Having a child is one of those events that can totally change the way your life works.
Up is down, left is right, and it can seem like nothing at all makes sense anymore.
The stresses involved can be physical, psychological, emotional – and even logistical.
So what happens when this bundle of good news means that you have to give someone else pretty terrible news?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Sharp_Candy_513 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for asking Stepdaughter to move out.”
OP got right to the situation at hand.
“This is an ongoing issue going on in my home.”
“I 33F[female] am currently pregnant with my first child. I live in a two-bedroom home with my husband and stepdaughter (23F).”
“Step-daughter and I get along fine no big issues but we also are not super close.”
She explained her logic.
“Now that the baby is coming, we need more space. unfortunately, we can’t afford a new home.”
“I brought up to my husband asking stepdaughter to move out.”
“My reasoning is that we really need her room for the new baby and she is an adult with a full-time job, so it is time for her to be on her own anyway.”
“My husband agreed, and we brought it up to her at dinner one night.”
“We told her we would help with her first 2 months’ rent.”
“I told her it would be fun her, and I could go shopping and I will help her decorate her new apartment. We tried to be as gentle as we could, but she was very quiet.”
“Privately she told my husband that even though she as a full-time job she cannot afford to live on her own.”
“My husband told her she did not need to move out, so now we are scrambling trying to find space for new baby.”
“The other day, I was home alone with Stepdaughter and tried to talk to her about it again.”
“I offered to help her find a roommate, and she snapped on me and told me to just leave her alone and locked herself in her room.”
“When my husband got home from work, he was mad at me and told me to leave her alone and not bring it up anymore. “
“Things have been awkward and uncomfortable since making my pregnancy very stressful.”
OP was left wondering,
“She is 23 old enough to be on her own she has a job, and we are willing to help her. We need space for our baby. I do not see how I am in the wrong here.”Â
“AITA?”
Having explained the issue, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
United, we stand.
“I don’t see many top comments mentioning this. Sounds like the husband went and destroyed several relationship aspects in one fell swoop.”
“Now there’s going to be trust issues between the two of them and a bitter/tense relationship between OP and the step-daughter.”
“This isn’t going to be a great period of time for anyone in that home, despite whatever the true reasonings of OP are.”
“This should serve as a reminder for folks to stay united in relationship agreements/situations such as this.”
“The husband could have handled this situation much better instead of alienating both of them.” ~ TheReasonsWhy
“So, the hubby originally agreed and told the daughter it was time to move…then separately he told the daughter she didn’t have to.”
“It sounds like the hubby created a problem that made the stepmom look like the bad guy.”
“He needs to step up and help fix this.” ~ Strange-Resort-1584
Some pointed out how difficult the times are.
“My 26 yo daughter is living with me despite having a college degree and good full-time job with benefits:”
“that pays exactly $4.00 more per hour than I was earning at my first full-time job–in 1983.”
“There is no way she could afford her own place.”
“Luckily, we get along fine, and she has determined she’d rather share with me than with several random roommates.”
“Offering to help with 2 months’ rent is nothing. Your husband had no issue with her living at home.”
“YTA.” ~ Prudent_Plan_6451
“I live in the Bay Area and have a pretty decent job and still can’t afford to move out until my GF decides to make a move. $2700 for a one-bedroom is just flat-out stupid” ~ edbi408
“Idk what it’s like where OP lives, but I know where I am in Australia it’s also about FINDING somewhere to live.”
“We’re in a housing crisis which is seeing people with high salaries that are able to afford the rent, still sleeping in their cars.” ~ merouch
Many shared personal stories to illustrate how bad it really is.
“My husband and I both work ‘professional’ jobs and can’t afford to upgrade from our (small, less than 950 square foot, 2 bedroom) house, either.”
“We were extremely lucky to buy our house when we did, and even then, we only got a deal because it was a hoarder house, and we negotiated the price down by assuming the cleaning responsibility.”
“He works from home, and the 2nd bedroom (which could fit like, a bed and that’s it) is his office. We want a kid, but don’t have any room for one.” ~ onmywheels
“I’m in a poly relationship with three working adults, and even then, not all months are easy financially” ~ Pizzacanzone
“So much this.”
“My husband and I struggled when we first moved in together.”
“2 full-time working adults with above minimum wage jobs. We just about managed, but it was very tight. This was 10 years ago, and costs of living have only gone up since then!”
“We are alright now (we were able to get a mortgage for our first place, so our living costs have gone down since as we’ve been paying it), but when we first bought, we were paying about the same for mortgage as rent would have been.”
“It was bloody difficult to make ends meet at the time, and I don’t think we would have been able to at current living costs. I feel so sorry for young adults now. I just don’t see how they are meant to do it.” ~ Melodic_Arm_387
Some responses were much more direct.
“‘Oi, time for you to f*ck off, off you pop, your replacement will be here soon, and despite the fact that for the first 6 months, they don’t need an entire room, you need to go now, even though there’s a cost of living crisis etc. Don’t care, and I’ll keep raising it with you.'”
“You know that she’s not super close with you for a reason, don’t you, and that you’re also replacing her – even if you’re not, it does look that way, even to an adult?”
“You made a decision to have a child despite not being in the financial situation to house that child without turfing someone else out to make room.”
“She’s going to absolutely loathe you if you push this, you understand?”
“And she’ll likely be fine with her father … until he potentially also realizes it was a sh*tty move and based on you bringing a life into the world you couldn’t fully fund or house?”
“She told her dad privately because she doesn’t like you or trust you, and you only further cemented that by bringing it up.”
“The smarmy ‘But we’ll help you decorate and help with some rent!’ doesn’t really help when, after two months, her wages don’t enable her to keep the place.”
“But by that point, you won’t give a sh*t, right? Because new baby and you got your way?”
“YTA.”
“You can either accept that and push and push and alienate her, deprive the baby of an older sister and ultiamtely alienate the father, or, just an idea, find a bigger place where she can continue to live with you WHILST paying rent, so it’s affordable.”
“Or maybe plan your family better next time before getting pregnant and THEN thinking, ‘Oh sh*t, where’s it going to stay, whoops, looks like your kids are on the bounce!”‘
“The average age to leave home isn’t 18 now or even 25.”
“Most young people cannot afford to leave home and don’t particularly want to live with strangers weirdly.”
“And no, I’m older than you, but apparently not quite so callous.”
“Then again, I’ve only got my own child to think about; I don’t have to try and justify being sh*tty to someone else and feigning compassion and caring.” ~ Sacred_Apollyon
Having a baby is a difficult, expensive, and time-consuming process.
A joyful process for many, but certainly not an easy one.
While the arrival of a new bundle of joy does change the world for the parents, everyone else trudges on in the same world they were in previously.
That means that even though your new situation demands some different tactics, the effects of your new situation aren’t always welcome with others.