Navigating interactions with people whose morals, values and beliefs are diametrically opposed to your own is often best avoided if it only leads to arguments. But when they’re part of your family it’s not always possible.
Redditor “throwitawayovathere” found themselves in this situation. After a recent family interaction went sideways, they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
They asked:
“AITA for exposing my sibling’s racist comment to the family?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained how it all went down in their post and subsequent comments.
“My stepdad and his children [males, age 18 and 20] are very conservative and outspoken about their conservative beliefs.”
“My siblings are VERY racist behind closed doors. I’m the complete opposite but I’ve always been very private about it bc the minute I said anything ‘too snowflake-y,’ my siblings would shame me to hell and back.”
“They’re horrible, intolerant individuals. I went away to school to get away from their toxicity.”
“They’re racist behind closed doors…. neither of us knew before. My mom is an ethnic minority and I’m half, so things became uncomfortable real quick.”
“My mom spent time educating them in the beginning, but the fights would turn volatile and toxic so she stopped. I would try with her and the fights would end in us crying and them feeling triumphant that they had won.”
“So believe me, I tried educating them and trying to help them become more tolerant people. It became too much.”
“The funny thing is I’m 99% sure that their mother is an ethnic minority too but they straight up REFUSE to identify as it.”
“I’ve asked them, ‘How can you guys say that about them when you’re half yourselves?’ And they blew up denying it.”
“Dad is white so I guess they’re not wrong in saying that they are, but I don’t understand why they hide their biracial heritage, it’s so confusing. They’re white passing too.”
“It’s hard being bi-racial with White racist siblings.”
The current political climate created an increase in the siblings’ social media activity.
“Anyways, they’ve been posting a lot of things about the current events that have underlying racism in them but aren’t blatantly racist.”
“However, after seeing one post in particular while at a rally, I got really heated & sent them a picture hours later while I was at a march.”
“One of my siblings replied with, ‘quit monkeying around with those baboon n——rs.'”
“I WAS SOOOO UPSET that I screenshotted it and sent it in my family group chat and said ‘This is what your racist child is saying !!!!!.'”
“Immediately my siblings are calling me a sensitive ‘libtard,’ that what I did was not cool bc that was a private chat, I was an a**hole, I couldn’t be trusted, etc.”
“I come to find out that at that moment, my mama is in the hospital being rushed into emergency surgery and I was making matters worse.”
“I had no idea at all she was getting EMERGENCY SURGERY until they decided to make me feel bad about it. I was like ….wtf??? Exactly WHEN were they going to tell me about my mother????”
It was all too much for the OP to handle.
“I’m sick and tired of my siblings being racist jerkoffs so I decided to call them out on it.”
“Now all I can do is fight fire with fire and expose them.”
“I’m so tired of hiding my beliefs at home bc I’m afraid of being bullied by them. It all boiled up and so I decided to expose them.”
“They both go to a community college that has a Hispanic majority. If the school saw this, it would be over for them.”
“They both say I’m the a**hole for screenshotting the message and sharing it with the [extended] family. So… am I the a**hole?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
“NTA. I would not have only shared it with them, I would have also posted it to any social media account possible.”
“You can’t do much about their views, but you can expose them.”
And then, they can explain to the world why they are stupid f’kers.” – _gschaftlhuaba
The OP added to the thread admitting they were tentative about going further with the post.
“I reaaaaally thought about posting it to Instagram, but I was afraid of making the family look bad.”
“I’ll admit I’m a bit of a coward. At least they haven’t said anything else to me bc they’re afraid I’ll take more screenshots, so I guess it stopped them for now.”
When asked if their parents were aware of the siblings’ behavior, the OP responded:
“Oh yeah, they’re completely aware. I’ve seen them make so many racist jokes in front of both parents, complain about ethnic minorities & what absolutely KILLS me the most is how sexist they are.”
“It’s so bad that they’ve regularly told me not to come back from college with any Black guys and not to marry them either… so guess who has hidden most of their relationships from them?”
“When I date White men, I get nothing but accolades from those a**hats.”
This Redditor offered other ways to expose the siblings’ hatred.
“Unfortunately, you have only prevented them (for now) from saying it to you.”
“There is a website that has been set up to expose racists for the things they are saying… it can be posted anonymously.”
“Your siblings may suspect it was you, but they won’t be able to prove it.” – netflixandsloth
“You will not make the family look bad. They do that on their own.”
“Public shaming is the easiest way to get them to shut the f*k up. People have this idea that if things are kept in the family then it’s okay and can be repeated because there’s no real fall out from it; but public accountability removes the safety net of ‘I can be racist in front of my family and they won’t do anything.'” – Creepy-Algae
This person suggested the would only be the a**hole (YWBTAH) if they didn’t go further to stop messages of hate.
“NTA for exposing your racist siblings to the family group chat. Although I wouldn’t really call it exposing since their parents are racists as well.”
“But YWBTAH if you don’t out their racism to all their friends and peers on social media.”
“This is how racism has been thriving through generations. It’s being instilled in their offspring and there has been no accountability.”
“Everyone talking about how racism is getting worse. No, it’s just being exposed thanks to cell phones that can livestream and take pics on the fly now.”
“Yes in America there is the first amendment that protects their right to spew hatred and bigotry but that doesn’t mean we have to accept it in our civil society.”
“All these people being outed on social media doing a complete 180 on their beliefs because they’re being fired for being bigots. Unfortunately the only way to reach people sometimes is having them experience being shunned themselves when dialogue doesn’t work.”
“Take care OP. Good luck with your fam.” – MILLIONS-KNIVES
“Racists aren’t afraid anymore. They are outspoken, and shameless.”
“They should face the consequences- you aren’t ‘making your family look bad,’ your family IS bad.”
“Those kids who get college admissions and scholarships rescinded deserve it- they should know what kind of people they are admitting into their schools.”
“Please consider exposing them.” – sukinsyn
The general Reddit consensus was that the OP was not TA for exposing the siblings’ comment to the family.
In addition, many of the Reddit responses expressed that there needs to be greater consequences for their racism.