College Student Called 'Ungrateful' For Asking Visiting Dad To Leave Dorm Room During Therapy Session

Parents of young to adolescent children have a right to know as much about their lives as possible.

Purely for the safety and well-being of their children.

As their children enter adulthood, though, they begin to earn a right to more privacy than they once had.

Something some parents have trouble accepting.

The parents of Redditor SwingIll7872 recently paid a visit to them at college, staying with the original poster (OP) in their dormitory.

During this visit, the OP requested having their room to themself for an allotted amount of time.

A request that resulted in the OP's father declaring them to be "ungrateful".

Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for asking my dad to leave my apartment during my therapy session?"

The OP explained why their father accused them of being "ungrateful":

"I (23 F[emale]) am a student abroad."

"My father and stepmom came to visit me in my student housing, which is a small room with an attached bathroom and a shared kitchen down the hall."

"I have therapy once a week in the morning, which both of them knew about in advance."

"It is a hard and sometimes emotional thing, so I asked them to give me the room during the session."

"My stepmom said she'd go sightseeing."

"My dad said he'd work in the kitchen but would come back in if he needed the bathroom or anything else."

"The bathroom is inside my room, so I told him I'd prefer he go to a cafe about 500m away for the hour, or visit a museum and do his work in the evening (since it is quite flexible)."

"He said this was disrespectful and ungrateful, pointing out that he helps fund my studies (~$1000/month, my father was also the one who pushed the hardest for studying abroad)."

"He said I was acting like a child, that a normal adult would just deal with it, and that I shouldn't be emotional."

"He has not spoken to me since (or to anybody else really), which is most of a day now, despite my attempts at conversation, and it made the day miserable for everyone."

"Earlier that morning, I'd had a stressful start because I was preparing for the session and told them I wasn't coming to breakfast, which he also called disrespectful."

"Later, after the day of silence, I got a headache and slept for an hour, which they said was disrespectful too since I had guests."

"AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for asking their father to give them privacy during their therapy session.

Everyone agreed that the OP was making a more than reasonable request, feeling that their father's behavior explained pretty clearly why the OP was in therapy in the first place:

"NTA."

"You should have a reasonable expectation for privacy during your therapy session."

"But you need to really think long and hard about how overbearing your Dad is and look for ways to establish healthy boundaries to protect your peace."- stinstin555

"NTA."

"I can't believe they are staying IN your student housing!"

"They should have gotten a hotel nearby"- 1RainbowUnicorn

"NTA."

"Sounds like you'll have a lot to talk about in therapy."- followifyoulead

"NTA."

"How do I say this gently?"

"Any healthy adult can use the bathroom before a scheduled appointment and then wait an hour."

"That he wants to have the right to interrupt your private space during a private appointment isn't about respect, it's about power."

"Acting entitled because he supports you financially is about power."

"Requiring you to modulate your emotions and sleep around his comfort inside your home is about power."- Madscurr

"NTA."

"Privacy during therapy is a reasonable request, especially in a tiny space."- JakePowerliftw

"NTA."

"Therapy is intended to be confidential and between the therapist and patient."

"You’re more than entitled to your privacy."

"I think your dad just wanted to eavesdrop on your session."

"He said this was disrespectful and ungrateful, pointing out that he helps fund my studies."

"Wow...way to hold that over your head because you want to maintain your privacy."- DJ_NY_Supreme

"Your father is giving you the silent treatment like a petulant child."

"A normal adult would know that therapy sessions should be private."

"NTA."- yitzike

"NTA."

"And your dad is wildly overreacting."- gcot802

"NTA."

"He didn’t like being told to go to another location, but therapy is private."

"He is the one who is disrespecting you by not following your wishes."

"You gave him an alternative location to spend his time, too."

"I’ve had to do sessions in my car in order to get the privacy required (kids in the house), but a grown adult is more than capable of being flexible."

"He has chosen not to be, and that’s on him."

"The money is irrelevant."

"You told them you would be unavailable and gave an alternative."

"Your step-mom handled the situation appropriately."- Emergency-Ground480

"NTA."

"A 'normal adult' wouldn't throw a pissy fit when he is asked to give someone privacy."- BlackGlenCoco

"NTA."

"I'm guessing that your dad's self-important attitude is one of the things you might discuss in therapy."

"He is an AH."- swillshop

"NTA."

"Sounds like a good thing to talk about in therapy!"

"lol."- ThestralBreeder

"NTA."

"It’s your space."

"Regardless of who is paying for it."- Numerous-Phase-8003

"NTA."

"I can't understand why 2 adults wouldn't want to stay in a hotel instead of piling into a tiny student room."- iIIchangethislater

"NTA."

"You should tell your father he's the reason you are in therapy (which ironically he is also paying)."- Piclen

"You’re NTA, but your dad sure is!"- KeepOffTheGrassA**

"NTA."

"As a parent who has an adult child doing therapy, I would never dream of being disrespectful during this time."

"I accidentally walked into her room once while she was in a session, I quickly apologized and promptly left."

"She called me back so she could introduce me to her therapist."

"I’ve never been intrusive when it comes to this."

"Your dad sounds entitled, but stepmom sounds like she gets it."

"Speak with her, maybe she can help your dad to understand you needing privacy."- mamallama0118

"NTA."

"Can you lock your door?"

"Also speak with your step mom and get her to encourage your dad to go sightseeing with her."- CheezwizOfficial

"NTA."

"I'd be telling my dad that he needs therapy to understand why he feels so entitled!"- Scared-Listen6033

"NTA."

"Sometimes to figure out other people's motivations, we have to ask ourselves why."

"Why was it so important for your father to be present in the apartment while you had your therapy session?"

"What benefit could their possibly be."

"When my husband has his therapy sessions, i stay out of the room."

"If i can hear him, I'm putting in earbuds."

"If I had to, I would leave."

"You gave notice, and it's only for an hour."

"It seems reasonable your dad and mother could've gone out shopping/eating/wtf ever."

"And came back."

"If your dad wants to know things about you, he has to cultivate the relationship with you and respect your boundaries."

"Not take the eavesdropping route."- Sky146

"NTA."

"I’d bring this up to your therapist, I doubt your dad would call anyone else going to a doctor's appointment disrespectful, just cause they had guests over."

"He’s just an AH and he is the disrespectful one."- OnlyStomas

"NTA...you ARE dealing with it, by telling them exactly what you need."

"It's a shame your father can't accept that you're not disrespectful, but you are an adult."

"I hope the therapy helps you cope."- RoyallyOakie

“'He said I was acting like a child, that a normal adult would just deal with it, and that I shouldn't be emotional. He has not spoken to me since (or to anybody else really), which is most of a day now despite my attempts at conversation and it made the day miserable for everyone'.”

“'You shouldn’t be emotional and you're acting like a child!' explained the fully grown man who is having a day-long temper tantrum about having to leave your home one hour."

"NTA."- AlienvsPredatorFan

"NTA."

"That is incredibly rude of your father."

"One hour for any kind of doctor's appointment should be respected."

"And a therapy appt for an adult?"

"I would be incredibly uncomfortable knowing at any minute someone (anyone!) might barge in."

"Your dad is wrong and is being very immature."- slowasaspeedingsloth

Seeing as the OP acknowledged that their father made it possible for them to study abroad, it seems pretty clear that the OP is grateful for the things he made possible.

Even so, therapy is never meant to be a shared experience, something the OP's father should have been told.

Particularly after many agreed he had invaded the OP's privacy enough already by staying in their dorm rather than a nearby hotel.