretting it now. I don’t want to make her feel too bad or damage our marriage at all for something that shouldn’t be such a big deal if her future actions change.”
“My wife is not/has not been diagnosed with anything before, but after this I think it would be good to look into it.”
“I talked to my son in the car after the original event and he seemed okay from my perspective.”
“Obviously he was a little afraid and confused, but nothing that should impact him in the long run. I’ll continue to be checking up on him and making sure though.”
“I texted the coach to add my number to the emergency contact list, so hopefully nothing like this will happen again.”
“I might look into a flip phone or something similar for my son. I just don’t want to give him free rein on the internet so young, so that’ll probably be a good solution.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I may be the a**hole for yelling at my wife and making her feel like a terrible parent.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. This isn’t a ‘chore’ she’s blowing off, this is forgetting your own child. How could she not even notice the calls and texts from the coach?”
“That’s what I’m wondering about? Is something else going on with her?” ~ ParsimoniousSalad
“I’d be furious if I had a spouse who did this. Frankly you guys got off lucky, because what if something serious had happened?”
“What if your son had been in serious trouble, like had a medical emergency? Imagine her showing up hours later to the hospital and explaining ‘sorry it took me so long to get here, I got distracted playing Roblox’.”
“I understand the desire to bum around and play dumb video games, God knows I’ve invested hours of my life into Minecraft. However, there are some duties that you simply cannot shirk or procrastinate, and children are number one on that list.”
“After your wife cools off, you should approach her calmly and explain all this. At this point she must realize that her lack of self-control with this game has gotten out of hand, and hopefully self-reflection will lead to her either cutting back or quitting Roblox altogether.”
“Forgetting your son for hours and ignoring all calls is unacceptable. When you do confront her, try to avoid accusatory language; People respond better when they don’t feel attacked.”
“But at the same time, you cannot tolerate any more of this nonsense, so if she refuses to change her ways, then it is time to start setting some hard boundaries with serious consequences. NTA.”
“Good luck, I really hope everything works out for you guys. I would never want someone to get divorced or for a child to get hurt over Roblox.”
“I think it’s about her using it as a way to fill a hole in her life—that being lack of fulfillment. If she’s open to it, she might want to find a therapist who could talk to her about alternative, healthier, fun activities and how to balance addictive games.” ~ old_vegetables
“It is way beyond ‘nonsense’. Something a lot bigger. I have been there, and it is lonely—especially when you don’t even know why you are doing it.”
“It could be depression, overwhelmed, burnout, addiction. And it might be layers of things—not just one obvious one.”
“That level of tuning everything else out is basically disassociation.”
“Her brain is sending some kind of message that it feels it needs to escape, can’t handle, needs that dopamine, whatever it is, and this is just a symptom. It could probably be any game or something else like a TV program.”
“The boundaries should be about when and where she is going to get help.And you will support her finding the right resources as much as you can while policing things around the house to keep everyone safe.”
“I have played that game with my teenager, and it is fun, but not that fun, and half the time, the results don’t even make sense. BUT, the start and finish are very quick, the results come in, and you start again. So the dopamine hits just keep coming.” ~ simsplayer378
“Games like this are designed to be addictive so that the players will either spend money on in-game currency/items or keep glued to it through ads.”
“This is no different from a gambling addiction, game developers literally hire the same kind of experts who design slot machine games to help make their video games impossible to walk away from.”
“Your wife needs help. This has progressed to a full-on mental health issue, and it will only get worse without intervention.” ~ Omnitographer
“OMG. Forgetting your child 😵“
“I am a mom, and I am a gamer. And I think I fit the category of gaming a bit much at times.”
“But never have I forgotten my child. I am way too anxious for that.”
“To be sure, I have an alarm set, but several times I forgot to set it, and I never forgot my child. Somehow, an hour before the end of school, my nerves already start kicking in for that.”
“And to be fair, if that ever would happen, it will be the day I stop gaming. So no, NTA.” ~ S0larsea
Hopefully the OP’s discussion with his wife went well.