It can feel like a lot to get the support of your family when you’re in a non-traditional relationship. And while some may support you, others may be too obstinate.
Redditor ThrowRAbabyontheway fell in love with his significant other before he came out as trans. The original poster (OP) is still with him, and what’s more, they’re having a baby!
However, not everyone is so jubilant, leading to some friction in OP’s family. Since OP isn’t sure if he’s wrong for causing this fight, he decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about the situation.
OP and his sister have strong solidarity.
“AITA for telling my sister the real reason why my parents haven’t come to see my newborn son?”
But how does this affect their parents?
“Me (26M[ale]) and my boyfriend (26M) had a baby less than a couple wks ago. My boyfriend is trans (born female then transitioned to male) but I knew him for years before he came out.”
“And I was in love with him all those years (he was too), that didn’t change after he came out but it was a lot to mentally process for me.”
“We had a drunk one night stand and he found out he got pregnant. We’re together as a couple raising our son.”
“My family knows everything about this but they are huge transphobes. Before we got together they had lots of negative opinions when he started making changes.”
“It bothered me so much. Then when I told them we were having a baby they lost their sh*t.”
“A few months ago they seemed like they came around until they said maybe ‘motherhood will change her mind’ and yeah I didn’t want that sh*t around us.”
“We had a fight, I told them they’re not allowed around our baby until they accept my boyfriend and keep their sh*t to themselves. They haven’t contacted me at all even after my son was born so that told me they don’t want to come around.”
“My sister doesn’t know about our fight. She was really excited to become an aunt so a few days ago she came to meet him.”
“When we were talking she said how come our parents haven’t come and I let her know. They told her that I supposedly wasn’t letting anyone meet the baby for a few months because my boyfriend said so but I told her no.”
“It pissed me off that they tried to put the blame on him so I told her everything. And she was [of course] mad she even called them outside to yell at them.”
“The thing is my sister is like their golden child. They care way more about her and will do anything to be around her. Like when she moved for college a few hours away they moved too.”
“Everything is for her. So she was so mad she stopped talking to them and now they’re mad because my sister is pulling away from them for how they’re being with us.”
“The reason they think I’m TA and why I’m wondering if I am is because it was a separate issue between me and them and didn’t involve her at all.”
“But now she’s involved and doesn’t want anything to do with them. Which they’re super devastated about.
“Idk if I made the right move telling her why. I’m very mad at them too so then it comes off as petty telling her knowing how she would react.”
OP’s parents see this as OP’s fault because he told his sister about why the parents weren’t coming to visit, but OP could have kept the reason to himself. The question is, should he have not said anything?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The board was more than supportive of OP and his relationship, they also agreed the parents brought this on themselves by lying. OP’s sister deserved to know the truth.
And if the truth hurts his parents, then maybe they need to think about why.
“Honestly good on your sister for sticking up for you! NTA She deserved to know the truth and they are just mad they can’t blame your partner like they wanted.”
“It’s your sister choice if she doesn’t want to speak to them because of it so unless your telling her to pick a side you are in no way the a**hole.” – Short-Opportunity-92
“NTA. You are doing right by your partner, your sister, and your child. You don’t need them in your life if they don’t respect your family.” – Pretty_Yellow_9601
“They lied to her on top of being unaccepting, closed minded and bigoted. Your sister deserves the truth.”
“Your sister is a free agent who made her own mind about the situation, and she has the right to disapprove of her parents views.” – depressivedarling
“NTA. All you did was tell the truth about your situation. Your sister is standing up for you and your boyfriend because she’s a decent person who loves you and knows that your parents have behaved terribly.”
“The only ones to blame here are your parents, who quite frankly deserve to learn a difficult lesson or two.” – allmenmustdrinktea
“‘..when she moved for college a few hours away they moved too’”
“Holy smothering parents, Batman!”
“NTA. I would guess your sister was looking for an excuse to distance herself from these AH parents and you just provided her a perfect one. You are in no way shape or form the AH, and I hope you and your sister can help each other hold these boundaries with your toxic parents.”
“Kiss that baby, love that bf, and let your sister be the awesome aunt! Good luck!!” – Fuzzy_Ad_336
“NTA don’t want dirty laundry aired? Don’t create family drama!”
“They have NO right to dictate your relationship or your boyfriend’s gender identity! You can still have a healthy & mentally stable child as same sex couple!”
“My family friends are lesbians & they are AWESOME mothers to their children! Those kids couldn’t be more loved!” – Few-Entrepreneur383
OP’s parents lied about the situation, and tried to put the blame on OP’s boyfriend. They could have been honest, and maybe things would have been different.
Overall, they should examine why they are so against OP’s relationship, and think about why it upsets them.