Whenever we make a trip to go see family or friends, typically a lot of planning goes into that trip, especially when the trip is far away or even overseas.
For trips like that, sometimes sacrifices have to be made, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor FarAwayThrowaway9 was missing her family after not seeing them throughout the entire pandemic, but when she made plans for the trip, she realized her husband and son would not be able to go with her.
When her husband balked at the idea of being the only one to parent their son for two weeks, the Original Poster (OP) felt conflicted about wanting to go on the trip.
She asked the sub:
“WIBTA (Would I Be the A**hole) for leaving my hubby to parent our 9-year-old son while I go overseas to visit family for 2.5 weeks?”
The OP made the tough decision to go visit her family alone.
“Thanks to circumstances including [the pandemic], I haven’t seen my parents in a number of years. They’re too old to make the long flight from Canada to me, in New Zealand.”
“Meanwhile hubby has reasons for not wanting us 3 to all go there… at least no time soon.”
“So with his very reluctant acceptance, I’ve bought a ticket to go there by myself.”
“As a sidenote, there are a couple of details I’ve had to leave out to ensure the post doesn’t get traced back to me. It would explain why my kid can’t come with me. Rest assured, it doesn’t significantly affect the situation otherwise.”
The OP’s husband was not happy about his responsibilities during the trip.
“He’s not happy, mostly because he’ll be looking after our 9-year-old boy by himself while I’m away, with very little to no help.”
“I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. What if they pass and I miss the chance to see them?”
“Hubby says he gets my reasons for doing this but is p**sed off anyway. He doesn’t think he’ll cope. If he had his way, I wouldn’t go.”
The OP felt conflicted.
“I… understand him, but at the same time, it’s not like I’ve lumped him with a massive amount of extra work. We both work, but as the mom, I get off early to do pick-up and after-school activities.”
“So aside from having to get off early from work for a few weeks, which his boss has agreed to, he’ll just be doing what I normally do.”
“At least that’s how I see it.”
“Am I being selfish?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some didn’t understand what the husband was so worried about with their son.
“What? He cannot parent his own child for 2.5 weeks?? NTA.” – thirdtryisthecharm
“A NINE-year-old! It’s not like the kid is in diapers and needs an eye on him at all times.”
“A nine-year-old can entertain themselves for hours! And probably goes to school for most of the day! They can make themselves food and snacks! And bathe themselves! And hasn’t even hit the moody teen years yet. This might be the easiest age range. Suck it up, dude.”
“My dad would have planned a bunch of fun bonding activities: mini-golf and trips to the zoo and going out on a friend’s boat.”
“And yes, mom might have come home to one additional dog, but my dad would have tried really hard to make it feel like he was glad to spend time with me, NOT like I was a giant annoying burden.” – Music_withRocks_In
“My husband loves that he can ask our 9-year-old to make him a grilled cheese, and the kid loves getting his dad’s approval, so kiddo fries it up, my husband gets a sandwich, and then he tells the kid how great the sandwich is, and then they watch some survival videos on YouTube, lol (laughing out loud).”
“9 definitely falls in the sweet spot for parenting.” – Justanothergamerwife
“NTA. ‘He doesn’t think he’ll cope’ is a very alarming statement. If he can’t cope for 2.5 weeks, what would he do if something happens to you? You seriously need to do long-term planning for your child if you haven’t done so.” – Proper_Grand9585
“NTA. His job is not to ‘babysit’, his job is to ‘parent’. That means taking care of his own children. Period.”
“If he doesn’t know how, he needs to learn. What if you were in the hospital? Would he bring your son over so you could watch him from your room?”
“Millions of men parent their kids. His turn.” – CatJudgement
Others hoped this would be eye-opening for the OP’s husband.
“NTA. Hopefully, this will make your husband appreciate all you do for your family. I understand it will be frustrating for him to be the sole parent while you are gone but it isn’t like you are going to the beach for 2 weeks.”
“You’re going to see your elderly parents. Please go! If something happened to them and you would forever regret it.”
“Is there a teenager in the neighborhood that can help out for the 2 weeks you are gone with babysitting? That might ease some of the burdens on your husband. Also, help stock the fridge and freezer with easy meals (it shouldn’t be necessary but would be a nice gesture on your part).”
“Your husband needs to look at this as a time for some quality bonding time with just him and your 9-year-old. Play it up as a dad and son time. Can he take a few days off and they have a mini trip just the two of them? Maybe catch a sporting event or whatever they are into together.” – Brain_Dead_mom
“NTA. His guilt-tripping you is appalling. He only says he’s understanding because he wants to look good, but then tells you he’s p**sed off because he wants to guilt-trip you into staying.”
“He’s an a**hole. In all probability, he’d allow himself the same amount of time off and have you look after your kid, which is your ‘responsibility as a mother’.”
“You’re married to an a**hole, OP.” – DynkoFromTheNorth
“NTA. Really bothers me that your husband is acting so put out in this situation. Also, a 9-year-old is capable of helping him with a few chores while you’re away like sweeping, watering plants, etc.”
“I have literally taken care of 3 horses, 3 cats, 2 dogs, and 3 orphan kittens (who required regular feeding and stimulation) by myself for 2 weeks while my family was on vacation. Meanwhile, I was working full time and having to bring the kittens to work with me that whole time.”
“If I can do that, he can do it too.” – musicalsus
“Sounds like he’s really relying on you a lot… It will be easier for your husband if you get him and his son something they like and they could do together, like Lego or something. And keep a stock of prepared meals if he’s not really into cooking.”
“I don’t tell you to plan everything for him, but just enough to push him on the right path.”
“You deserve to go see your parents and to escape your family home for some time. And your husband must realize you do a lot around the house.” – Professional-Yak4361
“I don’t think that’s selfish. You haven’t seen them in years. I can completely understand wanting alone time especially if they’re older. I think it’s actually a wonderful thing you’re going to visit them and I’m sure they’re so excited to see you!”
“Your husband is being selfish, in my opinion, for making you feel like him parenting solo for a couple of weeks is a burden.”
“I do hope you go and have a lovely time seeing your folks!” – sof**kingspiritual
“That’s not selfish at all. It’s just a reality of life, especially with the relationship your husband apparently has with your parents.”
“You are so not the a**hole, your husband sounds like a very selfish jerk. It’s 2.5 weeks and your parents live on the other side of the world.”
“Tell him to grow up and make the small sacrifice of being the only parent for half a month so you can see your older parents who won’t be around too much longer in the grand scheme of things.”
“Relationships are about compromise, he doesn’t want to go with you, that’s fine, but that means he’s a single dad for 2 weeks.”
“Although, why not take the kid and leave the husband? Would t your parents be excited to spend all that time with their daughter and grandkid?” – iamatwork24
After receiving feedback from the subReddit, the OP shared an update.
“Thanks all. I appreciate the reassurance that I’m not being unreasonable.”
“Okay… well, he’s just going to have to make do.”
“Hopefully, he’ll understand how much I do when all this is over.”
“Canada… here I come!!!”
It’s nice to see that the OP will be going along with her plans to see her family, even though her husband and son will not be able to attend with her.
It would also be nice on the OP’s behalf if this was an eye-opening experience for her husband, not only in what she does for their home but also in what he is capable of as a father.
The subReddit can certainly hope.