Traveling with friends adds spontaneity, laughter, and comfort to the time spent in a place you're not used to exploring.
But for all those benefits, getting all the logistics together can feel like herding cats.
A recent post on the "Am I the A**hole (AITA)" subReddit painted a clear picture of what those difficulties can look like.
The Original Poster (OP), known as K-Quay on the site, outlined the key moving parts in the post's title.
"AITA for telling my best friend if she chooses to have a baby she can't come on a vacation I paid for with me?"
OP began with a quick caveat.
"Okay I know the title sounds harsh but everyone I have spoke to about this doesn't think I'm in the wrong but she is mad at me and barely speaking to me anymore."
Then she got right into the pertinent details.
"So I [21-year-old female] bought me and my best friend [20-year-old female] tickets to go to Vegas for a few days as this year we are turning 21 (she will be 21 before we go and I had my b-day a month ago)."
"She recently found out she was pregnant and was going back and forth between getting an abortion or keeping the baby and I told her I will support her with any decision she decides."
Then OP did some quick math.
"She has gotten comfortable with the idea that she is having the baby and has even told some people around her."
"She found out she was about a month and a half along and if she decides to have the baby she will be around four months when we go."
This all led OP to some new considerations.
"This morning I had a conversation with a few coworkers and I told them the situation and how if we go I don't wanna be held back by her and I especially don't want to drink alone and all my coworkers agreed with me."
"I voiced these thoughts to her later in the day and she asked me to just cancel the trip and we can do it another time which it's too late to get my money back..."
"...but she insisted that would be better then me going alone and I told her I didn't want to lose that much money and I can take another friend, my cousin, or my boyfriend."
OP tried to cushion the blow.
"I also told her after she has the kid and can go on vacation we can always book another trip and celebrate 21 as if we just turned 21."
"She has kept me on read all day after I said this and won't answer my calls."
For OP, that was tough to stomach.
"I love my best friend and I will love and spoil her child I just don't want our vacation to be ruined by me drinking on my own and her complaining about whatever pregnant people complain about."
OP ended the post with a rather ambiguous update.
"Update: She texted me today but hasn't brought up anything. I decided it was best not to bring it up either and just let her think about things."
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Redditors' responses to the post were all over the place.
Most, however, said OP was not the a**hole.
"NTA- if you didn't go it would be a waste of money and she has to understand that her not drinking and being pregnant means the holiday will be less fun" -- HotAge5962
"NTA - She can't expect you to just flush all that money down the drain... take someone else, since she doesn't want to go. You can party with her somewhere else later." -- EvocativeEnigma
"NTA. The money's already spent and she won't be able to enjoy the trip to it's fullest because of her pregnancy. It's not fair for her to expect you to not go because of her situation." -- dominqlane
One supporter spoke from experience.
"NTA I actually took a trip with a pregnant friend many (twenty-nine) years ago. I had bought the tickets and invited her along with me."
"It sucked."
"Her husband had a huge list of rules that he wanted followed to protect the baby. They were reasonable (things like 'no Bungie jumping' or 'moshing'), but having a list of forbidden activities was a downer."
"I'm not a big drinker, but I felt bad having any liquor around her. Sometimes it's nice to have a stupid, umbrella decorated, disgustingly sweet, alcoholic beverage poolside: without feeling guilty about it."
"Invite someone else on the trip. Her circumstances have changed, and you can always plan another trip at a later date." -- DreadGrrl
But a fair amount of people were careful to say that OP's friend also was not being an a**hole either.
"NAH. Stop calling her, and let her be for a couple of days. She's disappointed, and having some FOMO right now. She's still adjusting to the idea of her whole life changing, and not being able to do some of the things she thought she would."
"After a couple of days, reach out again and tell her you're really looking forward to being an auntie and you will have fun trips together in the future, just not right now." -- karskipellis
"Oof. I wanna say NAH. You want to spend the time you planned for, but it seems like she still needs some time to adjust to the new situation."
"Maybe do something small and sweet for her - a baby basket, maybe? This decision seems to have been hard for her and she might not be fully ready to accept the consequences and changes yet, which is okay."
