Bridesmaid Sets Off Bride By Opting To Stay In Hotel During Bachelorette Party Instead Of Cramped Airbnb With Nine Women

One of the keys to a successful trip is comfort.

Traveling is meant to be fun.

But comfort and fun can be deflated fast.

Oftentimes, there are too many people sharing space in order to save money.

But sometimes the sacrifice isn't worth it for everyone involved.

Redditor Wild_Spinach_8881 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

She asked:

"WIBTA if I go against the bride's wishes at a bachelorette party?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"I'm (30 F[emale]) a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding this summer."

"We're doing the bachelorette party over the Memorial Day long weekend."

"Between the bride, the bridesmaids, and other friends, there will be 10 people going (all women in their 20s and 30s)."

"The M[aid] O[f] H[onor] has rented a vacation property that can sleep up to 10 people."

"Realistically, it can comfortably sleep like 5 people, but it can go up to 10 if you share beds and use pull-out couches."

"It also only has 2 bathrooms."

"I assumed not everyone would be staying at the property because half the guests live in the city where we're doing the bachelorette party."

"I thought some of them would probably just sleep at home."

"But that's not the case."

"Everyone is staying at the property."

"This is what the bride wants, and her logic is that it's really cheap if all 10 people split the bill for the rental."

"I'm not trying to be an a**hole, but I don't want to share a bed."

"I don't want to sleep on a pull-out couch."

"I don't want to share a bathroom, especially not with that many people."

"There is a hotel right down the block from the vacation rental."

"I want to stay there instead."

"I work long hours and don't want to be exhausted for work the following week because I got terrible rest over the weekend."

"I'm still willing to pay for my share (10%) of the vacation rental since I already committed to doing it, even if I don't stay at the rental."

"My friend (the bride) is really upset about this."

"She wants everyone together, and even the guests who live in this city are sacrificing the comfort of their own beds to stay in the rental."

"She thinks it will be less fun if I'm leaving at night."

"Realistically, I think there's a money thing at play, too."

"I make good money but also work a lot, while my friend and her circle are more 9-5 corporate types."

"Totally fine, but I also have money to do stuff like stay in my own hotel room while they (especially the bride who's paying for a wedding) are more budget-conscious."

"I think my friend sees my decision as rubbing the money in her face."

"EDIT: Apparently, I should mention that this would be for 3 nights (fly in Friday evening after work, fly out Monday afternoon)."

The OP was left to wonder:

"If I stay at the hotel instead of respecting the bride's wishes, WIBTA?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.

"NTA. Ten women and two bathrooms is a TERRIBLE idea. Is drinking planned?"

"Are some of the celebrators sloppy drunks?"

"What is so great about sharing a bed with someone who isn’t your S[ignificant] O[ther]?"

"If you’re present for all of the waking activities, that should be enough."

"If the bride is going to be sulky about it, offer to go ahead and pay your 10%, but drop out of being a bridesmaid."

"Yes, it’s her wedding, and yes, her wishes should be considered, but if her idea of fun is to cover her body in honey and run through an apiary, others should be allowed to opt out." ~ CrazyOldBag

"Someone is going to bring a guy back to the house."

"Someone is going to snore."

"Half the group will have to use the bathroom during the night."

"Showering sounds like a nightmare."

"Lots of people are sleeping on the floor."

"Nobody will get good sleep or be very comfortable."

"It sounds like my personal hell."

"Get your own place." ~ rora_borealis

"Ooof NTA."

"I’m a hard no on sharing a space in a different city with strange men picked up from clubs."

"There is too much that can go wrong in that situation." ~ Upset_Form_5258

"NTA. If the bride wants a sleepover party, then she needs to book a place that actually sleeps 10."

"You are an adult, you don’t have to be uncomfortable." ~ eregina3

"Agree!"

"I had 7 people at my bachelorette, including myself; only local friends & kept it to a local rental. "

"It was Friday after work until Sunday morning."

"I paid for the accommodations, and the only people who shared a room were my sister and I."

"Everyone else had their own room, and there were 3 bathrooms."

"At this point in my life, I refuse to share a room or a bed with anyone that isn’t my mom, sister, or spouse."

