Traveling while ill can be the worst.
So much excitement is thwarted by an ailment while on vacation.
But when one family member isn’t feeling well, that might compromise the trip for everyone.
Especially if they aren’t very supportive.
Redditor No_Addition_2009 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for ‘ruining’ my family vacation because of my period?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (15 F[emale]) just got back from going around Europe for two weeks with my parents and two younger brothers, 11 and 13.”
“A few days before our flight home, I got my period, and it was bad.”
“Being already tired from traveling and being away from home didn’t help with my nausea, cramps, and lack of energy.”
“To make it worse, we had a full day of walking and sightseeing planned ahead of us.”
“I asked my mom if I could just stay at the hotel and rest as I was in pain and really couldn’t be asked for any of it, she told me she knew it wasn’t pleasant but to try and push through as we only go abroad once a year and she didn’t want me to ruin the vibe.”
“It was awful, we spent the morning climbing up this hill to see a view of a city from a church, and my brothers, the whole way through, kept complaining about me needing to take breaks frequently to sit down, while my parents just basically let them and didn’t tell them to shut up.”
“What really pissed me off was them loudly embarrassing me in public at a restaurant about how many bathroom breaks I needed, and they kept telling me I was killing the mood.”
“(Off topic but those free street bathrooms in paris are nasty 🤢!)”
“When we got back to the hotel, I got into a massive argument with my mother and said a few things I admit were out of line, and I regret that.”
“She told me to remember how much money it had cost for all of us to take this trip and told me to be grateful.”
“The final day of our trip came, and she finally just let me stay at the hotel and rest.”
“I know my parents work really hard for us to go on vacation, and I was a bit rude to her, but I was in pain, and I feel like everyone could have at least tried to pretend to give a s**t about me.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, tell an ob[stetrician]-gyn[ecologist] that your periods are this bad, though.” ~ Repulsive-Society-27
“My mom took me to see a gyno when I was 13 (I started mine at 10) because they were so bad I was missing school, Dr said nothing was wrong.”
“I wound up going to the hospital when I was 19 because I’d bled through 4 tampons in as many hours, and the front of my work pants were still soaked with blood.”
“I was sick and lightheaded.”
“ER couldn’t do anything besides tell me to see a gyno, but it was Friday night.”
“The doctor I saw there didn’t like that they were releasing me without knowing what was wrong, and essentially forcing me to wait a full weekend just to make an appointment with no guarantee of being seen anytime soon.”
“I assume he was a newer doctor because he was young and no one listened to him.”
“He happened to have a connection, somehow knew a gyno and called him while I was in the ER, and convinced him to see me the next day, Saturday, when they weren’t even open.”
“I assume they went to school together because the gyno was also a young dude.”
“He took his time going over everything, did an internal ultrasound, then diagnosed me with P[oly]C[ystic] O[vary] S[yndrome]and endometrios.”
“I got extremely lucky that two newer doctors who weren’t beaten down by the healthcare system saw me; otherwise, I don’t know if I’d ever have been diagnosed.”
“Women have s**t healthcare, our pain isn’t taken seriously, and a lot of the time, the mentality is just deal with it.”
“OP SHOULD see a Dr, but she’ll need someone advocating for her, and I don’t know if her mother will be the one to do that given her response to OP being in pain on vacation and being told to essentially deal with it.” ~ _Not_an_Economist_
“NTA. They should let you stay in the room.”
“As it is, their experience was ‘ruined’ (I doubt it somehow) and you’re left with unpleasant memories.”
“Travelling and sightseeing should be a pleasure, not a chore!”
“One should go on vacations to relax, not to complete some friggin’ to-do list.”
“You didn’t choose to be on your period.”
“They choose to be d**ks about it.” ~ Enuya95
“OP had a perfectly viable compromise.”
“If they didn’t feel safe leaving their daughter alone in a hotel room, that’s a different story, and not the one they chose to go for.”
“Everyone but OP here is out of order.”
“OP is NTA.”
