Content Warning: Sexual Harassment
It’s an incredibly kind gesture to invite someone to stay with us in our home while they’re going through a tough time in their life.
That doesn’t mean we’re inviting all of their friends, though, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Yourlocaredditor19 had no problem with her sister-in-law inviting friends over, until one of them blatantly started hitting on her husband.
But when she tried to talk to her sister-in-law about it, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked when her sister-in-law did not agree with her.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my sister-in-law her friend is no longer allowed over because she wears revealing clothes around my husband?”
The OP invited her sister-in-law (SIL) into her home.
“I (23 [Female]) have a husband (24 [Male]).”
“He has a sister (25 [Female]) who he’s extremely close to. She and I have gotten along since my husband first introduced me to her, and I actually consider her my sister.”
“Recently, she has started living with us.”
“She was supposed to get married to her fiancée but last second, he canceled the wedding and she had nowhere to live since he was her support system financially. We took her in while she gets back up on her feet.”
Everything was fine until one of the SIL’s friends started visiting a lot.
“Well, since she lives with us, we allow her to bring over her friends.”
“One friend (24 [Female]) in particular sleeps over a lot. I don’t really mind since SIL’s room is in the attic and her friend doesn’t really come out of her room often.”
“I have noticed, though, that when my husband is out and she comes out of the attic, she would wear big hoodies and long baggy pants.”
“But as soon as my husband comes back, she’ll go back up to the attic and come back wearing booty shorts and a basically transparent shirt which shows everything.”
The OP was shocked after her husband came to her with some news.
“I thought I was overreacting and didn’t do anything about it, but the other day my husband came to me shaking.”
“When I asked him what was wrong, he basically cried to me that he felt extremely uncomfortable and angry.”
“When I asked for a reason, he said that every time SIL’s friend comes over, she literally flirts nonstop with him when no one is around.”
“Once apparently she even took off her pants, and when he told her not to, she said that she just needed some air.”
“The reason why he was so upset this time was because a few minutes earlier, she had tried to grab his hand. My husband hates physical touch with anyone he’s not comfortable with, hence that was a breaking point for him.”
The couple tried to talk to OP’s sister-in-law about it.
“After a long discussion between us two, we told SIL how we didn’t want her friend over anymore because she was making us both uncomfortable.”
“SIL freaked out, saying that it wasn’t her friend’s fault that my husband ‘was attracted to her’ and started saying we were both some sexist assholes.”
“I feel really bad honestly, I’m a big women’s activist, and this has really made me feel like a sexist woman.”
“Also SIL refuses to look at me now and I’m scared our relationship is ruined.”
“I also feel bad because I know SIL’s friend was a big support system for her during these hard times and I might have taken that away from her.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed the friend was blatantly sexually harassing the OP’s husband.
“NTA, this ‘friend’ is sexually harassing your husband. It has less to do with what she chooses to wear and much more to do with her unwillingness to respect personal space and take a no. It’s not sexist in the slightest.”
“Would you at all accept a man coming in, taking off his pants, and touching someone against their will? It’s the same for her.” – Low_Consequence_1553
“It’s disheartening to see OP question herself over this scenario because sexual harassment can 100% be committed by a woman against a man, and calling out that behavior is not being sexist or going against feminism!”
“OP is NTA and both she and her husband should not be subjected to this behavior in their own home.” – tulipbunnys
“The sister is basically saying something along the lines of ‘he wants it’ when arguing that it’s not the friend’s fault he is ‘attracted to her.’ It’s somehow his fault.”
“It doesn’t matter whether he has an aversion to physical touch or not. He has said he does not like her antics or her touching him, he’s said he wants her to stop, has asked her to stop, and that it’s making him uncomfortable.”
“Those should be enough, whether it’s a man or a woman asking for the behavior to stop.” – erikaaldri
“Are you serious? This woman is SEXUALLY HARASSING your husband and you’re worried that you’re sexist because you said that she can’t go to your house anymore and SEXUALLY HARASS your husband?”
“Do you really mean to tell me that if you had a sibling and their male friend took his pants off in front of you because it was too hot and tried to touch without consent that your husband would come here asking if he was betraying every man in the world because he told him he wasn’t welcome anymore?”
“Wake up, OP.” – roguishevenstar
Others agreed and wondered if it was time for the sister-in-law to move out.
“Quite the opposite – freedom from unwanted sexual attention has been a core value of feminism since the beginning. Therefore, calling it out is the feminist thing to do.”
“NTA OP, and if your husband’s sister is gonna call you names and make you uncomfortable in your own home I’d urge you to seriously consider whether this living arrangement should come to an end.” – Announcement90
“The sister is literally brushing off sexual harassment against her brother. That is absolutely sickening, and I wouldn’t want anyone living in my home, blood-related or not, who dismisses sexual harassment like that.”
“NTA OP.” – TroLLageK
“I was gonna say that the friend is the true sexist in the scenario, because she’s sexually harassing him and expecting him to tolerate it because she’s a woman and he’s a man.”
“Either SIL no longer allows her friend in the home, or OP and husband kick SIL out. Those are the only options to protect the husband. NTA.” – wilderchai
“NTA. She can’t hide behind feminism and cry sexism when she and her friend are being the AHs. Does SIL really like OP it does she want her friend to be his wife? The friend should respect their marriage.”
“SIL may have worn out her welcome.” – MadScientistCoder
The OP thought that she might have been overreaching in her reaction to what her sister-in-law’s friend did, but the subReddit insisted that was ridiculous.
The evidence that her husband was being harassed was glaring, and second-guessing herself because the offender was a woman was a serious disservice to his husband and to be a true feminist.