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Muslim Woman Demands Roommate Limit Boyfriend’s Visits So She Doesn’t Have To Wear Her Hijab 24/7

Photo by john crozier/Unsplash

Living with roommates is an experience like no other.

It can be great or it can be a disaster.

One thing is for certain it is rarely ever like “The Golden Girls.”

Case in point…

Redditor Unhappy-Screen9601 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for letting my boyfriend come over even though my roommate wears a hijab?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I live with 4 roommates and one of them is Muslim and wears a hijab, and that’s awesome, I wouldn’t even dream of saying it isn’t her choice.”

“She doesn’t wear it at home of course since we’re all girls and one guy, and that guy is her boyfriend and he stays with her in their room.”

“She wears it when she’s going out or when men except for her boyfriend come over.”

“Absolutely none of us have a problem with it.”

“Her boyfriend is a little messy and loud and sometimes sarcastic enough to irritate people, but it’s okay it’s nothing bad.”

“He eats our food sometimes and although it’s frustrating I’m not gonna pick a fight over it.”

“I started dating someone a month ago and he’s been coming over often. Almost everyday.”

“We usually stick to my room except for when we’re cooking or sitting in the living room.”

“My roommate is wearing a hijab at home since he’s coming over and I didn’t notice that until she and her boyfriend confronted me about it after my boyfriend left yesterday night.”

“They said it’s very frustrating for my roommate to have to wear a hijab 24×7 when my boyfriend is home and that they want me to restrict him coming over to twice a week.”

“I said that’s ridiculous because her annoying a** boyfriend is here every single day and none of us complain.”

“So why should my boyfriend not be allowed over?”

“She said I’m disrespecting her and that it’s wrong of me to expect her to wear a hijab 24×7.”

“I told her I’ll be bringing my boyfriend over whenever I want and she doesn’t have a say in it.”

“They’ve been trying to convince me that what I’m doing is horrible and rude and I don’t know what to think.”

“Am I being racist and wrong?”

“It’s not my fault she has to cover up, why should she be allowed to have her boyfriend with her but the rest of us have to suffer?”

“Plus roommate’s boyfriend is a permanent guest, he doesn’t pay rent he just stays here because otherwise he’d be homeless.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA – setting boundaries for how often guests can be over is an important part of living in a roommate situation.”

“And it’s perfectly reasonable for you to assume that since she has her boyfriend over daily, you are all welcome to have guests daily.”

“If she wants to change it, that’s a conversation to be had: but it needs to apply to everyone, including her.”

“So if guys can only come over twice a week, that applies to her partner too.”

“She cannot expect you to conform to her religious beliefs in how you conduct your social life – she’s welcome to wear her hijab or not.”

“But you are under no obligation to work around her clothing requirements.”  ~ erikarew

“I know Jews who don’t pay attention to kosher rules at all.”

“Largely because they see them as an outdated life-hack for avoiding spoiled or dangerous food, rather than an act of devotion.”

“There’s a wide range of strictness in Jewish practice, even for those who still consider themselves religious to some degree.”

“Therefore, I don’t actually find it surprising that someone might wear a hijab as an act of devotion that she wants to perform.”

“But, that she may make the choice to be less strict about the line between boyfriend/husband.”

“That she does the latter doesn’t mean the former isn’t important to her as a Muslim.”

“NTA for OP, though.”

“That’s the deal with group living.”

“Roommate cannot expect her non-Muslim roommates to conform to hijabi rules.”

“Certainly, a compromise would be reasonable (it sounds like she wants men around only a few days a week, not every day).”

“But not when she isn’t offering to abide by that compromise herself (‘her’ boyfriend gets to be live-in).”

“The fact that her boyfriend is live-in due to extenuating circumstances also doesn’t change the fact that it’s not a compromise if she isn’t giving up something herself.”  ~ eregyrn

“I get that for the roommate, it may actually have been easier to rationalize having a live-in boyfriend and not wearing her hijab with him (as a ‘husband-lite’), than it would be to not wear the hijab around a relative stranger.”

“I think that saying ‘she could just not wear it’ doesn’t take it seriously enough as an act of religious devotion that she apparently IS serious about performing.”

