Working from home is still work.
This thought can be a lot for some people to grasp.
Work-from-home people often voice their irritation when others don’t take their positions seriously.
Just because someone isn’t in an office or a brick-and-mortar business doesn’t mean there isn’t stress and deadlines.
Work is work, no matter the location.
Redditor Tiberius_Jim wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my wife I can’t always stop work to do things for her?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’ve worked from home since 2020, when the COVID lockdowns closed my office, and my employer subsequently realized we could easily do our jobs from home without needing an office at all.”
“It works out very well because it allows me to take my kids to school in the morning, come home and start work, and then pick them up on my lunch break.”
“My wife works at an office, but her workday starts about an hour after mine.”
“A typical day looks like this: I get up at 6:30 am and get the kids ready for school.”
“I take them to school at 7:30 am.”
“I get home around 8:00, make some coffee, and then start my work day at 8:30 am.”
“During this time, my wife is still asleep. We typically go to bed around the same time every night.”
“Most of the time, I also use that time between 8 and 8:30 to prepare lunch for my wife.”
“Sometimes either she or I has packed something the night before, but if it’s something like a sandwich, then I’ll make it fresh right before she leaves.”
“However, I can’t always do this.”
“Today, I dropped my kids off at school when one of them noticed they forgot their lunch bag.”
“We live fairly close, so I could go home, grab the lunch bag, and bring it to the school for her.”
“This, however, had me getting home at almost exactly 8:30.”
‘I had made my wife well aware that this week is going to be hectic and I will be swamped with work all week, so this shouldn’t have come as a surprise.”
“But my wife, as she typically does, didn’t get out of bed until just a few minutes before she had to leave, giving her just enough time to get dressed, do her hair, put on makeup, and head out the door.”
“She has a history of having problems with punctuality and has for as long as I’ve known her.”
“She asked me to put her lunch together because she didn’t have time, but I reminded her that I was swamped and literally couldn’t spare a minute, much less the several minutes it would take to go do that.”
“My job is very deadline-based, so there are times I need to be working on a certain task by a certain time, and it needs to be done.”
“If I don’t do my job, many other people can’t do theirs, and it would hold up our whole process.”
“I hold a senior position with 10 years at my company, so it’s unlikely I’d be fired if I missed a single deadline, but it’s not something I want to do if I can help it.”
“I can be frustrating when she acts like I can always just drop what I’m doing.”
“As she left, she said, ‘I don’t know why you care so much about this company you work for; you should care more about your family,’ and then walked out the door.”
“I feel like that’s unfair because I believe I have an excellent track record when it comes to caring about my family.”
“I’ve often thought about asking her to be the one to get up and take the kids while *I* sleep sometimes, but I never do because in the end I am glad she’s able to get extra sleep before she heads to a job where she’s on her feet all day.”
“Yet somehow she thinks IATA for making work a priority in this rare situation.”
“Is she right?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. You sound like a great partner and parent.”
“I think your wife is being unreasonable; she knows she’s being unreasonable, and is projecting that on you.”
“I think you two should have a conversation and let her know how unfair that was of her to say and how it made you feel, and things like that are not ok.” ~ your-mom04605
“NTA. She doesn’t want to blame herself for her lateness, so you’re the ready target.” ~ ScarletNotThatOne
“Uggghhh. I stay in bed and scroll on my phone.”
“100%, my problem, my f**kup when I take too long and have to rush.”
“But it’s my responsibility to manage, and I have.”
“I have 6 prepackaged lunches at work right now.’
“Canned soup, ramen, a chow mein microwave meal.”
“Not really super healthy stuff, but it’s food.”
“If I don’t make myself lunch the night before, I have an option.”
“I also work near multiple food options, though obviously I prefer not to spend needlessly.”
“NTA bro. I’m sorry she can’t take accountability for herself.” ~ Paladin_Tyrael
“Your wife sounds lazy AF.”
“She doesn’t have time blindness.”
“She just wants to scroll social media while you do actual parenting and then blame you for her laziness.”
