Redditor throwawayaita172021 is a 27-year-old woman who lives with two flatmates.
One of them has very "conservative strict" parents who were planning to visit.
To prepare for their arrival, the roommate had requested for the other roommates to temporarily hide certain items that would reveal their LGBTQ lifestyle.
But no amount of hiding could prevent the drama to come.
When things went south, the Original Poster visited the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit and asked:
"AITA for getting angry at my flatmate's parents and kicking them out?"
The OP wrote:
"I have two flatmates: 'Ben' (24 male) and 'Kate' (25 female)."
"This week Kate's very conservative strict parents have come over for a visit and she asked us to hide all alcohol, cigarettes, films with mature content etc., not wear any revealing or very casual clothes and stop bringing our same-sex partners over for that period of time because they won't appove of that."
"l just went along with it since it's only one week."
"The first few days of her parents' visit go by fine, we simply tried to avoid them. But when I came home from work today, thay have gone through my room and found stuff that Kate asked me to hide and some other things."
"They immediately started lecturing me on how I have no decency and am going to hell."
"I calmly said that they have no right snoop through other people's private space and should put the things back."
"Of course they tell me that I should 'respect my elders.' I kept trying to explain that my life is none of their business and if they're offended by the fact that I smoke and date a woman, that's their problem and they accused me of disrespecting their religion."
"After I told them that that's not religion, it's just being a piece of rubbish, a huge argument escalated."
"During the fight, Kate arrives and they immediately tell her that she can't live with 'unholy' flatmates like Ben and me and they want her to move back in with them."
"At this point I lose it and scream at them to pack their stuff and be gone in half an hour and threaten to call the police when they refuse."
"Afterwards Kate told me that this incident might have ruined her relationship with her family because they might cut her off if she doesn't move back home which she definitely doesn't want to do."
"I just remained silent because all I could think was 'the rubbish took itself out' and I of course couldn't say that to her."
"I feel like I have overreacted even though Kate's parents shouldn't have gone in my room.
"AITA?"
"As it turns out her dad is also Indian if that matters."
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not wrong for kicking out Kate's parents.
"NTA, not by a long shot! Parents going through their child's ROOMMATES belongings? What kind of bat sh*t crazy people do this?"
"Your reaction was completely understandable, if not justified. I feel for the poor girl who had the unfortunate privilege to be born to them, but perhaps this is a good thing for her - it gives her an excuse to go NC, get out from under their thumb.z' – Dramatic_Grocery_105
"What?? You're 27. You don't have to answer to your parents let alone someone else's."
"Kate has to make decisions for herself. You are not responsible for her relationship with her parents and what happens next. NTA."– PepperJazzlike371
"They went through your personal private belongings, in your own home, they insulted you, told you that you were somehow disrespecting their religion by going about your life when they are total strangers and you even tried to hide the objectionable things from them so as to not offend them."
"and then they tried to basically force your flatmate (their daughter) from your flat after THEIR bad behavior. Seems quite reasonable to me to kick them out after that."
"Your flatmate might be fine with their behavior and want to go along with it but it ultimately was not her privacy that was violated, and not her that was disrespected."
"She also invited them to stay in your flat knowing they had these extreme views and would do something like this if they found out, how can she expect you to accept shit from them like that when you have every right to be yourself in your own home??"
"NTA." - nowletmejudgeyou
"Definitely not TA ! Who do they think they are? Your parents ? coming into YOUR home and going through your room as if they have the obligation to do so?"
"You're definitely right thinking that the trash took itself out." - brxwni
"10000% NTA. My only advice is to be supportive of Kate right now as she might need it after hopefully cutting off those toxic a**holes." - houseofreturn
"NTA. Jesus Christ, that is your HOME. I'd kick them out right on their a**es!!"
"Kate needs to stop enabling this behavior, even though it's very hard and unfortunately does not end well.... But this is your Home, that you help pay for."
"You played their game to shut them up and then they disrespected you. kate has got to set firm boundaries." – Crazyhowthatworks304
"NTA!! They have absolutely no right to go through your things while staying in your home."
"I feel bad that Kate has parents like this and she has to hide her true self from them or be cut off. However, her relationship with her parents is not your fault nor your responsibility."
