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Parent Demands 19-Year-Old Daughter Start Paying Rent After She Spends $300 On Her Hair

Photo by Giorgio Trovato/Unsplash

I don’t know how parents do it.

I’m so glad to be childless.

Raising kids is quite the task.

How do you know when you’re doing it right? Or wrong?

Case in point…

Redditor haircoloraita wanted to discuss their story for some feedback. So naturally they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA For telling my 19-year old daughter that she has to pay rent?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My wife and I have three kids (19 F[emale], 15 M[ale], & 12F).”

“Our 19-year old, Kate, graduated from high school last year but is still living at home.”

“Despite getting into a few different colleges, she declined to attend as she wasn’t sure she wanted to go to college and wanted a break from school.”

“We were ok with this but gave her some rules if she wanted to live at home.”

“These were pretty basic rules.”

“She had to work at least 30-hours a week and continue to help around the house.”

“I wanted her to pay a token rent which we would put away and give back to her when she moves out.”

“But my wife disagreed as she wanted Kate to learn to save money on her own.”

“Kate has struggled with anxiety for the past few years and has been in therapy since her junior year of high school.”

“She is also on medication.”

“She also, like many 19-year olds, struggles with impulse control.”

“This usually manifests in her spending habits.”

“She will spend money as soon as she gets it.”

“And she spends it on, in my opinion, things she doesn’t always need.”

“Her room is full of clothes she will wear maybe once or twice. Jewelry, makeup, salon and spa trips, etc.”

“We’ve had many talks with her about being better at saving money.”

“But it always ends up in a fight about it being her money and she can do with it what she wants.”

“Which, I don’t necessarily disagree with, but if she’s still living at home and being fed and housed by us for free…”

“I feel like we get at least some say in how much she saves.”

“She’s saved less than a thousand dollars.”

“This past weekend Kate came home one day with bright rainbow hair.”

“My son asked her how much it cost and Kate said it was $300.”

“I asked Kate if she seriously spent $300 on her hair and she said yes.”

“I told her that was a ridiculous amount of money for something like that.”

“She said it makes her feel good and it’s important for her mental health.”

“I told her that if she can afford to spend $300 on her hair, then she can afford to pay us rent.”

“She immediately got defensive and reiterated that it is her money and she will spend it how she wants.”

‘She said I don’t understand why this is important to her and that she hates that I am so controlling over what she does.”

“I told her that as long as she’s still living with us, I have a right to be critical of the choices she makes.”

“She called me an a**hole and stormed off to her room and slammed the door.”

“My wife told me that I need to be more supportive of Kate and her choices, especially in regards to money.”

“I told her that I am not going to continue to let her live here for free if she’s going to spend money so recklessly.”

“My wife said that Kate needs to learn this on her own.”

“But I said that she’s had over a year to learn and she still spends money just as fast as she earns it.”

“I told her that we need to have a conversation about Kate continuing to live with us because we have other kids to support.”

“And Kate is an adult and should be contributing something to the house if she’s going to stay here.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. I would ask your wife how she will learn to be responsible with money if she never has to be responsible with money.”

“I have 3 children (23M, 20F, 17F) and I have always made it clear that when they graduate from high school they can stay living at home.”

“If they go to college or trade school they will live here for free but if they don’t go to school they need to get a job and pay some room and board.”

“I pay for their food and household expenses and even their gas.”

“As I explained to my daughter after she finished her associate degree and got her first full time job.”

“I wasn’t charging her because I need the money but because she needs to learn how to budget her money.”

“And be prepared when the time comes for her to move out on her own.”

“If she never has any expenses and then moves out and suddenly has to pay for everything, she will not be prepared.”

“My job as a parent is to prepare her to be a responsible, independent adult.”  ~ baneline2

“That was the rule with my parents, even in high school.”

“If we weren’t doing sports or extracurricular, we were getting a job.”

“Then after high school, as long as we were in school full time and passing we were welcome at home.”

“Then after college, as long as we were actively looking for an job or had a job we were welcome.”

“Neither my sister or I moved back in with them after college cause we were successful following college.” ~ Glitter-Dove-89

“As a daughter who made a similar deal with my parents, it has made me more resilient as a person.”

“I don’t have any debt but I do have 2 undergrad degrees in which I worked my butt off to pay for without the worry of rent or debt.”

“It teaches you to have skin in the game, meaning your degree is YOUR degree, and learn the value of money.”  ~ MasterpieceLonely755

“Wow, I see some people here don’t understand the importance of learning these things young so they don’t struggle as much in the real world.”

“A token rent is a good idea and I think you should do it.”

“It doesn’t have to be a huge amount of course. NTA here.”

“A lot of people are upset about you complaining about the hair which seems a bit odd lol.”  ~ j-j19293

“I got the impression that OP was not complaining about the hairstyle itself, just the amount that she spent on it.”

“It would be different if he were trying to control her appearance, but it doesn’t seem to be that way.”

“NTA at all.”  ~ irirriri

“Honestly the hair would drive me crazy in these circumstances and I fully get the aggravation and it’s nothing to do with the actual color.”

“It’s because it’s a huge slap-in-the-face reminder that she’s walking all over you.”

“I’m sure these parents probably couldn’t care any less about it if she was responsible and paying for rent.”

“Of course anywhere you go with her this color is going to attract attention from everyone which will also remind them that she doesn’t have to be responsible.”

“Doesn’t have to worry about food and housing, can do whatever she wants with her money except pay for basic necessities!”

“IT WOULD DRIVE ME CRAZY!”  ~ joeyc1123

“NTA. Everyone saying ‘$300 isn’t expensive for hair coloring’ you’re missing the point.”

“She doesn’t NEED to color her hair.”

“So yes $300 is a lot for something you literally don’t need– and saying ‘it helps her mental health’ is a load of crap.”

“If she is choosing to live at home then her parents absolutely are within their right to assert some control over how she lives her life.”

“Y’all are acting like her dad wants to enforce strict rules and curfew or something like that.”

“Paying a small amount of rent to put aside for her is the least controlling way to get her to work on her spending habits.”

“Anyone who doesn’t see this is an idiot.”  ~ LongjumpingTennis9

“NTA. She lives with you, is an adult, and has money.”

“She uses your electricity and water.”

“Make her pay rent.”

“Unless she physically cannot pay the rent, make her pay at least something.”

“Although, I will say, your reasoning seems flawed. You seem to be punishing her for buying something.”

“In my family, once you get a job and can afford rent, you start paying rent.”

“It’s a good learning tool in my case.”  ~ IKnowFewThings

“NTA, she’s 19 and an adult and needs to learn responsibility which she seems to be failing at.”

“Plus you plan on giving it back anyway at some point in the future.”  ~ DeepFudge9235

Well OP, Reddit is in your corner.

You’re a parent, not a bank.

Maybe you and the wife should sit down, read this thread over and discuss.

Good luck.