“Sounds like an awful mom, too.”
“Your kids will always remember you and the morning routine, and they will always remember that mom was asleep or scrolling IG.”
“So sad.”
“Don’t let her blame anyone but herself.” ~ Small_Programmer3320
“I’d put making her lunch on her the night before.”
“Her comment was pretty crappy.”
“You sound pretty wonderful, but one thing doesn’t go her way, and she hits you below the belt.” NTA.” ~ mca2021
“I felt the same NTA.”
“You and your flexible job are doing A LOT of the heavy lifting here.”
“She only has to get herself ready, and you have the burden of kids and drop off?!?!”
“And she has the cheek to throw you a nasty comment after you had to do an additional lunch drop off AND you informed her?”
“Your household workload seems wildly uneven!” ~ scoops_noodle
“NTA. Your wife is out of line.”
“Lol, ‘caring about your family’ does not include indulging your wife in packing her lunch, especially since you do it for her when you can.”
“You also gave her a heads up that you can’t.”
“She is a grown woman who can wake up earlier so she can make her own food or buy lunch.”
“Per OP, his wife was awake but spent 30 minutes in bed on her cell.”
“Yeah. No, OP, you’re good.”
“She can’t even take 5 minutes out of her scrolling time to make herself lunch and has the audacity to say you don’t care.”
“She obviously doesn’t care much about it either, or she would’ve just made it herself.” ~ Theia222
“NTA. Your AM routine revolves around your family and prepping for work.”
“Moreover, you kindly provided advance notice about an especially busy day.”
“Sit down and have a rational conversation.”
“She owes you that.” ~ yogginggirl
“NTA, she needs to grow up.” ~ A**prinkler
“NTA-you don’t have to make lunch for her, it is a kindness and shouldn’t be expected.”
“She is a grown adult and capable of making her own lunch if she would just get her a** out of bed.”
“I also struggle with punctuality.’
“I would never expect my partner to miss something at work to make my lunch just because I can never seem to be on time.” ~ Impressive_Moment786
“NTA. Seems like you are doing more than your fair share of making sure things run smoothly.”
“She has it pretty easy.”
“I’ll be honest, when my husband was 100% remote and I got into a habit of asking him to do things since ‘he was home,’ but there were times when he was straight with me and said, ‘if I have time, I’ll do it.'”
“No Big Deal!”
“It eventually led to a conversation where he felt that I was relying on him too much because he was remote, and I apologized and backed off and tried to prepare and plan better for some of the things.”
“I think it’s time you have that conversation.” ~ Downtherabbithole14
“NTA. She’s gotten used to you playing multiple key roles in getting the family ready to go in the morning, and is taking your hard work for granted.”
“My wife and I (we’re both women) sometimes joke that we’d each be really great housewives, but neither of us makes housewife money.”
“Does she make househusband money?”
“Doesn’t sound like it, so she’d better appreciate what you can do and figure out how to contribute more.”
“Or you know, go out for lunch at work one time.” ~ loseit_throwit
“NTA. It sounds like you do quite a bit for your family.”
“Unless you have a habit of missing things like games or school productions, I don’t really see how she can justify saying that about you.”
“Since you say this sort of hecticness is just a once-in-a-while thing, it really isn’t too much of an ask for her to prep her own lunch, either before bed or wake up a few minutes early and do it.”
“Especially since you’re up at 6:30 getting the kids ready and getting them to school.”
“Honestly, it would probably be a nice gesture if she also got yours ready since she knows you’re so busy, but that might be asking too much.” ~ Putrid_Performer2509
“NTA. You get up every day at 6:30 and get your kids off to school.”
“If you slip up on that, there are actual real implications.”
“I think she could handle getting a sandwich ready for herself for a single day.”
“Let’s be for real.” ~ megacope
Reddit feels your frustration, OP.
You were busy.
Your wife is very capable of making her own lunch.
You gave her a heads-up that this particular week would be rough.
You do what you have to do.
Good Luck.