"You tried to respect them and their beliefs and in return they blatantly disrespected you and your beliefs. They can kick rocks." – mygoldenrubes
It's a shame the incident caused tension between Kate and her parents enough for them to consider cutting her off.
And while the OP thinks she may have overreacted, a majority of Redditors believe her behavior was warranted after the parents violated her privacy.















Trans Man Considers Breaking Off Engagement After Fiancé Wants Him To Wear A Dress For Wedding
KimJane Photography/GettyImages
A lot of people often say, "Believe people when they tell you who they are the first time."
It's one of life's truest (and ignored) sayings.
Believe a person when they are drunk and spew words as well.
Often, a few drinks will help a person let loose on how they really feel.
And then take note.
Redditor dude-e23 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Hi, I'm sorry for the potentially bad English; it's not my first language anyway."
"I'm a 26-year-old male who recently got engaged to my fiancè, a 28-year-old male."
"For the sake of the story, I'm going to call him Mark."
"I'm a trans man, and this will be relevant to the story."
"Mark and I have been going out for 4 years, and I wasn't on testosterone when we met, and only started recently."
"Mark had never had any issues with my gender identity; he always respected my pronouns and my gender, or so I thought."
"Recently, we were over at his parents' when the topic of the wedding planning came up."
"His mom asked about our wedding outfits, and Mark, who was a bit drunk at this point, said, 'I want to put (my name) in a dress so SHE can be prepared for HER future wifey duty.'"
"I was stunned, and I could see how uncomfortable his mom was."
"I said we were leaving and took Mark home."
"It happened yesterday, and I'm genuinely thinking of breaking it off."
"I've struggled a lot with my identity, and a big part of my family cut me off after my coming out."
"Right now, Mark is at work, and I pretended to be asleep when he left, but now I can't stop overthinking small details like how he used some feminine term in bed or how he always hated when I cut my hair short."
"But maybe he thought it was funny, and he was too drunk to realize what he was saying."
The OP was left to wonder:
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.
"Yeah, so it turns out that this isn't the case."
"Please don't marry him."
"He fundamentally doesn't respect who you are."
"And to be honest, this would be a disturbing enough statement if you were a woman."
"You can't tie yourself down to this person." ~ HighRiseCat
"Yes! It would still be icky and questionable for him to say this if OP presented as a CIS female - but the fact that OP is a trans man makes it horrifying. WTF?!" ~ MarionberryOk2874
"NOR. I'm a cisgender, heterosexual married woman, so my experience with dating is very different from yours, but if my fiancé said 'She will be wearing a modest dress to get used to life as a married woman' or 'She needs to wear a low cut dress, so I can see what I'm buying' or anything along those lines, I would have called it off quickly."
"The dismissal of your identity is problematic as hell, but so is the little hint that married life will be radically different and not in a lovely, better way."
"Your wedding attire should reflect you, your identity, your values, comfort, and inspire confidence."
"You deserve that."
"Everyone deserves that." ~ ankareeda
"NOR, have a direct conversation with him about this, and don't get legally entangled with him."
"He shouldn't be thinking this is funny anyway; drunkness is not an excuse here, you're his partner of many years." ~ Fit_Square1322
"If these things that he says are coming out when he's drunk, that probably means he's thinking about these issues of your gender presentation, but he's not telling you what he's thinking."
"He sounds very emotionally immature and not ready for marriage." ~ GreenDirt2
"Bro, drunk words are sober thoughts with the volume turned up."
"Thought it was funny isn’t a defense."
"It’s a confession."
"He told his mom who he actually thinks you are."
"You survived your family cutting you off to live as you."
"You don’t owe anyone a second round of that grief because your fiancé can’t handle pronouns after 4 years." ~ BabydolllVibess
"Oh, my God??!!"
"Dude, that’s crazy. Please dump his as*."
"He clearly doesn’t see you as a man, and if you marry him, you’re resigning yourself to a life of being misgendered, and he’s probably gonna try and detransition you or feminize you (seeing as he wants you to wear a DRESS)."
"Also, I’m a trans dude, and I think it’s important that you hear a fellow trans man say this."
"You need to leave."
"You’re a man, and it’s insane that he’s trying to make you feel like you aren’t."
