Redditor silhateskids is a mother of twins with whom she shares with her wife.
The Original Poster (OP) thought her relationship with her sister-in-law (SIL), who was referred to as “Lucy”, was fine until she found that was not the case.
After confronting Lucy about the recent discovery, the OP visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for refusing to let my SIL around my kids?”
The OP wrote:
“So my brother and SIL are childfree by choice. I have 2 year old twins with my wife that I gave birth to after having suffered 2 miscarriages previously.”
“Aside from Lucy not being that enthusiastic about them, everything seemed fine.”
“But then recently, a friend of mine joined a few private childfree groups on Facebook. One turned out to be one of the more toxic childfree groups (similar to main childfree sub on here, to give you an idea) and she saw that Lucy had been posting about me and my kids.”
“Posts dating back to when I was pregnant with my twins, saying that it was ‘so sad’ to see me putting myself through this again after the miscarriages, and basically implying I was pitiable and stupid for wanting this and whatever (implied that this was especially so bc I’m obviously married to a woman so couldn’t get pregnant ‘naturally’).”
“And then complaining that I thought the world revolved around me for being pregnant (at the time that I was on bed rest during my high risk pregnancy!) and that I shouldn’t complain because I chose this.”
“And then complaining about the kids, and how whenever she sees my family everything revolves around them, and calling my kids brats and ranting about them being badly behaved and dirty and etc etc.”
“Now, I would say I’m pretty strict with my kids, I know I’m still somewhat biased as their mother but I really don’t think my kids are that badly behaved for their age. I mean, they’re two ffs, they’re going to be irrational, they’re going to have tantrums and get upset over tiny things, they’re going sneeze and drool and drop crumbs and make a mess sometimes.”
“And it’s fine for her to not want to be around that, but that doesn’t mean she gets to call me and my wife and kids every name under the book (‘breeders’, ‘crotchgoblin’, all the typical ones).”
“Anyway, my friend sent me screenshots of these posts and I was pretty pissed. I went on our family group chat (just me, my wife, my parents, Alex and Lucy, and my younger sister on there) and posted the screenshots and said that someone has brought these to my attention and Lucy doesn’t have to love my kids, but I won’t tolerate anyone talking about them like that and I would not feel comfortable having her around them for a while.”
“Alex got Lucy to send me an apology, but while I acknowledge it I don’t think her feelings have changed and I still don’t want her around them and will not let Alex see them if she’s present.”
“Alex is really upset about being caught in the middle and kind of implied I’m withholding my kids from him to punish him for what Lucy did, and says that I should forgive her because she was just venting in private and would never say that to our faces.”
“IMO that’s not the point, it’s not about forgiving her, I just don’t want someone around my kids that would say that stuff about them. AITA?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors weighed in with their mostly not the a**hole judgments
“NTA. She wasn’t venting in private. She was making vile comments about you, your pregnancy, and your children on social media.”
“You are under no obligation to have her near you, your children, or your property unless you wish it. No-one is putting anyone in the middle. She acted horribly and is now facing the consequences of her actions.”
“Your brother can still see them.” – walnutwithteeth
“NTA. Op has every right to want to keep her family away from sil. I mean come on Alex MADE sil apologize to her.”
“Not once did she actually reach out and really apologized to Op. Alex only wants op to let it go so it can be easier on him and sil. Sorry but if you need to vent you should probably do that offline.”
“Sil behavior is really awful does she honestly expect that her inlaws to ignore the kids. I mean after everything that op went through her having these babies is a blessing and of course their grandparents should be allowed to be happy to have them around.”
“Maybe sil feels jealous that her children are getting all the attention here. If she doesn’t like the kids then maybe she should be the one to stay at home because it’s always going to be about the kids and she needs to realize those babies did nothing wrong and they have every right to be loved and showed affection by their family.”
“I wouldn’t want to bring my kids around her either if I had a sil like her. Alex needs to just realize that a fake apology doesn’t make things right.” – CODE_NAME_DUCKY
“As a childfree woman, I have found the childfree groups on FB to be VERY toxic. I would never refer to children as crotch goblins as I do not hate them but simply don’t want my own.”
“I left the childfree sub here on Reddit for the same reason. I have almost nothing in common with the majority of the childfree crowd. They don’t want others judging them, but they are probably the MOST judgmental group of individuals I’ve ever seen. NTA.” – GOTisnotover77
“NTA. I’m child free myself, and I honestly don’t get the complete aversion some people seem to have of people who have them. It’s a life choice…you do whatever makes you happy and other people will do the same.”
“Making the ‘traditional’ choice doesn’t make anyone less of a woman. SIL sounds immature.” – Aniram93
“NTA. Her true feelings are being made known behind your back. They are neither child-friendly nor respectful toward you. It’s not about holding a grudge. I would avoid her.” – Weskit
In an update, the OP addressed a common concern.
“Some people are questioning why I sent screenshots on family group. It was because usually when Alex and Lucy come to town they stay with my parents and I wanted to make it clear to everyone that I wouldn’t be bringing my kids into any situation where Lucy was there, at least for the foreseeable future.”
Overall, Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole in the situation and agreed she had every right not to let Lucy near her kids.