Next to money issues, the next biggest killer of a relationship is laundry issues.
Who is doing it?
Who is folding it and putting it away?
Clothes strewn about can be the deathblow to love.
Laundry should probably be mentioned in wedding vows.
Redditor Noodle-Loodle wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole"(AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for refusing to replace my fiancé’s keys he left in his pocket?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My [F[emale] 23] fiancé [M[ale] 23] recently purchased a new car."
"He came home from work sick today and showered before getting in bed, and left his work clothes on the bathroom floor."
"I was in the middle of doing loads of laundry, so after about an hour, when the washer was empty and ready for a new load, I threw his clothes that he left on the floor in the washer."
"45 minutes into the wash cycle, he freaks out and asks me if I took his keys out because they were in the pocket of his work pants."
"I say no, I just threw them in."
"He thinks I should be the one to pay to replace his keys."
"I said I’m sorry, I didn’t realize, but it’s not my responsibility to check pockets when I’m doing the laundry, and I won’t be footing the bill for that."
"It should be noted that leaving clothes on the ground is normal for him; he has gotten better at it, but his dirty clothes being on the floor is not out of the norm."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Am I the A**hole?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP and her partner were BOTH the A**hole.
"Generally, I'm in the 'Your clothes, your responsibility to check the pockets' camp, but in this one situation, a little grace may have been called for, considering he came home sick, showered, and went to bed."
"This may be an established habit (leaving clothes on the floor), but he may have legit been thinking even less clearly because he wasn't feeling well."
"ESH for you for this one situation, and him in general for not being an adult who picks up his own clothes regularly instead of expecting someone else to do it for him." ~ stunneddisbelief
"I agree."
"They are young, and it's easy to forget things in pockets."
"But I checked my husband's pockets when doing laundry because he never completely emptied them."
"I think it's odd that OP would throw the clothes in the wash so quickly, and not notice how heavy they were." ~ HortenseDaigle
"I stopped with my ex because he was forever leaving Sharpies and fasteners and screws, and Kleenexes."
"I wouldn’t have minded so much, but it was his attitude of entitlement that it SHOULD be my job."
"He was never appreciative."
"I told him he was a grown man (in his 50s), I wasn’t his mother, and I definitely wasn’t going to put myself out anymore for zero appreciation."
"I knew how to check my own pockets; he could as well."
"And if he sent a pocketful of Kleenex through, he could pick the 4000 bits of shredded mess out of the machines."
"The other thing he would do (and then smirk about) was pull off his sweaty socks and throw them into the hamper in a ball."
"I also told him if that was how they went into the basket, that was how they were going into the washer and the dryer."
"Sorry, not sorry, I’m not pulling out the toes of sweat-soaked socks for no appreciation."
"I have no issues going the extra mile for someone for an inch of appreciation."
"He was incapable of that." ~ stunneddisbelief
"If I were OP, I would only wash things that had been put in the laundry basket."
"That way, he has to stop leaving things on the floor if he doesn't want to run out of clean clothes, and you'd know everything you're washing has definitely already had the pockets checked." ~ pocketfullofdragons
"Uh, hate to break it to you, but this is your fiancé."
"It’s BOTH your money from now on."
"ESH: him for just dumping clothes on the floor like a slob and not putting his keys back in their place, and you for not asking if he even needs or wants his clothes washed in the first place."
"Let him wash his own clothes from now on." ~ OptiMom1534
"This is the right answer."
"Tell him if he wants clothes washed, they MUST be in the dirty clothes hamper/basket/washing machine drum (wherever you put dirty washing)."
"That emptying the pockets before he does so is also his responsibility, because if it's in the aforementioned place, it's getting washed, and if it isn't, it isn't getting washed." ~ thecatsothermother
"Make the rule that only things in the dirty laundry hamper get washed."
"If you choose to wash something not in the hamper, then you need to prepare it for the washer; it’s the wearer's responsibility to make sure the pockets are empty before it goes in the hamper." ~ lunerose1979
"ESH. Taking whatever clothes are lying on the ground and chucking them in the washer without going through the pockets first is going to result in problems like this one."
