Keeping a growing teenager properly fed can be a real challenge for any parent.
But for one parent on Reddit, the situation was on another level--their teen son eats several helpings of every meal and snack several times a day.
But when their son and family got angry when they responded by restricting their son's portions, they weren't sure they were handling things properly.
So they went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the username Main-Bat-2458 on the site, asked:
"AITA for limiting how much my son eats?"
They explained:
"Let me start off by saying this is not a weight or health issue. We have been to the doctor over it, the doctor said nothing is medically wrong."
"My son(16m[ale]) loves to eat. He is a healthy weight and an active kid, he just really likes food."
"At first it was typical 'eat you out of a house and home' teen boy eating but it started to escalate when school let out."
"He will have 3 or 4 servings every meal and is continually snacking. He will go thru a week's worth of snacks in one day."
"I guess I should explain that I cook 3 meals a day. Breakfast is usually a main, sausage or bacon, toast or biscuits, and cereal is always an option."
"Lunch is a lighter meal with a main, a veggie side or a salad, and occasionally a pasta side. Dinner is always a main, 3 sides and a dessert."
"For lunch and dinner, if anyone doesn't want what is prepared there are sandwiches, ramen, or frozen meals, whoever wants any of them just has to make them themselves."
"On to the problem. I started limiting meals and snacks."
"You can only have 2 servings of what I make and with snacks, I have all my kids fill a basket with 5 things of their choice and that's all they can have for the day."
"The rest of my kids(11, 13, 15) have no problem with this. My son on the other hand threw a fit."
"He screamed about it and when I wouldn't just let him keep eating, he took off to his grandparents house and told them I am starving him."
"He is refusing to come home until I get rid of the rules. My parents are beyond mad. They called me yelling that I'm abusing my son and I need to let him eat."
"When I explained why I put the rules in place and that my son isn't being starved, they yelled that they never did that with me or my siblings and said they wouldn't let my son come home until I got my act together."
"I'm starting to doubt myself here"
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who is in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Responses varied widely, but most were in agreement that OP was out of line in restricting their child's food.
"YTA. You say he is a healthy weight. Maybe he actually needs to eat a lot more for growth/development." --HalfBear-HalfCat
"I think this is best suited for a professional maybe a Nutritionist and it's possible his hormones are raging due to a growth spurt." --Stacity
"I second this. Also OP, you say you've discussed this with his doctor, but were any blood tests done?"
"It might be a good idea to have his TSH levels checked just so hyperthyroidism can be ruled out. Any other metabolic disorders as well." --Abitneurotic
"Could be just growing! Between age 14 and 15 I grew twelve inches in height in the span of a single calendar year. If I didn't eat for two straight hours I would get dizzy and feel sick." --Bats_n_Tats
"NTA This is really good advice but to speak specifically to OP's question I would say NTA."
"As someone who struggled his whole life with weight issues helping a kid to learn proper eating habits as early as possible is very important."
"It is one of the things I wish my parents did more for me as a kid. And not even just eating habits, just helping to reinforce good healthy habits all around is one of the most important parts of being a parent." --insanelyphat
"OP also doesn't list too many healthy snacks, or maybe food with some fibers. Something filling. They listed lots of starch or frozen food."
"Why not offering a stack of carottes or other cheap veggies? Why not switching to some sugar free cereals, with lots of oats, that are rich in fibre and protein. Why not letting a youth with a growth spurt eat yheir fill?" --yhaensch
"If someone is a healthy weight and also a literal bottomless pit- they need to see a doctor. That's not normal. Weight is not the only indicator of health."
"I've been thin and horribly unhealthy, people need to stop equating the two."
"He is a growing boy and needs food but the amount she's describing (if she's being accurate) is obscene. It's concerning."
"Edit- hey, maybe he's just an extremely hungry teen boy. But she's not the a**hole for trying to prevent a binge eating disorder."
"She would be the a**hole if she doesn't take him to a nutritionist/doctor." --Substantial_Sink5975
"YTA First of all, everyone has a different idea of what a 'main' is, so just saying you serve 'a main and sides' means nothing."
"He obviously has a high metabolism, and might have something medically going on that is making him so hungry."
"If he is eating that much and not gaining weight, it's a sign there is something happening."
"If there is something medically wrong, all you are doing is ignoring the problem and torturing your son."
"If it's just a high metabolism, you're depriving him of the nutrients and calories his body NEEDS right now, and torturing him."
"Don't expect him to stay 'a healthy weight and an active kid' when he's suddenly trying to survive off a fraction of what he normally eats." --QuackLikeMe
"Nobody needs 4-5 servings of dinner. Ever. This is coming from a glutton."
"NTA kid needs to see a nutritionist" --D1rtyL4rry
"Completely agree. YTA. If this isn't about weight, this sounds like a 16 year old boy who NEEDS food. I don't see the point in limiting his food if he's thin and healthy."
"My two teenage boys both play two sports each, and I couldn't IMAGINE limiting their food in anyway. They obviously need as much as they can eat." --ConflictOk8020
"Agreed. Also, what does this OP consider a 'serving'?? People are SO weird about food. Let the kid eat, especially if it's balanced!" --Impossible_Scratch12
"Honestly i doubt he's eating that much because he needs the food, i used to always eat a ton as a kid because i wanted to do the action of eating, not because i was hungry or lacking energy."
"I think it's more likely he has some issues to deal with that he's using food as a coping mechanism for" --Bahlok_Avaritia
"YTA. If he's a healthy weight he's probably growing and needs the extra food. He might be about to shoot right up" --No-Raspberry-9684
"Why in the world do you have limits on what the kids can eat? Teenagers eat a ton and as a mom, it would never occur to me to limit their servings as long as it's not candy, soda, or other junk." --t_dlane2018
"You know, we had to do the same thing when it comes to soft drinks for our boys…"
"they were going through an insane amount and after an extremely expensive dental visit, we had to limit the soft drinks and we incorporated more water into their daily intakes…"
"So I understand why you're doing it, but dang your food bill must be insane no lie."
"I'm probably going to be downvoted for this but I think that you're NTA"
"Edit to add: go you on the fruit and veggie option 😊" --Educational-Friend47
"the comments seem to suggest that more food is always an option, it's just other stuff like fruit, veg, sandwiches, noodles, that he has to prep himself if he wants more than is cooked for dinner or is out of snacky snacks."
"That's fine. He can eat as much as he wants, it just has to be other foods than the cooked dinner."
"NTA" --Left-Car6520
"NTA. You're not being fat phobic and you're not denying him any food. If he wanted to make himself a sandwich or a snack if he's that hungry he easily could."
"You're just limiting snack food and saying he can't have THIRDS of a meal, neither of those are unreasonable."
"And beyond that he's 16, if he was literally starving as he so claims he could make himself something to eat, but he didn't do that, he threw a temper tantrum and then ran to his grandparents house for them to feed him."
"So apparently he's starving but too lazy to make his own food"
"But I would suggest seeing some kind of nutritionist or getting a second opinion because being this hungry especially if not over weight doesn't seem normal."
"We all get days where we're snacky or hungrier than normal but rarely to this level, so maybe there's some underlying issue. How long has this been a problem?" --AlternativePea4434
Hopefully OP can learn from this.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.