"OP, you’re NTA." ~ mcarch

"I hate bachelorette culture."

"Stay where you’re comfortable and make an effort to be present for group meals/activities, have a positive attitude, and be mindful not to add any more friction to the bride’s plans. NTA." ~ creepurrier

"Me too."

"Consequently, I've only been a bridesmaid one time."

"The bride and I were broke in college, and her parents were footing most of the bill."

"We were in Portland, and her wedding was in Sacramento."

"I helped her plan almost all of it."

"She then wanted a very expensive bachelorette thing that was 4x my monthly rent and on a completely different weekend than the wedding in Sacramento."

"I didn't have a car."

"She also wanted bridesmaid dresses that were $480 each."

"The wedding venue alone was $10k."

"The whole wedding was a $40k affair."

"They were divorced within two years."

"Her relationship with that man was so performative with everything that anyone could have seen it coming from forty miles away." ~ last_rights

"This isn’t a single night, where I agree I might just suck it up."

"But it’s 3 nights of bed sharing and bathroom sharing."

"Or 3 nights of discomfort on a pull-out or air mattress on the floor."

"I agree the focus on money here sounds smug as hell, and the assumptions about others’ circumstances are making my eyes roll."

"But it doesn’t change the fact that it’s 3 nights of discomfort."

"OP has agreed to pay her share."

"She’s not backing out on that and causing cost to others."

"And if sleep has a major impact on OP as it does on me, OP is likely to be a far better/more pleasant participant if she stays somewhere else and gets sleep."

"I do agree that it would be poor form to disappear back to the hotel early."

"So if the hotel thing happens, OP had better stick it out at least a couple of nights while the celebration is happening."

"But she can do that and still get uninterrupted sleep at the hotel."

"So NTA." ~ OkBoss3435

"NTA. There's absolutely nothing going on while everyone is asleep."

"And grown adults don't want to share beds with strangers, sleep on sofas, or sleep on an air mattress in the living room."

"That's not fun."

"If the bride insists on making this her hill to die on, it's okay for you to back out entirely." ~ teresajs

"NTA. You're not 12, this is not a sleepover, and even if it was, you'd expect you to all have separate sleeping bags."

"10 people sharing two bathrooms?"

"That's just a recipe for frustration, especially if there's any heavy drinking."

"Honestly, you've offered to pay for your own space just down the block - if they're planning to party into tree night, it doesn't mean you can't be with them, you'll just go to the hotel when you're ready to sleep." ~ Umbra_Lucis

"Yeah, I especially would not want to share a bed with someone I don't really know."

"OP didn't state whether the other bridesmaids were friends of hers or not, but I have been in the bridal parties of friends where the friend getting married was the only person I knew or was close with, and the other bridesmaids were people I had just met or were acquaintances."

"I definitely wouldn't want to share a bed with someone in that case."

"Personally, I'd probably take one for the team if I knew and was friendly with everyone, or perhaps sleep on the couch or an air mattress/sleeping bag for myself if it was just one night, but I don't blame OP at all." ~ Ok_Amphibian_8864

"NTA. I cannot share a bed with people who aren't my husband, and even that one is tough sometimes."

"And if I can't sleep well and am uncomfortable, I'm going to be cranky and feel like I'm ruining the vibe."

"Staying at a hotel down the street says, 'you are important to me, and I want to be with you for your special stuff.'"

"It puts the focus and priority on the bride."

"You aren't demanding they change the venue, you aren't cutting out, you're still there - just in a way that is best for everyone."

"Not everyone can just 'suck it up."'

"Some people's votes are really weird in this thread." ~ obtusewisdom

"NTA, I get it."

"I’m a very light sleeper and don’t sleep well with or around other people, let alone anywhere but the comfort of my own bed."

"As long as you’re still able to pay your portion of the room, and stay with the rest of the party until they are ready to go to bed, I really don’t see the problem." ~ wineandkittiez

Reddit doesn't think you'd be the a**hole here, OP.

Ten people with two bathrooms?

Even dorms have more space.

You're still offering to help pay for their spot, which is very generous.

Your friend is just going to have to accept your decision.

Good Luck.