"There's also the added context that he was sick and not completely capable of properly preparing his clothes for the washer."
"If you're not going to do his laundry safely, then you might as well not do it at all."
"Just let him do his own laundry."
"He's also TA for not putting his dirty laundry in a hamper like a civilized person." ~ SomeoneYouDontKnow70
"ESH - def going to get downvoted for this I’m sure, but I do the laundry in our house, and it only takes a moment to squeeze where the pockets are to see if something’s in them."
"I would prob stop doing his laundry though because it seems like it’s something that you are starting to harbor resentment over, which is never good in a relationship, especially if you think you are going to marry this person." ~ blackberrybeanz
"ESH - he shouldn’t be telling you to pay because of a mistake; it happens."
"He had partial responsibility for leaving them in the pocket."
"But he was sick, and if there’s something I was taught about laundry, it is to ALWAYS check pockets before washing, no matter if it’s your clothes or his."
"There might be a paper document or something important that can’t get wet at all without ruining it."
"Also, the keys might be good, but the battery died. Replace it after it’s completely dry and try it before spending on new keys."
"Anyways, this kind of conflict shouldn’t be so divisive between people who are on the way to getting married."
"Unless you’re marrying with a very clear financial separation role in the relationship."
"Sharing the price, in case of really needing replacement keys, would be fair enough, I guess, since I believe you’ll also be 'enjoying' the car (you won’t go have dinner out with 2 cars) and since both were partially wrong in the situation."
"But you both can talk about it calmly and handle it better." ~ durizna
"ESH. He should have emptied his pockets when he took off his pants."
"He didn’t; that was his fault."
"It happens."
"You then did laundry."
"It takes a second to feel that there are keys in a pair of pants pockets."
"It’s not like you’re sifting through everything, turning pockets inside out."
"They were keys, they have weight, they’re relatively bulky."
"But still, it happens."
"Furthermore and most importantly, you’re getting married."
"Who cares whose fault it is?"
"His car is presumably going to be a car you both travel in; find a way to compromise about it." ~ HabitualEnthusiast
"ESH. Him for leaving his clothes on the ground so often that you collect his laundry from the ground."
"You for putting up with it- he’s an adult."
"He should do his own laundry."
"If you two have an agreement that you do all laundry, then he’s especially in the wrong for leaving clothes on the ground."
"And it’s awful that you are planning a wedding and still squabbling about finances."
"Good grief- this doesn’t bode well." ~ sotiredwontquit
"ESH. You definitely should always check the pockets before a wash."
"He shouldn't have his clothes everywhere like an unkempt child." ~ PaisleyEgg
"ESH, he shouldn’t be leaving his clothes on the floor, but you also don’t just throw clothes in the washer without checking the pockets unless maybe they’re in the laundry hamper and theoretically already checked." ~ whatisakafka
"ESH. If the clothes aren’t in the hamper, they need to be checked, but a grown man needs to check his own pockets."
"Split the replacement cost and make the grown man do his own laundry in the future." ~ MrsNarwhal
OP came back to clarify...
"- The reason I do the laundry is that he pays a majority of the bills."
"He does that, so I clean, cook, and take care of his laundry."
"- I was taught growing up that it’s the wearer's responsibility to check pockets before taking them off; this wasn’t emphasized as much for him."
"- I didn’t feel the weight of the keys because I first picked up the clothes in the hamper, then picked up what he left on the floor, so the extra weight on the pants didn’t register."
"- We are splitting the cost of the key."
"Very surprised at comments saying we don’t love each other and will fail at marriage lol, we are young and still figuring out all of the household rules that need to be established!"
It's great to hear that y'all found a solution, OP.
This was definitely not the hill to die on for your relationship.
You're loving and growing and learning.
Now, maybe everybody has been taught a valuable (expensive) lesson.
Good luck.