"Having a child after just barely turning 21 isn't exactly the norm anymore and her life is about to change, in a huge way. Be there for her, maybe don't take this situation right now to personal. I think there is a lot going on on an emotional level for her right now." -- Novel_Ad_7318
"NAH You aren't wrong for wanting to have your Vegas fun on a trip you paid for."
"She isn't out any money so you aren't screwing her over She's understandably upset, but I hope she comes around."
"Good luck and I hope you have fun on your trip" -- IBeatHimAtChess
And a few even called her out.
"YTA. You value getting drunk more than hanging out and having a great vacation with you friend." -- Isabeledai
"Ehhhh. I don't understand why you can't invite a third party? It's pretty shi**y of you to dismiss her just cause she is pregnant. Pregnant people are still people and still like to vacation."
"She'll sure as sh** be reliable getting your drunk ass home." -- Ok_Magician_9415
OP responded to such criticisms with an update.
"I appreciate everyone who commented because it really did give me prospective on how she may be feeling and I have to admit I'm not the best at communicating so to her I probably did sound a little harsh."
"There was also a lot of people calling me entitled for my decision even tho I am literally paying for her whole vacation and offered to rebook which I was going to pay for as well. I don't think that's entitled behavior at all but who knows I can be wrong lol."
Looks like OP plans to head to Vegas--and bring a new traveling companion a long.
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her
In the search for comprehensive medical care, people may have tough conversations about their lifestyle, work, relationships, and other potential stressors.
But a doctor can only make so many decisions on behalf of their patient, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor _lucky96 was seeing the same doctor as her husband, so their doctor was aware of both of their medical histories and needs, including her having cerebral palsy.
But when the doctor brought up her condition during her husband's latest appointment and questioned their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and wanted to find a new medical care provider.
She asked the sub:
The OP had cerebral palsy and a full life.
"I have cerebral palsy. It mainly affects my walking, but I can walk independently and live a pretty normal life."
"My husband and I have been together for three years and have a blended family with five kids altogether. Three of my kids aren’t biologically his."
The OP and her husband just started seeing a new doctor.
"We’ve both recently started seeing the same general practitioner (GP)." I’ve seen him about three times now and generally thought he was helpful."
"I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough."
In the OP's eyes, the doctor crossed a line.
"Today, my husband had an appointment with the same doctor for stomach issues."
"During the appointment, mental health apparently came up as part of the discussion, but the appointment itself wasn’t for mental health."
"I wasn’t in the room because I was outside with our daughter. According to my husband, the doctor asked him, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, 'With her disability and five kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realise when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages.'"
"My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems."
"I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband 'took on' or as a future burden he’ll have to manage."
"The doctor also said, 'Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'"
The OP was upset about the conversation her husband shared.
"What bothers me most is that the conversation wasn’t even about me, and I wasn’t there to respond or provide any context."
"I feel like the comments reduced me to my disability rather than seeing me as a wife, parent, and person."
"Am I wrong for being upset by this and considering raising it with the clinic, or does this sound inappropriate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that the doctor's comments were highly inappropriate.
"That’s highly inappropriate. You are NOR." - Direction_Physical
"NOR. You are not overreacting at all. That was completely inappropriate and dehumanizing."
"You’re his patient’s wife, not his patient, while your husband is in that room. Bringing up your disability and five kids during your husband’s stomach appointment had nothing to do with his care."
"Saying you’re 'a lot to take on' and 'not many men would do what you do' frames your marriage like a charity case, and you like a burden instead of a partner."
"That’s ableist, unprofessional, and a violation of basic boundaries."
"It makes sense that you feel reduced to just your disability after hearing that."
"Raising it with the clinic is absolutely reasonable. You deserve a doctor who treats you as a whole person, not a problem for your husband to manage." - DaringDuvet
"This makes me so stabby. I’m non-verbal and have right-sided weakness."
"We were married 29 years before it happened, and the number of people who think my husband needs a medal and a parade for sticking around..."
"Don’t get me wrong. My husband is one of life’s truly good dudes. But seriously?" - sorenelf
"This is infuriating. He's a good man because he didn't ditch?"
"When my mum was diagnosed with cancer that wasn’t going to do the polite thing and get fixed, the amount of applause for my dad not leaving her was astounding."
