Most of us are taught at a very young age that "sharing is caring."
And indeed, those who are lucky to be well off often eagerly share their wealth and privilege with those less fortunate in some capacity.
Particularly if the latter category includes their friends and family.
However, those who do so do it from the kindness of their own hearts, as this can't be forced on them.
Nor should it necessarily be expected.
The brother-in-law (BIL) of Redditor Low-Assistant-4712 had fallen on somewhat hard times and continued to look for easy solutions to his problems.
While he continued to have no luck in his efforts, the original poster (OP) unexpectedly came into a sizable amount of money.
Money, his BIL, as well as the rest of his family, expected him to share with them, something he flatly refused.
After being called "selfish" for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH For not sharing my Lottery scratch off winnings with my Sister and Brother in law?"
The OP explained how his apparent good luck quickly put him at odds with the rest of his family:
"Hi I'm 33 M[ale]."
"To make this short and readable, my elder sister lets her husband spend anywhere from $400 to even $800 a month on scratch off tickets."
"He buys the $20 and $50 tickets."
"At the same time as he does that, both he and my sister will complain to other family members and anyone that will listen that they are 'struggling financially'."
"Now to the meat of the actual AITAH."
"My brother in law 35M, road with me to a gas station."
"Once there, he proceeded to waste $520 on scratch offs, which were all duds."
"Seeing me silently judge him, he told me to stop being a stick in the mud and buy a ticket."
"So I pulled a single dollar bill out, and bought the Halloween themed scratch off."
"This all took place in October 2025."
"As I was lamenting to him on how much money he wastes every month, I finish scratching off the ticket only to find out one of my matching numbers was above a $10k winning."
"Upon further inspection, I'd forgotten to scratch the 'double' area."
"When I did it came up '2X' to which the kind cashier confirmed it meant I had won $20K."
"My brother-in-law immediately cycled through emotions before demanding I hand the ticket over for him to see, then making a scene in the gas station when I asked to borrow a pen and started filling out the back of the card."
"From there, chaos rained down on me, as not only did my brother-in-law but my sister as well attempted to gaslight me into ' at least' splitting the winnings with them."
"I told them no."
"Fast forward a few days and now my parents whom are in their late 60's are gaslighting me into forking over $10k of the lottery winnings."
"I tell them no."
"Fast forward again, and in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner at my Parents place."
"They, along with my sister, brother-in-law, and my other siblings, start verbally cornering me about money."
"Now not only do still want the $10K from me, but my other siblings want some as well."
"With my eldest brother attempting to convince me to pay for a family vacation."
"I again turn them all down, which of course turns into everyone calling me selfish, and a88hole, amongst other colorful words."
"So am I the A88hole for not forking over my scratch off winnings?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**Hole for refusing to share their winnings with their family:
Everyone agreed that as the OP paid for the lottery ticket himself, he had every right to do whatever he so chose with the money:
"NTA."
"You bought the ticket with your money, you get the winnings."
"Be sure to tell BIL that he's been doing it wrong all these years, and that's why he doesn't win."
"You have to buy 1 -$1 ticket, not 20 -$20 tickets."- el_grande_ricardo
"NTA."
"Tell them you donated it to charity for the tax write off."- koffeecup8469
"Obviously NTA, none of these people have any claim on your winnings."- Daddinator1701
"Lol."
"NTA."
"It’s refreshing to read about someone said no and sticking to what they said."
"Imagine calling someone a selfish a**hole while being greedy selfish a**holes."
"People in glass houses and all that sh*t."
"After taxes which is about 40% means you will get $12k."
"So they expect you to share $12k with two bums who have wasted way more than $12k on lottery tickets?"
"Then fund another idiots family vacation?"
"Again with $12k?"
"All of them, including your parents, are financially illiterate and greedy AF."
"We all know had they won they wouldn’t give you a thin dime."- Ok_Tonight_3703
"20k isn’t f* you money."
"It’s enough to get ahead a bit and have some safety net."
"NTA, don’t give them any money."- Altruistic_Storage_3
"Tell them you used it to pay off somz cc debts or study loans or car paiements (whatever) and you still have some debts left."
"As they wanted to be part of your earnings, ask them if they want to help you pay off your debts?"
"NTA."
"Your money."- Puzzled-Dream1321
"Are they slow, you paid for the ticket, you won, it's your money."- WestStrength2719
"Tell them the best way to get $10k is to not spend $500 on lottery tickets a few times."
"Obviously your brother-in-law has a gambling problem, so enabling that would make you an a**hole."- noirrespect
"NTA."
"Tell this the money is gone."
"You used it all on lottery tickets."- mltrout715
"If they were decent, I would take them out to a nice dinner at your expense."
"I wouldn’t give them a cent."