“Though probably should start the fight at the DRs to get help with such a bad period.” ~ DLP1194
“NTA, that sounds like you get a bad menstrual cycle if it’s painful enough to keep you from sightseeing.”
“Have you ever been taken to a doctor about it?”
“There are medical conditions like endometriosis that make periods extremely debilitating, and they shouldn’t be.” ~ Particular-Bird652
“NTA, for the people saying ‘learn to manage your period better,’ you know pain management doesn’t work for some people.”
“Now we don’t know what was said to the mom, so I don’t have a judgment for that.” ~ RealAmyRachelle18
“NTA. Your mother should be ashamed of herself.”
“If she tries to get sympathy from you when she’s going through perimenopause symptoms, feel free to remind her of this.” ~ NeeliSilverleaf
“NTA. You said you needed to stay at the hotel, and if she had just respected that in the first place, there wouldn’t have been a problem.” ~ ScarletNotThatOne
“NTA- You clearly communicated to your family you needed to rest, and they insisted you ‘push through’ all the while knowing you were feeling unwell, then gave you a hard time about being unwell.”
“It is not your fault for not performing to their ideal.”
“Especially with painful period- sometimes we just can’t mask.”
“Your family sucks for their lack of empathy.”
“Side note- make sure your doctor knows how painful and debilitating your periods are!”
“Debilitating periods are actually not normal.” ~ West-Fig-8227
“NTA – your mother -another woman- telling you essentially to be quiet and be grateful is just so out of line that I can almost guarantee that whatever you said was not nasty enough for what she deserved to be told.”
“She didn’t care about her own daughter’s pain, and does not parent your brothers either, no wonder that you need kind of clarification that you being in pain, nausea, etc was not ‘ruining the vacation.'”
“Your family not caring was ruining it.”
“They could have easily helped you, but they chose not to.”
“That’s just so low.”
“Having your period during a holiday already sucks enough; you don’t need family members making it worse by complaining, embarrassing you, and refusing to help.” ~ Joubachi
“NTA, you clearly stated that you were in pain and that it would be better for you to stay at the hotel.”
“Your parents decided not to listen to you, and that is 100% on them.”
“They don’t get to complain to you about a decision that THEY made, hello????” ~ Quick_Spot8448
“NTA. Listen-when I was 13, I got my first period when we were at a cousin’s wedding.”
“I fainted twice, and I know my family was inconvenienced, but I don’t remember anyone blaming me.”
“My periods were insanely painful during my teenage years.”
“I passed out at school multiple times.”
“I hope people in this day and age realize that very painful periods are not normal.”
“Hope you can get some help managing them.” ~ mekanical_hound
“Oh, you are NTA.”
“At that age, mine were often debilitating.”
“On the worst days, I would throw up and stay in the fetal position all day with terrible cramps that pain relievers wouldn’t touch.”
“Everyone’s experience is different, but in my case, things sorted themselves out as I got older.”
“If this is a persistent problem, see a doctor to make sure nothing else is in play.”
“It’s not that you didn’t want to do the things – you were miserable.”
“Also, at that age, your brothers should know what a period is and why their older sister feels terrible.” ~ thechaoticstorm
“NTA. I remember how awful my period was in the first few years, and I even ruined a family vacation of my own.”
“I see where your mom is coming from.”
“It sucks to not be able to fully enjoy a vacation, but at the end of the day, you know your body best and you were aware of how you were feeling and tried to remove yourself from the situation.” ~ Alive_Revenue_4212
“NTA, vacation tiredness is real, down days are necessary.”
“Things are a thousand times worse when you get your period.”
“Your parents should have helped you better, and not complained.”
“You did t decide this vacation, you didn’t plan, they did.” ~ Maximum_Law801
“NTA, but your parents are the a**holes for making you go sightseeing when you requested a rest day.”
“However, you should apologize to your mom for your hurtful comments, and your parents owe you an apology for not taking your health/comfort into consideration.” ~ Anonyellow8484
Reddit feels for you, OP.
It sounds like your parents and family let you down.
Sorry to hear that.
Maybe now that you’re all home, you can have a calm conversation about the disregard for your feelings.
Good Luck.