It seems that now more than ever, there are scams everywhere, just waiting for someone to fall for it. But none of us would ever expect one of our loved ones to be behind a scam, side-eyed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Sweet-Sweet12 was excited about their sister's wedding and even gifted her the money for an expensive honeymoon trip after the couple's big day.
But when the couple announced that they were no longer planning to get married and didn't need a wedding to "validate their love," the Original Poster (OP) realized what had happened.
They asked the sub:
"AITAH for asking my sister to return the wedding gift I gave her after she canceled her wedding?"
The OP was surprised when their sister canceled their wedding plans.
"I gave my sister an expensive honeymoon trip as a wedding gift."
"A week before the wedding, she and her fiancé canceled, saying they didn't need a wedding to validate their love."
The OP was even more surprised when their sister expected to keep their gift.
"Since the trip was specifically for their honeymoon, I asked if I could get the money back."
"She was furious, saying the gift was hers regardless of the wedding, and our mom sided with her."
"I didn't mean to offend her. I feel like the purpose of the gift doesn't exist anymore."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some theorized that the sister did all of this on purpose to receive free gifts.
"A week before?! Are we sure there was ever a wedding planned?!" - jupitersaturnuranus
"NTA. It sounds like they waited until they received all of their wedding gifts to decide they didn't want a wedding. No wedding, no wedding gifts." - mrs-poocasso69
"I wonder if there was even a real venue to begin with. If it was just a made-up place and then put it on the digital RSVP, there's no money lost at all even canceled at the last second. It was a plan all along!" - Dangthatshuge
"Your sister is super-tacky. A gift-grabber. Yeck. Maybe ask her ex-fiance for the money back."
"Also, keep referring to him as her ex-fiance every chance you get. Because that's what he is!" - GalaxyGirlEtAl
"A HONEYMOON takes place once a WEDDING occurs. No wedding? No honeymoon. Your sister is being shady and cheap. She's being embarrassing. Entitled. Trashy. Grifty. Choose your favorite." - SafeWorld9999
"NTA. They conned you all out of gifts! Take that vacation back, OP." - DesperateLobster69
"NTA. If your sister and her boyfriend don't return everything to the people who gave money or gifts, they are stealing and breaking a contract."
"All gifts were based on the wedding happening. They are greedy people." - NoCommittee8697
"NTA. It's customary to return wedding gifts if the marriage doesn't happen. If she refuses, tell her fine… it's now become birthday and Christmas gifts for the next 15 to 20 years, if you even want to keep her in your life."
"I think I'd disown someone for something like this. Travel is expensive, and honeymoons are even more so." - cachalker
"Seriously? No, you don't get to keep wedding gifts when there's no wedding."
"You should be going on that trip instead of them if it can't be refunded. Your mother should know better than this, and I bet she does, except she is favoring your sister." - Worldly_Act5867
"There's a similar concept known as fraud, where people plan weddings, collect gifts and contributions, but ultimately cancel the wedding while keeping the received items..."
"It sounds like your sister is one of those people. If I were you, I'd do my best to stay away from her and her future schemes." - Vicoiin
"NTA for asking, but anyone who refuses is a huge AH. Sounds like this was the plan all along, without a wedding they had zero right to ask for all the freebies, so they faked a planned wedding, with zero intention of warning even her own sibling."
"Betting your a**hat mom was in on it as a co-conspirator. How much is mommie dearest out of pocket, hmmm? Do you realize you and all the other guests can sue these toxic a**hats? You should start a scammer investigation on them all." - Dont-Blame-Me333
"This was so gross of both of them. I hope Mr. and Mrs. Scammity Scamface enjoy never receiving gifts from their friends or family for the rest of their lives after this. Definitely NTA." - hippiespinster
Others agreed and reassured the OP that they were right to ask for the money back.
"NTA, it was a scam. If you purchased the tickets and paid for the hotel, just call and cancel, not tell your sister. You do not need an expensive holiday to validate your love." - No_Cockroach4248
"If the wedding is canceled, the gift should be returned or refunded, especially since it was specifically for their honeymoon."
"It's standard etiquette even when a marriage ends within the first year, and it's fair for you to ask for the tickets or the money back. It's not about being petty, it's just reasonable considering the circumstances OP. NTA." - valkyrierl_
"NTA. Your sister and her boyfriend should call everyone and offer to return the gift given to the couple. Some will say not to worry about it, but others, like you, OP, should get your money back. Or at least the tickets so you can enjoy what you paid for."
"This is also the etiquette rule for when marriages end in the first year. In this case, no wedding, no prezzies." - BigCoffeePot999
"Wedding canceled? Okay, honeymoon refunded. It's common sense, not a personal attack. NTA." - sweetycinnamonroll
"NTA. No wedding, no gift. That's why it's called a 'wedding gift.' You don't get a wedding gift sans wedding." - PlentyHopeful263
"Can you cancel the trip since you paid for it and get a refund?"
"Or change the booking into your name so you get the trip if it's nonrefundable?"
"This is if you paid with a credit card and didn't give her cash." - fancy_underpantsy
"NTA. She owes you the money for the trip, or you cancel it, and she pays you back for the lost deposits. If she doesn't, take her to small claims court for fraud, especially if you can find out if she ever really booked the venue. She sounds like a big liar." - cajunjoel
"Yikes. I would go no contact with your sister. Your mother is catering to her, which I suspect has been going on for your sister's entire life. NTA. Wish you could cancel her flights and hotel reservations, though." - Bandie909
"It is customary to return gifts if the wedding does not take place. No one should have to ask for their gift to be returned. The sister is grifty."
"It's like Judge Judy says about engagement rings: they are a gift given in anticipation of marriage, and if there is no marriage, the engagement ring is returned unless the giver declines. How would wedding gifts given in advance not follow the same logic?"
"OP might have given cash for a venue instead and when that refund comes through, it's not for the person who canceled, it's for the person who offered to pay for the canceled event. Anyone who pulls this kind of switcheroo is a scam artist swindling their own family." - ScowlyBrowSpinster
"You shouldn't have to ask because the custom in Western society is to return wedding gifts when the wedding is canceled."
"If you're not hurting financially, I'd tell your sister that you hope she's returning the rest of the gifts she was given, and you'll trust her to save the money you gave her for her honeymoon for when she actually gets married, because you've already given her the wedding gift for her first wedding, regardless of when that wedding happens."
"Also, NTA. Your sister sounds awful." - Whisky-and-tiaras
"NTA. Tell her she's to repay you in full by the end of the week or you will sue her. Tell her that she can't cancel a wedding and expect to keep the gifts. They were a wedding present and with no wedding, the legality is the presents given with the expectation of a wedding need to be returned."
"Tell her that you will not be shamed for her being a selfish greedy a**hole and that you can waste her money by taking her to court, but she broke the expected contract when giving a wedding gift, and as such she is legally responsible to pay it back and not use it."
"Point out that a court will find in your favor and the nominal charge to do this will be far less for you than her stealing from you."
"Tell your mum you're disgusted by her trying to gaslight and manipulate you to even suggest you're being selfish and that it's disgusting how differently she treats you both. Say you expect a full apology or her to stay the heck away from you and to never try this crap with you again."
"Tell her that you're sure everyone will be interested to know your sister announced a fake wedding intent on canceling as soon as they got the presents just to steal them and manipulate and trick her family and friends." - Sweet-Interview5620
Not only did the subReddit accuse the OP's sister of scamming them, but they also believed that this had been the plan from the very beginning.
Instead of needing a wedding day and a marriage license to "validate their love," it seems this couple needed gifts and an expensive vacation to confirm their connection instead.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp