Privacy in a relationship is vital.
That’s why most people always say ‘Call before you come over.’
But in-laws seem to ignore that request.
And that can lead to some tense situations.
Case in point…
Redditor Throwwwwyr546 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for giving my M[other] I[n] L[aw] a copy of her own house key when she asked to get a copy of mine?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My hubby and I recently bought a new home together.”
“His mom started pestering us for a copy of the key in case of an emergency.”
“I told her about the rule we have and that is ‘only residents get to have a copy of the key.'”
“She kept complaining and even got the family involved.”
“Last week, she demanded a copy of the key sent to her.”
“I decided to grab the copy of the key to HER HOUSE that my husband was keeping for years and sent it to her with a note saying ‘only residents get a copy so this copy is for the home YOU reside in.'”
“She was beyond livid about it.”
“She told the family and I was called names.”
“Now hubby is complaining about how I escalated and made a mistake by upsetting her further instead of just sticking to ‘no.'”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. When I read the title I thought you were going to pretend it was the correct key, and see how long it would take for her to try it.”
“Absolutely SHE is the AH for pestering you about this when it is clearly your choice.”
“But yeah, your husband has a point about you stirring the pot.”
“To follow up…”
“I would love to know what MIL thinks could be an EMERGENCY such that her having a key would resolve that emergency.”
“It would have to be something like you left your pet inside and one of you is travelling and the other is in the hospital.”
“Or you have an alarm system to let you know about a leaking pipe but you’re stuck at work–MIL to the rescue!”
“The point is, if YOU don’t want or expect MIL to respond to these ’emergencies’ then she doesn’t need a key.”
“I think the ’emergency’ she’s thinking of, is she is in your area and she wants to use your bathroom.” ~ 1962Michael
“I’ve locked myself out before on accident.”
“But there are lots of options besides giving a relative a key.”
“I don’t have any relatives nearby, like many people.”
“I have a garage code, so I can always get in that way.”
“When we lived in a house without a garage, we had a hidden key in the backyard- so someone looking for it would have to know to go into the backyard and where to look- it was not obvious, not in a fake rock, and not under the doormat.”
“My neighbors are ‘snowbirds’ and live in a warmer climate for half the year.”
“They gave me their door code so I can go over if they need me to check on something.”
“The coded key entry can be set for single use.” ~ EconomyVoice7358
“NTA. But I think the stunt made the situation worse.”
“She seems exhausting but I’m more concerned about why your husband isn’t stepping in and telling her to stop asking.” ~ Pepper-90210
“Sure, OP escalated, but only after MIL started escalating w involving family and then demanding (as if she has any authority over two adults in their own home).”
“But if it works and MIL stops pushing for a key, then OP accomplished what her husband could/would not.” ~ BeeSwift
“NTA. No is a complete sentence.”
“She didn’t respect your answer regardless of you telling her repeatedly.”
“She is the AH.”
“And so is your husband for not standing up to his mother.” ~ ughshutit
“No no no – NTA but your hubby is for not putting his foot down and setting a boundary.”
“She will go snooping through your house, that’s why she wants it so bad.” ~ Tensionheadache11
“Right. Suddenly every trivial thing would be an ’emergency’ that she would let herself in for, and next thing you know, she’s up in arms about some personal thing she never should have known about in the first place.”
“An even more petty move?”
“Give her a decoy key, tell her it is strictly for emergencies.”
“Then when she inevitably tries it out when they aren’t home, she’ll find out it doesn’t work, rat on herself, then she’ll have to justify what ’emergency’ she fabricated as a ruse to snoop around their personal stuff.” ~ mrhammerant
“NTA. That said I wouldn’t have told her it was her key.”
“Because she was eventually going to try to get in and then blow up on you when she couldn’t, at which point you come out on top because you know she was going to just randomly show up outside of an emergency.”
“So you’d have irrefutable proof of her antics.” ~ zebra-stampede
“ESH – Did your husband actually want to give his copy of his mother’s key back?”
“She sounds pushy and possibly overbearing but you blocked your husband from potentially helping his mother.”
“I feel like it would be different if you sent her your copy of the key, but you didn’t, you sent his.”
“It’s totally fine that your MIL isn’t your spare key emergency person, but her son is obviously hers and to terminate that arrangement without his input makes you just as much of an AH as her in my eyes.” ~ -Jewelz-
“Install a lock with a keypad.”
“Then just tell her you’ve given her the code.”
“The nice part about it is that if you would ever need her to get into the house, you can program it with that code.”
“But until you do that it won’t work.”
“And she won’t know it doesn’t work unless she tries it.”
“But seriously having a lock with a keypad is great in case of an emergency or if you lose your keys.”
“I love mine. NTA.” ~ cCanIStopAdultingNow
“It never ceases to amaze me how family members will jump right into a conflict that isn’t any of their business in the first place.”
“Why would she try to get other family members involved?”
“That just shows immaturity.”
“Also, when someone won’t shut up about a particular subject, sometimes you have to escalate the situation just to get it to stop.”
“I don’t know if you did the right thing or not, but I don’t understand what your husband expected you to do.”
“He is the one that should have shut her down in the first place, and he didn’t so how can he have a problem with the way you did it? NTA.” ~ ember428
“NTA. That is the funniest response to that situation.”
“A little petty?”
“Sure, but when push comes to shove, and people don’t take no for an answer, this is what it resorts to.”
“But, your husband should be the one handling his mom?”
“Why isn’t he the one shutting her down?” ~ flawandordersvu
“NTA. Would it have been more mature to simply say ‘That’s not something we’re going to do. Why do you keep asking?’ Sure.”
“But she brought in other family members to try and push you around?”
“I don’t blame you — you were provoked.”
“Also, your husband needs to shut her down, not complain at you when her provocation results in a big reaction.” ~ that_was_way_harsh
“NTA! Did you see the post about the dude who was [having sex with] his bf in his own home on his bday when his parents and sister decided to surprise him and walked in on them with their key?”
“Dude had asked to have a day to himself for his birthday and to celebrate with them on the weekend.”
“And then family saw something they didn’t need to.”
“Again, NTA!! Brilliant move… in my opinion.” ~ mlad627
“NTA. IT’S YOUR HOUSE!!!!”
“She is crossing boundaries, and she is USED TO IT OBVIOUSLY, with how she’s getting family involved to back her up.”
“I guess they usually back her up on her twisted boundary-crossing shenanigans.” ~ eternityguaranteed
“NTA. She may be his mom, but she doesn’t get to demand absolutely anything from you.”
“It seems she wasn’t taking no for an answer, so you did what you had to do.”
“Now I would just block his entire family.”
“There’s no reason you have to deal with them.”
“If they want to give her a key to their home.”
“Then that is their problem.” ~ noonecaresat805
“NTA. F**k that, absolutely freakin’ not.”
“My husband’s mother used to have a key to our home.”
“She would absolutely barge in whenever she felt like it (which was at least once a week), and she would become LIVID if we objected.”
“She had absolutely zero issues getting up in my face and screaming at me when we objected to her barging in with every crap ‘justification’ in the book.”
“IN-LAWS ABSOLUTELY DO NOT GET A KEY TO MY HOME THAT THEY DO NOT LIVE IN.”
“FORGET THAT S**T!!” ~ hclaf
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
Your house, your rules.
Hopefully one day MIL will understand.
Happy new home blessings!