"Congratulations!"- Southern_Gur9825
"NTA at all."
"Your family are all classless vultures."
"Don't give them a damn thing."- Josefu_Velen
"NTA."
"This is why it's recommended to not let people know you've won anything."
"Too bad BIL was there when you won."
"They're acting like you've hit the jackpot when you're probably going to end up with $10-12k after taxes."
"A nice amount, but not enough for a family vacation or to share if you're wanting to actually do anything with your winnings."
"I agree with another commentor to tell them you donated it."
"I'd go the 'I didn't want money to tear the family apart' route."
"In fact, after their appalling greed I wouldn't get them gifts in the future."
"Just make a donation in their name to a charity instead."
" Use the money how you want."- ApprehensiveBook4214
"It’s funny how everyone else knows what YOU should do with your winnings."
"Nobody has your best interest at heart."
"Nobody suggested you save it or buy something you’ve always wanted."
"They want their share."
"You are NOT the ah."- Antique-Nose-5604
"Your bro-in-law and wife are gambling addicts and pissed off you won right off the bat."
"They would spend 10k on scratch offs then ask you for more money."
"Give them nothing."
"Nothing will satisfy an addict, nothing."- Cactus_Flower_45
"Tell them you spent it all on $50 & $100 scratch offs."
"They were duds."
"That first winner locked you in, and you just didn’t realize how quick it added up."
"Really man, you were judgmental before, but now?"
"You completely understand why they’re so poor now."
"Then ask everyone for $20."- Not4Naught
"NTA."
"This is why i will never scratch off a ticket in front of someone."
"Even when bosses/coworkers give them out for Xmas or whatever ….. hell no."
"People are f*cking animals."
"You don’t owe them one f*cking cent."- Suspicious_Juice717
"Reminds me of my mom's best friend (gambling addict) telling my mom that she (my mom) needs to pay her ('friend') $2k for a ride home after the friend lost $5k and my mom won $10k on slots at the local casino."
"The 'friend' called my mom a 'f*cking bitch' when she hit the jackpot."
'The friendship went cold after that."- muphasta
Had the OP's BIL bought the lottery ticket, he would have a bit more of an argument.
But even then, if he bought the ticket, then gifted it to the OP, that still arguably makes the winnings the OP's as well.
Even so, the OP has learned what almost any major lottery winner learns soon enough, which is that money truly cannot buy happiness.
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her
In the search for comprehensive medical care, people may have tough conversations about their lifestyle, work, relationships, and other potential stressors.
But a doctor can only make so many decisions on behalf of their patient, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor _lucky96 was seeing the same doctor as her husband, so their doctor was aware of both of their medical histories and needs, including her having cerebral palsy.
But when the doctor brought up her condition during her husband's latest appointment and questioned their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and wanted to find a new medical care provider.
She asked the sub:
The OP had cerebral palsy and a full life.
"I have cerebral palsy. It mainly affects my walking, but I can walk independently and live a pretty normal life."
"My husband and I have been together for three years and have a blended family with five kids altogether. Three of my kids aren’t biologically his."
The OP and her husband just started seeing a new doctor.
"We’ve both recently started seeing the same general practitioner (GP)." I’ve seen him about three times now and generally thought he was helpful."
"I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough."
In the OP's eyes, the doctor crossed a line.
"Today, my husband had an appointment with the same doctor for stomach issues."
"During the appointment, mental health apparently came up as part of the discussion, but the appointment itself wasn’t for mental health."
"I wasn’t in the room because I was outside with our daughter. According to my husband, the doctor asked him, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, 'With her disability and five kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realise when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages.'"
"My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems."
"I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband 'took on' or as a future burden he’ll have to manage."
"The doctor also said, 'Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'"
The OP was upset about the conversation her husband shared.
"What bothers me most is that the conversation wasn’t even about me, and I wasn’t there to respond or provide any context."
"I feel like the comments reduced me to my disability rather than seeing me as a wife, parent, and person."
"Am I wrong for being upset by this and considering raising it with the clinic, or does this sound inappropriate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that the doctor's comments were highly inappropriate.
"That’s highly inappropriate. You are NOR." - Direction_Physical
"NOR. You are not overreacting at all. That was completely inappropriate and dehumanizing."
"You’re his patient’s wife, not his patient, while your husband is in that room. Bringing up your disability and five kids during your husband’s stomach appointment had nothing to do with his care."
"Saying you’re 'a lot to take on' and 'not many men would do what you do' frames your marriage like a charity case, and you like a burden instead of a partner."
"That’s ableist, unprofessional, and a violation of basic boundaries."
"It makes sense that you feel reduced to just your disability after hearing that."
"Raising it with the clinic is absolutely reasonable. You deserve a doctor who treats you as a whole person, not a problem for your husband to manage." - DaringDuvet
"This makes me so stabby. I’m non-verbal and have right-sided weakness."
