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New Mom Upset After Husband ‘Jokes’ That Her C-Section Wasn’t ‘Real’ Birth In Front Of Friends

Woman giving birth
Justin Paget/Getty Images

Content Warning: Childbirth, Caesarean Section, Major Surgery, Healing Process

When mothers have to make the difficult decision to go a different route than natural childbirth, many will experience feelings of worry about what’s to come as well as guilt at not going the “traditional” route.

But taking medication or having surgery does not make one mother less of a mother than another, reassured the people in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor Many_Bear3948 had to have an emergency Caesarean section while having her first baby and dealt with a complicated first child birth.

But when her husband accused her of not experiencing a “real birth” and made fun of her to all of his friends, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and wasn’t sure what to think.

She asked the sub:

“AITAH for feeling disrespected by my husband’s jokes about me having a Caesarean (C-section)?”

The OP had to have a Caesarean (C-section) instead of a natural birth.

“I had an emergency C-section seven months ago with our first baby.”

“It was a painful experience, but thankfully, our baby is healthy.”

The OP’s husband made a lot of backhanded jokes about her surgery.

“Ever since then, my fiancé has made constant ‘jokes’ about how I ‘took the easy way out’ of childbirth and comments about how ‘real women push through the pain.'”

“At first, I thought he was just clueless and tried to explain how dangerous and terrifying the whole thing was for me, but he wouldn’t stop.”

The OP’s husband’s jokes just kept getting worse.

“The worst time was last week when he joked in front of his friends that I ‘didn’t really give birth, the doctors did.'”

“Everyone laughed while I just stayed quiet.”

“AITAH?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some applauded the OP and said a C-section was a real birth, as well as major surgery.

“There is a reason you stay in the hospital longer after a c-section than a regular birth. It’s major abdominal surgery, and more serious than a normal birth.”

“Husband is an id**t.” – WorkInProgress1040

“She literally risked her life, had surgery, and had to endure the recovery of a c-section. (If he had half a brain he’d know that c-section recovery is harder than vaginal birth recovery). Ugh, this guy doesn’t deserve a partner.”

“What else is he ignorant and horribly insensitive about? Imagine raising a child with this muppet, ugh.” – EveningPassenger6762

“C-sections are no fun. I’d take a vaginal delivery any day over recovering from a c-section any day (I’ve had both).”

“Cut him open, pull a baby out, get right into nursing and diaper changes and sleepless nights and recovering with major pain relievers, trying to go to the bathroom… Yep, he wouldn’t survive without lots of complaining and griping that he’s not getting enough help…”

“And only give him as much help as he gave you. Which was probably… none?” – Imaginary-Angle-42

“I had a traumatic vaginal, and then two emergency c-sections back to back 18 months apart…. C-sections were miles easier for me. It depends on the person, truly truly.”

“The point is that neither is a godd**n walk in the park.”

“Which is why it’s even MORE f**king absurd that a man would ever find it appropriate to enter an arena with some useless opinion on an experience that is exclusively female.”

“Sigh. Sadly, we haven’t exactly had an enlightened experience here on earth so far, hmmm, ladies? They’re still trying to keep us down. Remember, we are the inferior and hysterical ones (eyeroll).”

“And dudes WONDER why we ain’t swoonin’ around here right now…” – SaraSlaughter607

“As someone who’s had three vaginal deliveries, I was SO grateful! I’ve had five abdominal surgeries, two being laparoscopic, and I would take a vaginal delivery any day over another abdominal cut! Even those tiny laparoscopic ones!”

“Granted, I also suffered two rectocele surgeries as a hEDSer, and now have a foot-by-foot mesh in my gut (incisional hernias post-surgeries) and one in my vaginal wall, as well. The gut mesh provides me with chronic issues and occasional internal tearing if I move in the wrong ways. Anytime the abdomen is cut open, it’s a major risk either now or in the future, if you’re lucky.”

“F**k that dude. He has no f**king idea. Most men, especially, don’t, but at least my spouse is smart enough to know he has no idea and doesn’t say a damn word about my body or my experience. The OP deserves a much smarter, empathetic spouse.” – SEGwrites

“Caesarean sections involve, after slicing through the abdominal wall/separating the muscles (depending on how urgent it is) having one’s intestines removed and placed on the operating table, then the uterus gets hoiked up and cut open to retrieve the baby.”

