Every now and then, we are willing to do favors purely out of the goodness of our hearts.
Even if it might mean spending a Saturday afternoon in a way we would rather not, or providing a service we would normally charge for completely gratis.
Of course, we should value our time as well.
And sometimes it is important that we draw a line, and tell people that if they want our help, it will require something on their part as well.
Redditor ceehorsey17 was more than happy to donate her time and effort to help her partner out with his work.
Until, that is, the original poster (OP) learned that her partner’s future plans did not involve her in quite the way she expected.
As a result, the OP told her partner that if he still wanted her help at work, certain conditions needed to be met.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not agreeing to work for free on my partner’s rental property business?”
The OP explained why she had a change of heart when it came to helping her partner at work:
“My partner and I have been together for three years.”
“During this time I have helped him on remodeling some of his rental properties and other property management tasks.”
“He helped me repair my home after a major flood incident.”
“I would say up until this point, our work for work exchange has been fairly equal to slightly tipping the scale in his favor.”
“He recently decided to completely gut and remodel one of the rental homes.”
“This project is expected to take 6 months or more.”
“We anticipate remodeling several of the properties over the next few years.”
“This is going to be a significant time and labor investment.”
“We have talked about marriage and what a prenup might look like.”
“He has been clear in that he wants to keep his rental properties as separate property if we were to get married.”
“He has even gone as far to say that he would want the rental properties even separate from me in his estate planning/will and that everything would go to his siblings.”
“This has been alarming to me and quite hurtful.”
“I understand he doesn’t want to lose assets in the event we divorced but I truly don’t understand the estate side of things.”
“This detail makes a difference because we have a 13 year age gap and he would likely pass before me.”
“I have told him that if he wants to keep the rental business separate, that’s fine.”
“But I will no longer be volunteering my time to his business.”
“Basically that I won’t be his free labor to enrich him and his family.”
“If he wants me to come work on remodeling the properties, he will need to pay me as if I am an employee.”
“I told him my pay rate would be $20 an hour.”
“I have also suggested he call on his family to come help him.”
“I am firm on this boundary right now.”
“He is becoming resentful of my position on this.”
“He believes that me helping him benefits both of us.”
“I have asked him how it benefits both of us and he really can’t quantify how it benefits me in any way.”
“We have totally separate finances.”
“I am on board to be a partner and teammate, but what he expects doesn’t really look like a partnership to me.”
“So, AITA for not agreeing to work on his rental property business for free?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for demanding to be paid when working on her partner’s rental property.
Everyone agreed that the OP more than deserved to be compensated for her time, with many even urging the OP to question if staying in this relationship was a good idea after learning what she did about his will:
“NTA.”
“Does he expect your house would remain solely as your asset?”
“Just curious.”
“It sounds like he doesn’t really view you as an equal partner, if he would leave his assets to his siblings, in your marriage.”
“This is something I would really want to discuss and agree on before marriage.”- CF_FI_Fly
“Wow, he sounds madly in love with you, huh?”
“NTA he’s using you and thinks you’re going to screw him over because he IS screwing you over.”
“Do you see why it makes sense to him not to trust you?”
“Because he knows you shouldn’t trust him.”
“He’s projecting.”- magiemaddi
“NTA.”
“If you move in together or get married this will be your life.”- houseonpost
“NTA.”
“And those rates are crazy low.”
“It is unrealistic to expect you do the work for free and then his family benefit at his passing.”
“I can not see in any way that this is acceptable.”
“If there were kid issues maybe but sounds like there are none.”
“Maybe an even split between you and the family, but still, he should be paying you in some way, but leaving you completely out of any premarital assets seems extreme.”
“My husband and I have have assets, but like you, I have premarital assets that are mine and left to my kids and grandkids.”
“He came into the marriage with NOTHING.”
“But we now have 4 homes and cars and stuff, because of my funds not his.”
“We had agreed what was mine will go to my kids what we accumulated together will be split amongst the grandkids.”
“His and mine.”
“His kids have treated me like sh*t throughout the marriage and now it is worse, now his grands get a set amount with specific jewelry pieces and mine now split the rest.”
“There didn’t used to be a his and mine, but his kids now have prevented me from seeing his grands as I spoil them too much, make them laugh and enjoy their time.”
“I was falsely accused of something, and now they hold an even bigger grudge against me even though it was proven via video it was not me.”
“So while I don’t want to hurt the babes I do not want his kids to benefit from my death.”-MrsNobodyspecial67
“NTA.”
“He has basically told you that you get nothing from these properties.”
“I can understand a few hours here or there for your partner, but that is not what he is asking of you.”
“Why would you waste your time on them?”
“He wants to leave the properties to family, then family can use their time to assist in the renovations.”- Worth-Season3645
“NTA.”
“But this is more than just a simple disagreement.”
“This man doesn’t view you as an equal which is the basis for a healthy marriage.”-Equivalent_Value_967
“NTA!”
“Good luck to him on getting someone to do construction work for $20 an hour!”
“Your boundaries are completely reasonable and totally understandable.”
“Why would you put all that time and effort into HIS investments when, if something happens to him or your relationship, you walk away with nothing after all your hard (free) work.”
“That’s crazy!”
“He’s resentful of your position because it calls out his selfishness and narcissism.”
“Stand Strong!”- wisewoman707
“NTA.”
“I think your request is 100% reasonable and provides you with motivation to assist your partner with HIS properties.”
“He’s trying to have his cake and eat it too, and to benefit from your unrecognized free labor.”
“Your boundary is reasonable.”
“If he’s going to maintain 100% ownership of these properties until he dies, and then will pass them to other members of his family, how are you benefitting at all?”- KBD_in_PDX
“NTA.”
“The truth is there isn’t a long term benefit for you.”
“You’re sinking your time and lost labor into an asset that will never be yours and won’t even inherit.”
“In that light, you absolutely should insist on some compensation, bc otherwise you could invest in your own property or a side job.”
“Sorry he’s resentful but shit ain’t cheap.”- fullofschist
“Dude is running his rentals as a business.”
“He wants it made clear under a prenup that these would remain separate and his, and you wouldn’t get any benefit financial benefit from them.”
“Yet He wants your free labor to keep his costs down.”
“There is zero financial benefit to you and quality time spent together to help him profit doesn’t count.”
“It is very telling that he can’t actually tell you what the benefits are.”
“Taking his profit out of the company to pay for your vacations together?”
“Maybe.”
“I really wouldn’t.”
“I wouldn’t even collect rent or make other landlord-like efforts on his behalf.”
“He’s just pissed that he’d have to pay out of pocket, and it would take longer before the properties could become rentable.”
“NTA.”- Snackinpenguin
One has to question how much the OP’s partner values her at all.
Considering he expects her to give up a sizable amount of time to help him with his business, yet not leave her any of that business in his will should they get married.
A partnership requires two equal amounts of give and take.
From everything the OP says, it seems she is giving her partner her all while he is taking advantage of her.