Many people have problems with their roommates, but what happens when the roommates aren't the problem but the neighbors are?
Redditor Lanky-Studio5874 would be the one to ask.
The Original Poster's (OP's) current neighbors drove her to subReddit "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA).
She asked:
"AITA for telling my neighbor that my roommates and I aren't babysitters ?"
She went on to tell her story.
I [20-year-old female] share an apartment with Casey [24-year-old male] , Nellie [19-year-old female] and Hannah [21-year-old female] along with Hannah's 8-month-old daughter."
"The issue at hand concerns our neighbors."
"John [30-year-old male] and his wife Jane [25-year-old female] have a set of twins that are a year old."
"So sometimes, Hannah and they will have a playdate with the younger ones. But recently, they've been using the play dates as a way to dump their kids on Hannah and the rest of us."
"Sometimes for hours without answering the phone ."
"Now, I love kids and would be more than happy to babysit them. But, we are all either working, in college, or both."
"So more often we've either been late to class or work cause we can't contact John or Jane."
"Yesterday, the four of us were preparing to go out for lunch and get some shopping done."
"As we were leaving, John stopped us and said he needed Hannah to watch his kids while he went out to see a movie."
"I told him we aren't babysitters, and if they [leave] the kids with us again without answering. We'd call social services, to which he called a bunch of spineless leeches."
"The other parents in the complex said that we were harsh to new parents and to have more compassion."
"Edit: all the names are fake and not even close to what they are in real life"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
"He called you leeches? Project much."
"Tell those parents in the complex that you'll tell John they have volunteered to watch his kids."
"NTA." - AffectionateCable793
"NTA."
"The neighbors are being TA."
"Hannah is a new parent too."
"Anyone saying you need "more compassion" and to "be less harsh" is welcome to, and should, go randomly get taken advantage of to watch the kids for hours with no notice."
"That's ridiculous. You did great attending up politely and clearly for your group." - Global_Loss6139
"Spineless leeches?!?"
"Ha ha… that's really funny coming from someone who is actually leeching."
"NTA." - Wobblingoblin01
"NTA"
"Lol at the other parents in the complex calling them 'new parents' - what's Hannah then?"
"Also, I bet all the other parents are older than you guys and thought they could exploit you because of that. Good on you for shutting that sh*t down." - Lisbei
"NTA. It's completely unacceptable for parents to be unreachable for hours even when someone is being paid to watch their children, let alone dumping them on a neighbor."
"They do deserve a break, and they can hire a babysitter to do so. You were far too polite, in my opinion. Good for you for putting an end to this exploitation." - Nelsie020
"NTA"
"'he called a bunch of spineless leeches'"
"Bold words from someone who dumps their kids on unsuspecting neighbors and won't answer their phone."
"Also that he expected you to drop your plans so he could watch a movie." - Kettlewise
"NTA. They wanted a baby. They need to figure out childcare without inconveniencing neighbors." - hardcandy8923
"NTA"
"You did the right thing. Your neighbors have sh*tty boundaries."
"While it may cause Hannah's baby some upset (although at eight months old I'm sure she'll forget them pretty quickly), I would find her a different playdate as they will continue to do this." - Opposite-Guide-9925
"'While it may cause Hannah's baby some upset (although at 8 months old I'm sure she'll forget them pretty quickly)'"
"she has no idea they even exist. It will not cause any upset. They do not play together at this age."
"They will absolutely interact a bit in like a daycare setting, but they are not "playing together" at this age at all."
"It's like 24 months before they even engage in "parallel play" which is where they play side by side & observe each other."
"tl;dr there is literally no benefit to these play dates except for parental socialization at this age."
"if you do not like the parents you are play-dating with, stop doing it as the kid doesn't really know/benefit/care." - SuddenSeasons
"Hahaha, you're the leech because you won't give them free child care? NTA, but I'd just stop dealing with them."
"If they get mad over that, then I'm sure they will only cause you more drama in the future." - Independent-Idea1278
"'Sometimes for hours without answering the phone"
"This is the line that concerns me the most. What if there's an accident and the kids need treatment?"
"There would be a lot of questions as to why they didn't answer. NTA. Stop having play dates with these people." - west_of_edem
"'So more often we've either been late to class or work cause we can't contact John or Jane.'"
"NTA Once it became obvious that these parents were taking advantage of you and had no regard for your needs, you had no obligation to sugar-coat the truth."
"And those other people who think you need to have more compassion? Yeah, they can lead by example and be John and Jane's free babysitters." - Due_Laugh_3852
"NTA. The effin leeches are John and Jane."
"D*mn these people why even have kids if they're going to pass them on to others because they can't handle them or need a break."
"For the parents in the complex, they should step up to the plate and watch the leeches twins from now on." - Teani2003
"NTA, you have lives and obligations as well, and you stood your ground and called them out for taking advantage of you guys."
"Stand your ground the next time they try to pull this stunt too." - JaThatOneGooner
"NTA"
"Having compassion does not mean you compromise your own life for the sake of someone else."
"'As we were leaving, John stopped us and said he needed Hannah to watch his kids while he went out to see a movie"
"Hell no! Take your kids with you or watch the movie in your own place. My god, the entitlement of some people slays me!" - whoops53
"OP - Set up a Ring doorbell to document the doorstep convos with John. Not only to catch the possible drop and run. But in case he retaliates and calls CPS on Hannah." - iwishiwasjosiesmom
"OP, you're not legally responsible for them, and if something were to happen while they were in your care, you're basically screwed."
"Any future discussion regarding the twins just needs to be relayed that for potential liability reasons, you're unable not to do them any more favors of babysitting and just move on and explain that to the complex busybodies if they press the issue."
"No one likes the law involved when it comes to children." - NumbersGuy22
"NTA"
"Being 20's, childfree and pursuing your own life is a valid choice. Just like their choice to have a child."
"If you didn't live there and it was me, a 60-year-old man, do you think they'd be asking me? I really, really doubt it."
"There is some stereotyping happening here, along with some expectations of you simply because you're a woman."
"Personally, going to see a movie and wanting childcare without notice is pretty d*mn selfish."
"If they had an emergency or if they asked with reasonable notice AND it was convenient for one of you, that's one thing, but not being able to say no is unrealistic, and creating drama within the building over it is immature and petty."
"That alone would be a permanent nope from me." - Nearly_Pointless
"???? NTA YOU'RE the spineless leeches? because you refused to let them dump their kids on you while they vanish into the ether? ya, YOU GUYS are the leeches in this situation" - Fiigwort
"NTA, they kids are a year old. They are not new parents."
"This was not an emergency. He wanted to go see an f---ing movie. Sorry, but you had plans."
"For the next person that says you were an AH ask for their contact info as you will hand it over so that they can babysit." - Crazybutnotlazy1983
"I will never understand why people have kids if they don't want to be a parent." - GingerMau
"NTA"
"They need to learn how to raise their own kids before these two will end up losing them" - Kitsumekat
The OP went on to post an update.
"We called CPS on John and Jane. We've also agreed to avoid them and not answer the door if it's them. Finally, we plan on moving soon since our lease is up soon."
Hopefully, these parents step up before the kids get any older or before the authorities are forced to intervene.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.