When a baby is coming into this world, it’s ALL hands on deck.
That means the village everyone goes on about needs to be ready with a smile.
This village should be led by a father, if they’re in the picture.
Case in point…
Redditor Similar-Put1285 to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for telling my boyfriend’s mom that my maternity leave is not supposed to be a vacation?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m 37 weeks pregnant now and my boyfriend took 3 weeks off work to stay with me so that we can adjust to being parents to a newborn.”
“This is my first and I’m very nervous and really need the support right now.”
“My boyfriend’s mother took it upon herself to schedule a ‘paternity vacation’ for my boyfriend for the last two weeks of his leave.”
“She came over for dinner and surprised him with it.”
“It’s an all expense paid vacation to Italy for my boyfriend as his paternity present.”
“She gave me a jade stoned bracelet and a matching newborn one for the baby as it’s part of their culture to give the family stone to the mother and child once they enter the family.”
“That was very kind of her.”
“However I told her that his leave was for helping with the baby.”
“She was taken aback and said that he would be with me for a week and that was long enough.”
“Her husband never even stayed at the hospital with her when her son was born.”
“I told her and my boyfriend that I didn’t want him to go and that she should have asked first before buying such an extraordinary gift.”
“She left in tears because I was ‘ungrateful’ and ruining her son’s experience.”
“My boyfriend pretty much agrees that he should go for at least a week because she paid for it.”
“But I really wanted him to stay with me and bond with our daughter.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
NTA at all, what am asinine idea!
A vacation AWAY from his one week old baby?
What in the literal f**k was his mother thinking?” ~ jimrow83
“I hope your boyfriend figures out — and fast!”
“That his primary role should be to educate his mother, not placate her.”
“Even my own 95 year old mother doesn’t have views like that.” ~ cpagali
“This. If they guy is somehow okay leaving his first kid after a week to have two weeks of ‘me-time’ in Italy.”
“I shudder to think what kind of father he’d make.”
“If he’s okay with leaving still very much healing you alone to handle the once every three hour feedings with no help, what kind of partner is he?” ~ Forsaken_Ebb_1884
“Hey, guys. we’re being so unreasonable.”
“I’m sure his girlfriend carrying a baby for 9 months in her body that is made to only carry her own body, and then pushing a very large mound out of her small hole.”
“And now having to be around while she (I assume) uses her body to nourish that baby and gives nearly every waking moment of her life to keeping it alive, is EXHAUSTING for him.”
“He absolutely deserves a vacation. a permanent one. from OP.” ~ Original-Stretch-464
“When my grandma gave birth to my mum my grandpa was in the room with her (which wasn’t the done thing at the time) and watched what she went through.”
“When he went to tell his parents the news his brother made a joke about my gran being lazy because the labour was so long.”
“My gentle, introverted grandpa punched his brother right in the face.”
“I will accept nothing less than this level of devotion and understanding from any partner I ever have.” ~ punkpoppenguin
“I’m saying… if boyfriend goes on a nice lil vacation to Italy leaving his girlfriend home alone (or worse with Monster-in-Law) to get no sleep with a new baby.”
“While she’s got ice pack between her legs and raw nipples because he’s not man enough to see her like that.”
“Then I guess he’ll just have to be momma’s baby boy and move on back home with mommy.” ~ CaRiSsA504
“I hope he figures out that his umbilical cord was supposed to be cut at birth.”
“OP it’s incredibly concerning that he thinks he should be placating his mother and not standing up for you, 1000% during this time. Yikes.” ~ kuh-tea-uh
OP gave some more info…
“She didn’t think he should be in the room when I delivered either.”
“She said it will make him see me in a different way and he needs to remember the way I was before.”
“She thinks it’s gross for other people other than medical personnel to witness a birth.”
“This seems less like smothering and more like she has major internalised misogyny issues.”
“She wants OP to be left alone like she was, so she doesn’t have to acknowledge that it was wrong for her husband to do that to her.” ~ Cat_world_domination
“I relate to this comment so much.”
“My significant other’s mother did 100% of the childcare and housework for 4 kids.”
“While also helping her husband with the fieldwork (they were farmers), and she didn’t have disposable diapers, daycare or a washing machine at the time.”
“So when my significant other helps out a bit around the house, she keeps convincing him that makes me a spoiled princess.”
“I also work full time and do 70% of the housework at least, not that that seems to matter, after all I don’t have to do the washing by hand.”
“While I acknowledge that my M[other] I[n] L[aw] had a hard life.”
“I struggle with not being credited, ever, for how hard I also work, with no more than 5-6 hours of sleep a night for over a year.”
“I’m sure a lot of it is rooted in jealousy, but it still takes a toll.”
“From personal experience OP, you would do well to suss out exactly how much your boyfriend’s mother’s mentality has influenced his own when it comes to these things.”
“And plan personal boundaries accordingly.” ~ Due-Entertainer2639
“I think you’ve nailed it on the head. Her husband didn’t do those thing so why should her son?”
“Also who TF gives a new father a 2 week trip to Italy right after the baby is born?!”
“Did mommy take into account there might be complications?”
“What if OP has to have a c-section?”
“She won’t be able to do ANYTHING for at least a couple of weeks and will need hubby.”
“What if mommy is trying to get daddy out of the way so when OP does need help, mommy can swoop in and save the day.” ~ ABeggyChooser
“And what if the baby isn’t born ‘on schedule?'”
“Unless she’s having a scheduled induction or c-section this is probably all planned around the due date.”
“And it’s entirely possible the baby won’t be born yet or that she’ll still be in the hospital when he leaves for this stupid trip.”
“I just had a baby recently and if my husband left for a fun vacation while I stayed home alone with our fresh newborn he wouldn’t be my husband anymore.”
“I’m angry on OP’s behalf just thinking about it.” ~ RoseFeather
“You mentioned that the matching bracelets was a cultural gift.”
“So I’m assuming that there is some kind of culture difference/disconnect here for this woman to write off the father’s involvement?”
“Your boyfriend’s father wasn’t present for his own birth and his mom doesn’t think he should be there for your and his child’s birth.”
“Plus the fact that she doesn’t believe he will need more than a week to bond… it sounds like you need to put your foot down with both of them.”
“Discuss your expectations for him as a father.”
“And how you will absolutely NEED help because you will be RECOVERING from having HIS child.”
“His mother probably won’t understand or acknowledge it.”
“As she she’s easily upset and because she did it all by herself so clearly in her eyes everyone else should be able to do it too.” ~ Dispirited_Ghost
“But you need to put some boundaries to your M[other] I[n] L[aw] and talk with your boyfriend about you two being a family, and making decisions by yourselves.”
“I’m pregnant with my first baby and I’m not married or engaged with my boyfriend.”
“And he’s close to his mom but I told him that this (him, the baby and I) is our family now and we have to make our own decisions.”
“And even if he wants to make plans with his mom he has to talk to me to see if it’s viable.”
“You should talk to him about that.”
“Show him the episode of Orange is the new black when the guy went to a self discovery trip after his wife gave birth lol.” ~ belenconene
OP… how to even begin.
Reddit made it very clear, YOU are not the NTA to them.
This may not be the happily ever after you were hoping for.
You might need to make some plans for down the road.