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Redditor Called Out For Answering Honestly When Trans Ex Asks Their Opinion On His New Name


What’s in a name?

We all have one.

Some are great, some not.

And the beauty that people never seem to realize is… names are not permanent.

You can change your name.

Now, will everyone like your choice?

Probably not.

And there in lies the rub.

Case in point…

Redditor redlady1917 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for telling my friend that I hate their new name?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Me (21) and Alex (20) have been friends since high school.”‘

“And we also were in a romantic relationship for about 2.5 years.”

“A few years ago he came out as trans and have been using an abbreviated version of his birth name since then.”

“A few days ago they asked me if I thought a new name, Charlie, suited him.”

“I told him I liked the name but it reminded me of a classmate from school who we both didn’t like so it makes me hate the name.”

“He said he’d completely forgotten about that guy and wasn’t going to decide his name based on some ‘random guy’ from high school, got angry at me, called me insensitive and a bad friend.”

“The truth is that that guy from school is a real sore spot for me.”

“He stalked me, constantly asked me out, and at one point even tried touching me inappropriately and without consent.”

“I had told Alex all of this when it happened, but they didn’t remember, which is okay.”

“I told them again after they got angry about the name thing, and they said I was making things about myself.”

“Small clarification if it matters: I never said I wouldn’t use the name if he decided to stick with it.”

“I only told them why I didn’t like it.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. They asked.” ~ Targa85

“NTA. He asked and you answered honestly.”  ~ aquay

“NTA – they literally asked you what your opinion was.”

“You’d be making it about you if you interrupted him and said it but he explicitly asked you what you thought.”

“Plus it’s not like this dude was mean to you once.”

“That’s the name of someone who stalked you and sexually harassed you.”

“Alex has every right to choose their name but personally?”

“I wouldn’t name myself after my best friend’s harasser.” ~ GeneNeat906

“NTA, they asked you your opinion but obviously didn’t really want to know.”  ~ MauiRome

“NTA. He asked your opinion and you gave it. If he didn’t want it he wouldn’t had asked.”

“It would had been one thing him saying ‘so my official name is now Charlie’ and then you were like ‘that name sucks change it.'”  ~ kbalfore

“NTA. They asked for your opinion, and that was your opinion.”

“I have no idea how others are saying you made it about yourself if Alex/Charlie was the one to ask for your opinion.” ~ herecomeskai

“Well, you answered their question but you thought about your relationship with the name, from your P[oint] O[f] V[iew] rather than thinking about your friend’s POV and their personal connection with the name.”

“I think this is most of a misunderstanding than malicious behavior. NAH.”

“My advice: please don’t waste a friendship over this, explain yourself, have a nice conversation, and support your friend in their journey.”

“Also, you will find a lot of bad Charlies and a lot of good Charlies in your life.”

“Don’t let an AH ruin a beautiful name for you or anyone else.”  ~ perfumgenius

“NTA, they asked your opinion, you gave it, you can’t help that your reasons are personal.”

“Whenever I think of hypothetical names, almost the biggest disqualifying factor is bad associations with other people with the name.”

“They can now choose the name anyway because what you think doesn’t matter to them.”

“And you would I imagine not bring this up again and be ok with that, and that’s their choice, but they shouldn’t have attacked you for answering the question.” ~ Arc_Nexus

“NTA. They asked, you said your reasoning. They got offended by it, so it’s not your fault.”

“They can still choose to pick the name knowing how you feel, and get on with their life.”

“As someone who has changed their name, nothing is set in stone until you make it official and put in on paper.”

“I tried a few names before I picked one.”  ~ Ok_Kangaroo708

“A lot of conflicting comments here but in my opinion you’re NTA.”

“They asked for your opinion on the name and you gave it.”

“If they wanted to just get praises for their name and not get any feedback on it they would have just gone ahead and changed it.”

“And instead of asking people for their opinions on it just said ‘I think I’m gonna change my name to Charlie’ so that no question of opinion was asked.”

“It’s just a statement and would most likely incur nothing but praise most of the time.”  ~ Ec1ips3games

“NTA. You were asked for your opinion, and you gave an honest answer.”

“However, it is not your call on their choice of names.”

“I understand not liking a name because of associations, but you need to get past it in order to get on in life.”  ~ sunrise_library

“NTA. Ask a question, get an answer, as they say.”

“I’m trans masc as well and if I asked a close friend what they thought of my chosen name and they said it was the name of someone who had severely traumatized them I’d swiftly can that name.”  ~ BarbicideJar

“NTA – if he asked you what you thought and you told him nicely, then there’s nothing wrong with you not liking it.”

“He can decide to keep the name and you may be irritated because it reminds you of someone you don’t like, but that’s your problem.”  ~ MGandPG

“NTA he didn’t ask you if you’d give him permission to use the name, he asked you what you thought of it.”

“If the only ethical answer to a question is a lie, then the question is unethical.”

“No one should be forced to compromise their morals and sincerity this way.”

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want honest answers to, that’s what I say!”  ~ CopsaLau

“NTA. Alex is not your friend if they don’t remember the treatment you received from Charlie.”

“I would strongly be reconsidering the balance of the friendship if they get mad at you for doubling down on choosing to retraumatize you by their choice in name.”

‘Alex will need to decide if they value your presence in their life more than the name Charlie as long term I doubt both will be able to fit in.” ~ Karfin

“NTA as someone with sexual assault trauma I would be appalled if my best friend and former ex asked if they could change their name to that guy’s name. Holy crap???? NTA.”

“Make him read these comments because dude (talking to you, man): think about the impact of hearing that constantly.”

“Similar to a deadname you wouldn’t want to constantly hear the name of your assaulter.” ~ frgreen954

“NTA, you didn’t even say that the name itself was bad, but rather that you didn’t like the person you knew with that name.”

“I get that it’s a big change but your friend should have thought about whether or not they could accept an honest answer before asking.” ~ angryage

“NTA. I’m sorry, am I missing something here?”

“He asked for your opinion, you told him you didn’t like it, and he got mad that you gave him your opinion.”

“Why is he getting upset? Did he really expect you to like the name?”

“And besides, just because he doesn’t agree with your opinion about his name doesn’t mean he has to abide with your feelings.”

“You just told him you don’t like it.”

“Well, he could still continue having the world call him Charlie if he so chose.”

“That’s the beauty of picking your name, no one else will have the final say in it.” ~ MiggyTennis

“NTA cause they asked.”

“But damn, I never know why people associate a sh*t person with their name.”

“Are you just gonna go around disliking every Charlie you meet because of that one guy?”

“That’s not cool.”

“Get over your hatred of the name and learn to just hate the person.” ~ RecommendsMalazan

Reddit is here for you OP.

A person really can’t get mad about an opinion they asked for.

Maybe try to come to peace about the name.

Others in the world have it.

But it sounds like you were just being honest.