Regardless of how well-raised and wonderful and respectful a child may be, at one point or another, they’re going to be mean.
It just happens.
No matter how angelic they are, there will come a time when emotions get the best of them.
And while this is just a fact of life, bullying is a completely different territory, and unrelenting harassment in any form should be met with consequences.
Should be.
But that, of course, is not always the case.
A mom on Reddit refuses to attend her sister’s wedding because of her niece’s homophobic and racist bullying toward her son, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor fokaifemme asked:
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Five years ago, my niece Nicky and her friends ridiculed and harassed my son Marc.”
“They speculated about his sexuality, called him slurs, and even used the N-word with a hard R—all for their entertainment.”
“When Marc came home, he was crying, shaking, and yelling as he tried to tell me what happened. It was heartbreaking.”
“I immediately approached my sister to address the issue.”
“I explained Marc’s side of the story and the state he was in, but she dismissed it, claiming her daughter and her friends would ‘never act that way.'”
“She didn’t even offer to talk to Nicky.”
“This wasn’t an isolated incident.”
“A few months before, Nicky kicked Marc in the genitals in front of her friends as a ‘joke.'”
“When I demanded an explanation and an apology, Nicky refused, started crying, and claimed it was ‘unfair’ to hold her accountable—even as Marc was still in pain.”
“Nicky also has a history of mean-spirited behavior, such as calling my younger son Cory (then 6 years old) ‘The Annoying Child’ instead of his name.”
“Cory has asked me why she does this and shared how much it upsets him.”
“In the case of Marc, my sister doubled down, claiming that one of Nicky’s friends (the one who used the N-word) couldn’t possibly be racist because she’s Mexican.”
“Her exact words were, ‘I don’t know what you want me to do about this.'”
“That was the final straw for me.”
“I told her that if she wasn’t willing to address the issue, it was in my family’s best interest to distance ourselves.”
“Three days later, she called me, said she spoke to Nicky, and told me, ‘We’re good on my end.'”
“No details, no resolution, just that.”
“When I followed up via email asking what was discussed and what actions would be taken, she never responded.”
“To this day, no apology has been offered—not from my sister, Nicky, or the other kids involved.”
“I informed my extended family about the situation and my decision to keep my kids away from my sister’s family.”
“While some were supportive, others, including my mother, have tried to undermine this boundary.”
“One time, my mom secretly took my kids to spend time with my sister’s family without my permission.”
“I only found out because my younger son mentioned it.”
“I was furious and drove an hour to pick them up immediately.”
“Fast forward to today: I’ve received criticism for maintaining this boundary.”
“My sister is now getting married and invited us to the wedding, but I declined.”
“My mother even asked if she could take my kids to the wedding, and I flatly said no.”
“There has been no effort from my sister to apologize or reconcile.”
“The only time she reached out after the incident was to add me to a group chat asking if we could take her to a birthday party in Chicago—no mention of the harm she caused.”
“I’m standing firm in my decision to protect my kids, but I’ve been labeled as overly harsh and unforgiving.”
“AITAH?”
Redditors weighed in on the situation and agreed OP is not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA – if you go and something happens, you know your sister won’t do anything to remedy the issue and you’ll need to take matters into your own hands – which is exactly why you should not go.” – Kautami
“NTA your mother is the worst grandmother around.”
“What kind of grandparent takes a child back to their abuser?” – HauntingReaction6124
“NTA. Your sister blatantly refused to address the issue when her kids are her responsibility.”
“Sure, its not her responsibility for how their friends act towards him, but she should have at least spoken to their parents about it.”
“All it shows is how immature she is at handling such things.”
“Dealing with behavior in children these days is so much harder, I will admit, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to just ignore it entirely.”
“Good for you for sticking up for your children.” – xFaithfvl
“NTAH and your mother’s not a safe adult for your children.”
“She should NEVER be with them alone or allowed to take them anywhere on her own.”
“Block your sister’s number and stop entertaining her BS.”
“Keep her and her little sociopathic daughter away from your family.” – Mother_Search3350
“NTA. Your sister is a terrible ‘parent’ and doesn’t take accountability for what her child does or even believe it, she’s blind.”
“Your boundary is 100% correct, and you should keep it up and also go LC or NC with your mom since she also downplays this situation = she isn’t safe near your kids. It might be hard but it is the best choice for your kids and your family.” – pralinen91
“NTA. Your sister and her child sound like terrible people.”
“Good for you for protecting your son!” – JTBlakeinNYC
“NTA”
“protect for kids, even if it’s from family.”
“your sister refused to correct her daughter. so my kids would not be visiting.”
“as for you mom, going behind your back and taking your kids to your sisters, now she would be on the same list as the sister.”
“no more visits.”
“i hope you didn’t take her to Chicago.” – LosAngel1935
“Nope, nope, nope… NTA.”
“Protect your kids.”
“I’d do exactly what you’re doing.” – Kirbywitch
“NTA. Good on you for protecting your children.”
“Continue to keep your distance from your sister and then do the same with your mother since she cannot respect your boundaries.” – Beautiful_Choice8620
OP offered an update in which she provided additional information, thanked commenters for their advice, and revealed she had taken major steps toward reaching a resolution.
“To provide some context: this situation started five years ago.”
“My relationship with my mother wasn’t great to begin with.”
“After she secretly took my kids to spend time with my sister, I distanced my family from her too.”
“About a week later, my mom reached out to apologize and took steps towards reconciliation.”
“A few months after that, I started allowing her back into our lives, but I set firm boundaries.”
“For instance, she’s not allowed to take my kids anywhere without me.”
“For the next year, I avoided large family gatherings to steer clear of my sister.”
“However, three years after the incident, we attended a funeral where my sister and her family were present.”
“My youngest, who was only two at the time of the original events, didn’t even remember them.”
“Today, he’s curious and might want to get to know them, but Marc has no interest.”
“He’ll smile politely in shared spaces, but that’s it.”
“Cory remembers hearing ‘The Annoying Child’ but doesn’t realize it was directed at him.”
“Over the years, we’ve had minimal interaction with my sister’s family during shared events, mostly just nods of acknowledgment.”
“Still, no apologies or meaningful attempts to reconcile have ever come from my sister.”
“This year, the pressure from extended family has been relentless, with my brother being the most vocal.”
“He insists I need to ‘squash my feud’ because family events ‘aren’t the same.'”
“After last night, I realized getting everyone in a room to address this was impossible, so I sent a message in our family group chat.”
“I explained that while some may not fully grasp the impact of what happened, it was deeply hurtful and damaging to my family.”
“I also asked them to focus on this ‘special time’ for my sister while respecting my boundaries and leaving my family out of it.”
“I made it clear that if anyone couldn’t respect my boundaries, I would have no choice but to distance myself from them as well.”
“This prompted some quick responses like, ‘I’m sorry if I ever made you feel that way’ and ‘I wasn’t trying to pressure you.'”
“It’s been five years of uncomfortable moments, family jabs, and constant pressure for the sake of keeping the peace.”
“It’s been draining, but I want to sincerely thank this community for the advice and support you’ve given me over the last 24hrs.”
“The renewed energy to stand firm in my decision has meant more than I can express.”
We’re wishing OP the best of luck as she navigates this reconciliation.