When putting together a guest list for a more intimate gathering, not everyone is going to make the cut.
This is especially true with weddings.
It can sting when you're left off the invite list for the nuptials of loved ones.
But if the budget only calls for so much, some trimming must be done.
The trimming can cut deep, emotionally speaking.
Case in point...
Redditor NotAMeteor wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
"AITA for refusing to go to my best friend's wedding after he asked me to be his best man, because he didn't invite my girlfriend to the ceremony?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"One of my best friends has recently gotten engaged to his girlfriend of 4 years."
"They will be getting married next year, and I was over the moon for them."
"A few days ago, he asked me to be his best man, and I said yes."
"I'd never have considered saying no, but yesterday, official invites were handed out, and my girlfriend was only granted an evening invitation."
"They said that they were only allowed 50 people to the ceremony and 100 to the evening, and any additional seats would cost them money."
"If it were a case of the pair of them having huge pools of family and friends and they had to make a cut, I wouldn't feel angry about it."
"But they both have very small families, and I then found out that people they met online playing video games have been invited to the day, and not only that, but their partners have also been invited."
"It just feels like a bit of a slap to the face, being the best man and not being allowed one space."
"The bride has often said that she doesn't like new people in her life, and my G[irl]F[riend] has very rarely been invited to social events at their house."
"Though when she first started seeing my friend, I made sure she was invited to everything we did from day one."
"I've been with my GF for six months, and by the time the wedding comes around, it'll be pushing two years."
"Anyway, I ended up telling my friend that not only would I be pulling out of being his best man, but I wouldn't be going to the wedding, and it's safe to say he wasn't best pleased."
"He tried to explain it rationally with there not being space for her, but I stuck to my guns."
"I know this may make me the a**hole because I'm throwing away years of friendship for something that likely wasn't a huge consideration for them."
"There just wasn't enough space, but knowing how this had made me feel, I don't think I'd be capable of giving a nice speech during the day."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
"YTA. You answered the question in your post."
"They have limited space and wish to keep the wedding on a budget."
"It is not for you to decide who watches the ceremony and who doesn't."
"Your girlfriend has an invite to the evening reception."
"It is truly up to the couple on who they wish to attend the morning portion and watching them tie the knot."
"I bet if you asked your girlfriend if she cares or not, I'd wager it is the latter."
"All she gets is a free meal, drinks, and a dance party, sounds perfect to her."
"Push your ego aside and have a conversation with the groom."
"Explain how you feel and talk it out."
"Lastly, you have over a year to work through this issue and deliver a speech." ~ Voidg
"You're right. It isn't for OP to decide any of that."
"What OP IS entitled to is the option to go or not to go."
"That cannot make OP the AH unless they justify it with some insane, irrational thought process." ~ AnticipateMe
"YTA. You've been with your girlfriend for six months, the couple doesn't know her, and there is no guarantee you will even be with her in another 18 months from now."
"You're planning to throw away your long friendship because you're in a relatively new relationship with a person who is a stranger to the bride/groom that is having a smaller limited guest wedding."
"There are hills to die on, but this is not one." ~ HeirOfRavenclaw
"Imagine a year and a half of awkward friend group events where the OP's GF has to hang around two ppl who have no interest in being close friends with her and don't take her seriously."
"The bride and groom made this whole situation shi**y for OP."
"Brides and Grooms need to stop acting like their behavior can't be questioned leading up to their 'special day.'" ~ OkPumpkin5330
OP responded...
"This is exactly it."
"When I handed the evening invite to my GF, I could tell it stung."
"As I say, it's only been events that the bride and groom have organized that she's not been invited."
"My own social events and other friends have always included her."
"The wedding is a long way off, and at every gathering until then, she will likely feel out of place and disliked."
Reddit continued...
"YTA for making this a dealbreaker for you with your best friend."
"And you're going to feel very stupid if you torpedo this friendship, and then your GF of only six months dumps you in a couple of months."
"It would have been nice if they'd given you a plus one for the full event, but them inviting people they consider friends (and those friends probably more established partners) over their friend's newish girlfriend is not something you're required to take offense at."
"And if they have twice as much room for the reception, that means they are having to make a lot of tough decisions about who comes to the ceremony."
"As the best friend of the groom, you could have a little less ego around the invite list." ~ SadderOlderWiser
"Why does it matter she was only invited to the reception?"
"It's not like you'd be spending time with your girlfriend during the ceremony anyway since you'll be part of it, and she'd be watching."
"It's quite logical, based on the couple's guest limits, that your girlfriend would only be invited for the part of the event that she'd be able to interact with you."
"YTA for backing out on a commitment because they're not changing their wedding to accommodate your demands." ~ RavenTwinklefoot
"YTA. You've been with your girlfriend for six months… that's the reason why she's not invited."
"This is still a new relationship."
"You've wasted a friendship over a new relationship." ~ FlyGuy1922
"YTA - She's been your girlfriend for six months, by Jove, not ten years!"
"I understand from experience that after six months, people tend to still be over the moon with their relationships, and a love this young tends to obnubilate one's reason, but this is really petty."
"She's even invited to the evening celebration. She just cannot fit into the ceremony!" ~ SirDaeltanFernagdor
"You've been with your girlfriend for six months, they want people who love them and are very close to them?"
"You're doing way too much."
"Just because you're the best man, it doesn't mean that you must have a plus one. YTA." ~ Just_River_7502
OP came back to Update...
"Thanks for the responses below."
"I appreciate it."
"It seems I'm blowing things out of proportion for a day that isn't about me."
"I will do what I can to rectify this with my mate."
"In the heat of the moment, it just felt like a more personal slight."
"One thing a lot of the responses make clear is that I didn't make it well known that I've been friends with both the bride and groom for the duration of their relationship, and due to their joint-at-the-hip nature and the nature of our friendship group, people's partners have usually been welcomed with open arms to everything."
"As I said in my above post, I did everything I could to make the bride feel comfortable in the group when she was first introduced, and we consider each other good friends."
"The point of contention with me is more so that if we were together in a year's time when the wedding rolls around, I'd like to think she was established in the group."
"I wouldn't dream of not asking my best friend's partner for the most important day of my life."
"We are all a tight-knit group of friends and see each other regularly (partners and all)."
"It's just that my partner doesn't get an invite when it comes to social events hosted by the bride and groom."
"I know for a fact if the roles were reversed and she wasn't invited to my wedding, there would be hell to pay (because there have been instances where I've invited my friend without his girlfriend for 'lad's nights out' and she's kicked off)."
"Anyway, the point of this edit isn't to try and convince people that I'm in the right."
"I can see quite clearly that I've overreacted and that things could have been resolved in a different way."
"But I just wanted to give a bit more context into our friendship because it's not a case of my friend getting married to a woman I've barely met."
"I class her as a friend and have made every effort to make her feel included from day dot."
"Thanks for the honest comments."
Well, OP, Reddit was not with you on this one.
It sounds like once your emotions cooled off, you were able to grasp a calmer understanding.
No one wants to throw away a lifelong friendship.
Hopefully, this can all work out to everyone's satisfaction.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.