"The breakup will probably suck, but if you stay with him, it’ll be 100x worse." ~ mothmn_9
"NOR, I’ve learned drunk people usually speak more honestly than they mean to."
"I’d guess his mask slipped off; this is certainly grounds for leaving if he can’t accept who you are as you are." ~ Defiant_Tea_8722
"You’re not overreacting."
"I don’t think he actually respects you and who you are as a person."
"He called you feminine things all throughout your relationship."
"Maybe he never accepted you, and I’m sorry."
"I know that's a lot, but I know you will find someone who actually respects you and cares for you truly." ~ Due_Classic_4090
"Some people would tell you that people say things they don’t mean when they’re drunk. I think that’s BS."
"In my experience, it just removes their filter, and everything they say has an underlying truth to it."
"Knowing your gender identity and what you prefer, his words seem very disrespectful towards you and inconsiderate of your feelings, and being drunk isn’t a good enough excuse."
"If you have doubts, don’t just brush them off; trust your gut." ~ Kitchen_Process_8351
"NOR."
"I’m a cis woman, but my first serious relationship was with a trans man."
"Frankly, he was abusive, and I don’t even like or respect him, but still I would NEVER misgender him, because I sincerely understand that he’s a man."
"And I’m not an a**hole."
"Your partner is an a**hole." ~ tigalicious
"NOR. That’s a major breach of trust."
"Your relationship has gone on long enough for him to know that sh*t isn’t cool and is not a matter to joke over, even if he’s drunk (unless he has a drinking problem, in which case he needs to address that before marriage and work to make amends)." ~ Moist_Drippings
"NOR. It sounds like he might be counting on your gender identity to be 'just a phase' and that after the marriage, he’ll expect you to embody the 'wifely' role fully."
"He isn’t taking you seriously as a man, and it doesn’t sound like he’s actually on board for a homosexual marriage."
"Get out of there!" ~ Amwfgoddess
"NOR. My biggest concern is the potential for abuse - wifey duty?"
"Not even a conservative man says something like that."
"It's a pure trash statement."
"My first marriage was to an addict... 'DRUNKEN WORDS ARE SOBER THOUGHTS!'"
"😔 I'm so sorry. 🫂" ~ pashinates
OP returned with an UPDATE:
"I dont know if this is how you update, but anyway..."
"Mark and I are done."
"He came home from work an hour and a half ago, and I made him dinner so we could eat and talk."
"I told him what he said deeply hurt me, that I felt like he didn't respect me and saw me as a woman."
"He said that until recently he always saw me as a man, even though I'm the more feminine side (whatever that means), but since I've started taking testosterone, he realized he was less attracted to me and started to resent me."
"Which is f**king weird because my appearance didn't even change that much, and that he needed to take the 'lead' of the relationship again."
"By then, I had heard enough."
"I made it clear we were done and that this type of behavior was not okay and that it'll never be okay."
"That he had to go to therapy and work on his insecurities, but that I couldn't stay with him."
"At this point, he was apologizing and almost pleading with me to stay, but I really did not want to stay, so I took all my essentials and called my friend."
"I'm currently waiting for her to pick me up."
"I'm so confused about how someone I loved so much could betray me like that."
"I'll ask my friend and her husband if they can go back to take my other stuff later on because I really don't want to see him."
"I'm safe, my friend set me up in the guest bedroom, and I'm so grateful I have her."
"Mark and his family have been blowing up my phone."
"His mom, bless her heart, has only asked how I was and said that no matter what, she'll always see me as her son and that she's sorry about Mark's behavior, but his dad and brother have been sending me very insulting texts that included slurs."
"Mark threatened to 'go get me,' but luckily, he doesn't know where my friend lives."
"Honestly, I don't even recognize the man I was with."
"I'm thinking about moving to another city where I could live with my cousin until I'm back on my feet, but that's a whole other story."
"I'm planning to keep in contact with Mark's mom, and I'll be meeting up with her on Thursday."
"Thank you so much for opening my eyes and for making me realize Mark's behavior was not normal."
This is such a heartbreaking story.
So sorry you had to go through this, OP.
Reddit is loudly 1000% with you.
It's wonderful that you have love and support.
Stay strong.