“Said abdominal organs are then, after stitching up the uterus, basically just stuffed back in. Where they will, over the next few months, slowly migrate back to their original configuration. You can feel this happening and it is not pleasant.”

“And even if you don’t have the risk of episiotomy or other localized damage as would someone who birthed vaginally, you still get to deal with the dinner-plate-sized uterine wound where the placenta detached.”

“And he thinks THAT is the ‘easy option’?!” – Self-Aware

“Next time he says something like that, look him dead in the eyes and ask him, ‘Would you have preferred that I have died during child labor?'”

“Then wait for him to answer, especially if he does this in front of other people. C-sections aren’t a joke, it’s a major surgery, that leaves one with scars that can hurt you for the rest of your life. NTA.” – AnointedQueen

“Yes, OP, you took the easy way out instead of dying during childbirth.”

“They don’t do emergency c-sections because the woman feels like giving up.”

“I know this because I tried to quit during labour but my doctor wasn’t having it… lol (laughing out loud).”

“You got to have the worst of it bc you had to deal with labour and having a c-section.” – BasicRabbit4

Others agreed and loudly criticized the OP’s husband for not having her back.

“Your husband is an a**hole. NTA.”

“And it’s such a weird thing to be fixated on. Like… okay? It was an emergency! Why does he care so much about if you gave birth ‘naturally’ or not? You have a healthy baby now, don’t you?!” – blackcrowblue

“He doesn’t care about the method of birth really. He wants to take her down a peg or two and he’s fixated on this as a good excuse. He’s a d**k.”

“Sorry, OP. Next time he does it, I’d be asking why is he being such a d**k about an emergency procedure.” – SecludedTitan

“Your husband’s only contribution to the pregnancy and birth was an orgasm. He needs to f**king sit down and shut up. NTA.” – TarzanKitty

“I had two c-sections over 30 years ago. I didn’t miss a darned thing except for possibly having dead or brain-damaged children. (Both had their umbilical cords around their necks but neither had their cords compressed and both were fine).”

“No one ever said anything in my hearing to imply I took the easy way out, not even my ex.”

“OP’s husband is a total idiot and a complete jerk. An OB doctor or nurse needs to sit down with him and have a serious discussion about c-sections. OP needs to kick his sorry rear end to the curb.” – Low-Law602

“Big talk from someone whose only ‘effort’ was a few minutes of fun. The audacity to mock her when she did all the hard work. He needs to humble himself real quick.” – rosamunddecristoforo

“Just tell him in your SWEETEST voice possible, ‘Aww honey, I was giving YOU the easy way out. See, I was going to DIE, and you would have been left as a single dad, raising a newborn and figuring out funeral arrangements all on your own, and I let them slice through seven layers of muscle and skin and went through my insides being messed up, just to sit here and listen to you s**t all over me for wanting to not die.'”

“Then stare at him and smile like he’s the dumba** he, in fact, is.” – StrangledInMoonlight

“Next time he insists he’s joking or that he’s funny, say what my mother would say: ‘Many things said in jest are meant in earnest.’ Look him in the eye until he breaks eye contact.”

“Do not for any reason look away first.”

“When the silence becomes unbearable, and it will, say to him, ‘I didn’t know you PREFERRED I die during childbirth.'”

“He won’t have a response for that, so then you should say, ‘Excuse me, but this constant abuse makes me sick!’ and then get up and walk away.”

“By forcing him to look away, you are expressing dominance.”

“And by walking away, you are turning the full spotlight of his bad behavior back on him.”

“His friends will HAVE to turn their attention on something other than you, and he’ll become the target of their attention.”

“Trust me, he’ll find this… uncomfortable.”

“His friends are putting up with this bad behavior because you are. They aren’t evaluating if any of this is actually funny because you aren’t challenging them to.”

“Give them an opening to show him they disapprove of his behavior.”

“They will likely discipline him by the way they treat him.”

“Then don’t talk about it with him. Tell him this is over, period! You’ve had enough! NTA!” – ExpressionDue6656

No matter how a mother gives birth, they are each valid and each carry their own risks. One is not more special, important, or “real” than another.

Until the OP’s partner could experience childbirth for himself, he should learn to listen to his wife’s needs and experience and do what any good partner would: have her back instead of making her the butt of all of his bad jokes.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.