"He was horrified at first, but that wore off pretty quickly, and he just started calling it out. That made quite a few people squirm in their own discomfort."
"It says a lot about someone who thinks a natural choice is to bail." - BasicLingonberry9914
"NOR in the slightest."
"Even if we assume good intent and the doctor wanted to make sure there are safety nets and supports in place for both of you, that has NOTHING to do with the question of why your husband married you."
"I would absolutely file a complaint, and if you both can, find another general practitioner." - ooooohcakepudding
"NOR. I have severe Aphakia, and if my specialist looked at my husband to remind him he's going to be growing old with someone who is likely going to go blind, I think I would die."
"My husband had been through h**l and back with me and my eyes long before we got married, so he knows what he signed up for. And it isn't the doc's place to sort out. Super duper unprofessional." - Global-Nature2420
"So at first, I thought you were overreacting. I am a mental health provider, and a doctor discussing stressors and very real-life situations happens all the time."
"The minute you added the part that 'not many men,' things changed. He took what could have been a normal conversation and changed it to his personal feelings, which is absolutely disgusting."
"NOR at all. I would file a complaint." - Trash_Human92
Others pointed out that it was an important conversation to have, though the doctor could have been more delicate.
"While tough, this isn't an inappropriate conversation to have if the stress is causing his health to deteriorate."
"The truth is not inappropriate. I think the way he worded it was a bit much, but not what he said."
"It appears to me the OP is not dealing with how her disability is not just about her, but everyone, etc. For example, my cancer was also stressing my loved ones out." - Total-Ad886f
"I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night due to my husband's health and lack of care. So when he finally started seeing someone in my same doctor's office (but not the same doctor), it was SO much better."
"My doc and the nurse have been really, really concerned about my mental health, so they were happy to hear that he's taking his health seriously and improving, because that means that I am sleeping more and my mental health is better, and that means my ability to manage my own chronic pain and health issues has been better."
"I was not coping at all and barely able to function." - popchex
"The doctor may have mentioned OP in the conversation with her husband if he was trying to ascertain if he had stressors that may contribute to his stomach issues. Sure, your spouse, children, work, and parents can be considered stressors at times in anyone’s life."
"For me, where he crossed the line was when he decided just how OP’s condition will impact the future."
"Firstly, OP is obviously capable of caring for everyone, including herself and children, with minimal, if any, assistance. As OP ages, more assistance may be required, but this may also be the case for her husband, too, as he ages. The responsibility of the children will not be a factor, as they are adults."
"So the doctor’s predictions are presumptive and unnecessary. Health is not guaranteed for anyone. We all will face various challenges to our physical abilities as we age."
"What I would take up with the clinic is why he felt it necessary to ask the husband why he married OP. To additionally state because of that, ‘He was a good man’ is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional."
"There is potential for an ongoing issue to arise if OP were to continue seeing this doctor. His bias toward her husband may very well influence any care she may need in the future. NOR." - Cool-Blackberry-785
"It doesn’t make sense because if your husband was talking about how stressed he was, why would the doctor bring up more reasons he should be stressed? Or if he didn’t seem stressed enough, is the doctor then going to be like, 'Consider how stressed you’ll be in X amount of years'?"
"It sort of sounds like he’s saying something like, 'Why would a man do that?'"
"The only exception I’d give is if your husband had some sort of health thing he’s completely ignoring, and the doctor was trying to give him a wake-up moment. Because then, they sort of have to be blunt to make you realize you need to prioritize your health. But simply being stressed isn’t enough to start saying, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"Whenever it’s women in your husband’s position, they just get told they’re an awesome rockstar. No one questions WHY they do it."
"NOR. You should find a doctor who makes you feel supported, and you feel is better overall."
"I wouldn’t make your husband change yet. It is hard to find doctors you like. Maybe when you establish with a better doctor, he’ll switch, too." - imwearingredsocks
Since the OP's husband went to the doctor to discuss stomach issues and likely how to remedy them, it's reasonable that the subject of possible stressors would come up, so the husband could avoid those stressors and improve his symptoms.
However, some Redditors felt that also including details about his marriage and fatherhood in the conversation was crossing a line, and while being a care provider to a spouse could be stressful, many felt it was being addressed from an ableist perspective instead.