“Overall, though, I’m on OP’s side.”

“It’s NOT reasonable of roommate to expect her non-Muslim roommates to give up privileges that she herself enjoys (i.e. live-in boyfriend), just to help her maintain a religious practice that they are not a part of.”

“And it doesn’t sound like hijabi roommate is offering any compromise.”

“(Going by the edit that explains that it’s not possible for her boyfriend to be there less often, right now.)”. ~ eregyrn

“As a Muslim I’d like to caution against judging people’s personal journeys.”

“I wear hijab but that doesn’t mean I’m a perfect Muslim and the same extends to the roommate.”

“That’s being said, OP is NTA.”

“She can’t have a guest living with you everyday, rent-free, yet impose a different standard on you.”

“When I shared a flat with non-Muslim roommates we had an agreement that guests weren’t allowed to stay over too many times a week,”

“But, the difference was that EVERYONE abided by it.”

“As long as you’re giving her a heads up before he comes over so she can make sure she has her Hijaab on.”

“She has no right to limit your time with your boyfriend in your own home.”

“Not unless she’s willing to sign up to the same rule for her boyfriend.”  ~ Zeb687

“It’s more the fact that the roommate is putting her observance of the rules as another’s responsibility, not that she’s imperfect but that she’s obviously resentful of wearing the hijab.”

“And is using her religion as the reason for it and is blaming OP for the fact that she’s having to abide by the rules she chose for her life while ignoring the other rules of her religion so blatantly.”

“It’s the difference of, ‘damn you should have told that this dish contained pork, you know I’m Muslim’ or ‘damn, you can’t have pork chops or bacon in the apartment because even though it’s obviously against my religion and I know what it is, I might want to eat it and screw up.'”

“First one, yeah, OP bears some blame and the overreaction to what might be an honest mistake is a sign of a faulty human.”

“The second one is blaming others for a choice you made being too hard to abide by.”

“I wonder if roommate is western girl converted to Muslim because of some person in her life like current boyfriend and hasn’t actually researched any of the religious beliefs of her chosen religion or is legitimately born into a devout Muslim home.”

“It won’t make a difference, OP is still NTA and roommate is definitely the wrong one here.”

“But it could provide insight to why she’s choosing some rules and ignoring others.”

“She may legit not know the other rules.”  ~ Medical_Ad0716

“I mean pretty much no religious person follows all the rules all the time.”

“Plenty of people call themselves Catholic but still have sex before marriage and use condoms.”

“It is hypocritical but people are allowed to set whatever boundaries they want or practice their faith however they want, that’s between them and their God.”

“OP’s roommate is TA here because she’s trying to enforce this rule when her boyfriend is over all the time, but she is free to feel or not feel however she wants about this dude seeing her hair.”

“OP isn’t obliged to follow the rule, but the roommate would be an a**hole in this situation no matter why she didn’t want OP to bring her boyfriend over.”

“The fact that she’s using a religious reason that isn’t like 100% scripturally sound and she breaks other rules but not this one is kind of annoying, sure, but it doesn’t mean she’s not allowed to practice her religion however she wants.”

“By which I mean wear the hijab around all men except her boyfriend, not force all her roommates to not have people over.”

“Long story short, OP you are NTA and your roommate can deal with it, but don’t make it about her religion because she can follow or not follow whatever rules she wants.”

“This is a run of the mill fairness issue, if she gets to have her boyfriend over all the time she can’t complain about you doing the same.”

“If she wants to cover her head around all the men in the world except her family and her boyfriend, she can go ahead and do that.”

“But she can’t expect you to give up your right to do things in your own home just because it’s inconvenient for her.”  ~ DonerDonDada

“NTA. Isn’t she violating her own rules by having her boyfriend see her without the hijab, let along having him in her bedroom?”

“I’m pretty sure that most strict Muslims would have a serious problem with what she’s doing, which is having relations with a man and not being married to him.”

“In other words, she’s a hypocrite.”  ~ AMerrickanGirl

Fair is fair.

Everybody has to make compromises when cohabitating.

It sounds like Reddit has OP’s back here.

So hopefully she can call a house meeting and repair the situation.