"We were married 29 years before it happened, and the number of people who think my husband needs a medal and a parade for sticking around..."
"Don’t get me wrong. My husband is one of life’s truly good dudes. But seriously?" - sorenelf
"This is infuriating. He's a good man because he didn't ditch?"
"When my mum was diagnosed with cancer that wasn’t going to do the polite thing and get fixed, the amount of applause for my dad not leaving her was astounding."
"He was horrified at first, but that wore off pretty quickly, and he just started calling it out. That made quite a few people squirm in their own discomfort."
"It says a lot about someone who thinks a natural choice is to bail." - BasicLingonberry9914
"NOR in the slightest."
"Even if we assume good intent and the doctor wanted to make sure there are safety nets and supports in place for both of you, that has NOTHING to do with the question of why your husband married you."
"I would absolutely file a complaint, and if you both can, find another general practitioner." - ooooohcakepudding
"NOR. I have severe Aphakia, and if my specialist looked at my husband to remind him he's going to be growing old with someone who is likely going to go blind, I think I would die."
"My husband had been through h**l and back with me and my eyes long before we got married, so he knows what he signed up for. And it isn't the doc's place to sort out. Super duper unprofessional." - Global-Nature2420
"So at first, I thought you were overreacting. I am a mental health provider, and a doctor discussing stressors and very real-life situations happens all the time."
"The minute you added the part that 'not many men,' things changed. He took what could have been a normal conversation and changed it to his personal feelings, which is absolutely disgusting."
"NOR at all. I would file a complaint." - Trash_Human92
Others pointed out that it was an important conversation to have, though the doctor could have been more delicate.
"While tough, this isn't an inappropriate conversation to have if the stress is causing his health to deteriorate."
"The truth is not inappropriate. I think the way he worded it was a bit much, but not what he said."
"It appears to me the OP is not dealing with how her disability is not just about her, but everyone, etc. For example, my cancer was also stressing my loved ones out." - Total-Ad886f
"I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night due to my husband's health and lack of care. So when he finally started seeing someone in my same doctor's office (but not the same doctor), it was SO much better."
"My doc and the nurse have been really, really concerned about my mental health, so they were happy to hear that he's taking his health seriously and improving, because that means that I am sleeping more and my mental health is better, and that means my ability to manage my own chronic pain and health issues has been better."
"I was not coping at all and barely able to function." - popchex
"The doctor may have mentioned OP in the conversation with her husband if he was trying to ascertain if he had stressors that may contribute to his stomach issues. Sure, your spouse, children, work, and parents can be considered stressors at times in anyone’s life."
"For me, where he crossed the line was when he decided just how OP’s condition will impact the future."
"Firstly, OP is obviously capable of caring for everyone, including herself and children, with minimal, if any, assistance. As OP ages, more assistance may be required, but this may also be the case for her husband, too, as he ages. The responsibility of the children will not be a factor, as they are adults."
"So the doctor’s predictions are presumptive and unnecessary. Health is not guaranteed for anyone. We all will face various challenges to our physical abilities as we age."
"What I would take up with the clinic is why he felt it necessary to ask the husband why he married OP. To additionally state because of that, ‘He was a good man’ is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional."
"There is potential for an ongoing issue to arise if OP were to continue seeing this doctor. His bias toward her husband may very well influence any care she may need in the future. NOR." - Cool-Blackberry-785
"It doesn’t make sense because if your husband was talking about how stressed he was, why would the doctor bring up more reasons he should be stressed? Or if he didn’t seem stressed enough, is the doctor then going to be like, 'Consider how stressed you’ll be in X amount of years'?"
"It sort of sounds like he’s saying something like, 'Why would a man do that?'"
"The only exception I’d give is if your husband had some sort of health thing he’s completely ignoring, and the doctor was trying to give him a wake-up moment. Because then, they sort of have to be blunt to make you realize you need to prioritize your health. But simply being stressed isn’t enough to start saying, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"Whenever it’s women in your husband’s position, they just get told they’re an awesome rockstar. No one questions WHY they do it."
"NOR. You should find a doctor who makes you feel supported, and you feel is better overall."
"I wouldn’t make your husband change yet. It is hard to find doctors you like. Maybe when you establish with a better doctor, he’ll switch, too." - imwearingredsocks
Since the OP's husband went to the doctor to discuss stomach issues and likely how to remedy them, it's reasonable that the subject of possible stressors would come up, so the husband could avoid those stressors and improve his symptoms.
However, some Redditors felt that also including details about his marriage and fatherhood in the conversation was crossing a line, and while being a care provider to a spouse could be stressful, many felt it was being addressed from an ableist perspective instead.