Generosity is something that can be given… but never expected.
Even so, many people come to expect their friends and family to make truly generous offers and gifts.
Particularly friends who are clearly better off than they are.
In some cases, people not only expect this generosity but feel as if they are owed it.
Redditor NoDatabase10 recently came into some good luck.
Good luck which the original poster (OP)’s family felt he needed to share with them.
As they felt that they were more than responsible for his unexpected change of circumstance.
Wondering if he was being greedy, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to share my lottery winnings with my family, even though I used the family numbers?”
The OP explained why his family felt that he owed them:
“I (22 M[ale]) recently won a decent amount of money in the lottery.”
“Not a massive jackpot, but enough to be life changing for me: pay off debts, buy a small apartment, and invest a bit.”
“Now for the context.”
“In my family, there’s been an informal tradition for years.”
“On my grandma’s birthday, someone usually plays lottery numbers based on important family dates (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.).”
“Sometimes we play together, sometimes everyone plays on their own.”
“There has never been an explicit agreement that if someone wins, the money gets shared.”
“It was always treated as a fun tradition.”
“This time, I played alone, with my own money, but I used those dates (to be specific, grandma’s birthday day, month and year, my dad’s birthday day, and the day and month i graduated).”
“I won.”
“When I told my family at first, it was all celebration.”
“Then the comments started:”
“’These are family numbers’.”
“’Without the tradition, you wouldn’t have won’.”
“’It would only be fair to share, even just a little’.”
“Some relatives are genuinely struggling financially (unemployment, debt), others aren’t. I told them I’m not going to split the prize because:”
“I paid for the ticket myself.”
“There was never any agreement to share winnings.”
“If I had lost (like I did many times before), no one would have reimbursed me.”
“Money changes dynamics, and I don’t want to become the family ATM (not that i won enough to be called an ATM but you get it).”
“That said, I did offer to help in specific situations (like, helping with a small debt once or twice), but not to divide the prize.”
“This was seen as arrogant and selfish.”
“One aunt even said I ‘got rich off the family’.”
“Now part of my family isn’t speaking to me, and they’re treating me like I betrayed everyone.”
“My parents are split: they say I’m technically right, but that sharing would avoid conflict.”
“AITA for not sharing the winnings, even though I used numbers tied to my family?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not sharing his lottery winnings with his family.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP was in no way obligated to share their winnings, though most also agreed that it would have been wiser for the OP to keep his winnings a secret if he didn’t plan on sharing it with them:
“NTA.”
“But if you didn’t plan to share the wealth, why did you tell them?”
“The cardinal rule is keep mum about it or massively downplay how much you won.”- keeplauraweird
“NTA.”
“If they played ‘the family numbers’, they could have won too.”
“Let the gold diggers be mad, if you’re lucky, they may even block you.”- KaijuAlert
“NTA.”
“But you probably should’ve kept it a secret.”- toywithmaee
“Aaaaah money.”
“The biggest divider in this world.”
“Yeah.”
“You’re absolutely right on all accounts, your parents need to be asked why YOU are the one ‘keeping the peace’ while everyone else is an unapologetic jerk to you – THEY are rocking the boat, you aren’t.”
“NTA.”
“If that needs any clarification.”
“Congrats and keep the money for yourself.”- gameresse
“NTA.”
“Families like this are why so many lottery winners end up broke and why JG Wentworth has so many commercials.”
“Get yourself to a financial planner and CPA before you spend a cent on anyone, including yourself.”-ExtensionFun7772
“NTA.”
“This is like the people who get upset about someone ‘stealing’ their kid’s name.”
“Fuuuuuuuck off, you don’t own ‘Sarah’ or ‘Carl’!”
“They don’t own those numbers.”
“Those numbers can come up randomly FFS.”
“They SHOULD be happy for you.”
“One aunt even said I ‘got rich off the family’.”
“The family didn’t lose anything.”
“The family didn’t provide anything.”- Noun-Noun-randomNum
“NTA.”
“Now you are seeing why most people don’t share that they won the lottery.”- Sad-File3624
“You were foolish to tell people you won.”
“What you should have done is wait a few months and then said you used the numbers for that particular week by picking random numbers.”
“But hindsight is a great thing.”
“The fact that these people are not pleased for you and instead are demanding a share means not only are they greedy, but they are not putting you or your future first.”
“NTA.”
“We all walk our own path in life.”
“There was nothing stopping them from doing the numbers.”- Andagonism
“You used your grad date, is that part of the numbers?”
“If no, I’d argue that you used some family numbers but not all, and if they’d played that draw, they would not have won, therefore it is a different set of numbers.”
“To answer the question, NTA, and now you know their true colors.”
“None of us know how we’ll react until it happens.”- 2300abar
“NTA.”
“But stupid for telling your family anything.”
“Your family sucks, keep the money for yourself.”
“They will find a way to resent you if you help or not.”
“They are d*cks.”
“Make your life better and move on, cut ties if necessary.”- f*ckinjess
“NTA.”
“If I win £100 million on Euromillions, everyone I’m related to who talks to me gets a million or two minimum.”
“People I like or who are more closely related to me would get more.”
“If I win £100k it’s mine, no sharing.”- FoxedforLife
“NTA.”
“But money has already changed the dynamics.”
“’Family numbers’ is not a thing in the real world; they do not own those numbers.”
“If I had won this lottery money with your family’s numbers, would they come after me?”
“They can ask, but need to be able to accept ‘no’.”
“I do find it a bit tacky that they even asked, unless in real need, but it’s even tackier to make a fuss when the person says no.”
“Make sure you don’t give in to their guilt, they will keep coming back for more.”-Objective_Hawk_284
“NTA.”
“Most winners keep that they won to themselves for this exact reason.”
“Don’t give them money, unless you get a written, legally binding contract that they’ll pay you back or accept it as a one-time gift.”
“You don’t owe them money, Cover Your A**.”
“DO NOT agree to give any money to anyone, verbally or in writing.”- Resident-Priority-38
“NTA.”
“Next time don’t tell people how you won or if you can avoid it, that you won at all.”
“Money often brings problems.”- greentreemoss
“NTA.”
“Nothing brings out the worst in people like money.”
“Hopefully, they’ll see how unreasonable they’re being and back off.”
“If not, then I guess you learned a lot about who actually cares about you.”- Live_Koala2163
“NTA.”
“You bought the ticket, you won the prize.”
“Family is not entitled to your winnings.”- iiiamash01i0
“NTA.”
“You paid for it.”
“You chose the combination of numbers.”
“They don’t own the numbers and they didn’t pay for it.”
“You can choose to help but remember that once you open that floodgate, others will try to find ways to get some of that money too.”
“Learn the lesson now not to talk about money.”- Sensitive-Union-3944
The OP later returned with an update, offering some clarity as to why they chose to tell their family about their lottery win:
“Why did I tell them in the first place?”
“I didn’t see winning as creating any obligation to split the money, so it honestly didn’t occur to me that telling them would be an issue.”
“I told them out of transparency, not to tease or mislead anyone.”
“At the time, I genuinely expected them to be happy that the tradition worked for once, not to see it as something I owed them.”
“I would have told them regardless, even if the numbers had been completely random.”
“Now, after this whole thing and reading some of the comments, I’m not so sure I would.”
If the OP’s family had chipped in for the lottery ticket, then it would only be right that they partake in the winnings.
However, as this was a solitary purchase by the OP, it’s rather hard to see how any of them think they’re entitled to any of this money.
Even if the OP hadn’t used the “family numbers”, one imagines they wouldn’t have felt any less entitled to his money.