Most of us, at one time or another, have been in the awkward position of having to decline a family member’s request for help.
But for one woman on Reddit, the situation got downright creepy when she declined her sister’s request to be a surrogate mother for her.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by vavaavaav on the site, asked:
“AITA for changing my mind and telling my sister they can’t stay with me after some ‘jokes’ she made?”
She explained:
“To give some background, my sister cannot have kids. She has wanted a kid for a few years but doesn’t want one that doesn’t share the same DNA as her (her words). She asked me if i’d be willing to have a baby and give it to her and i said no.”
“So, my sister and her husband moved into my parents house as their house needs workin on. Shes said it would take 4-6 months before they could move back. My mom wanted to have a family dinner yesterday and had all of my siblings and i over.”
“Before dinner my sister asked if they could instead move in with us because it’s closer to BIL’s job than my parents home is and she didn’t want to live with my parents. I asked my bf if it was okay and we agreed to let them stay with us instead. That was until she started making ‘jokes’ during dinner that i seen as red flags.”
“They were along the lines of ‘you better hope i don’t hide your birth control and you end up getting preggo’ I kind of awkward laughed then she said ‘maybe i’ll poke a hole or two in your condoms’ by then i stopped laughing and started to feel off vibes. I tried to steer the conversation onto something else but she kept making the jokes.”
“I didn’t even last til the end of dinner and told her i changed my mind about them living with us because i didn’t like her ‘jokes’. They all said i’m overreacting and my bf backed me up and said it wasn’t funny. We left and since then my siblings and parents have been calling me a drama queen and said i blew it all out of proportion and i’m making it seem like my sister is a bad person. AITA?”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this conflict based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
As you might image in a story like this, they were pretty unanimously on OP’s side.
“NTA. They weren’t ‘jokes’ they were threats. She threatened to sabotage your birth control in order to force you into a unwanted/unplanned pregnancy which would leave you with two choices that you shouldn’t be forced to make because it would be a pregnancy that you had no hand in making true.”
“She wants to force you into a pregnancy so she could somehow get the baby from you. (I can see her calling CPS on you for the smallest things in order to force them to take the child away and place it with her.)”
“She showed you her true colors, believe her. Do NOT let her NEAR your house, and keep an extremely close eye on your condoms, birth control pills/patch/shot (whatever you use that isn’t a IUD basically) and never leave her alone if she has access.”
“They were NOT jokes, no one makes Jokes like that unless they have a mental disability in which they truly do NOT understand the impact this can have (meaning they hear people say it or its on TV etc, like they truly cannot understand the issue with htis), OR they have a hidden agenda.”
“She has a hidden agenda. She WILL do this if you let her near your house. Please don’t let her move in.” —AlyssaHargreaves
“This post made me increasingly grateful I had an IUD put in, NTA” —unknown_928121
“If I were OP I’d be binning any condoms she might have had access to before these ‘jokes’ and buying fresh ones. Just to be on the safe side.” —Acki90
“…I might have let one of these jokes slide. But her repeating these “jokes” against all efforts to change the topic shows something very clearly: She’s constantly thinking about sabotaging OP’s birth control.”
“And from there and living in OP’s house, it’s only a small step to actually follow through on this ‘joke’. Especially if she thinks that her ‘reward’ will be her heart’s desire – a child of her own, with her own DNA.”
“I have to agree, though: These aren’t “jokes”, these are threats. Take them seriously.” —melympia
“NTA . ‘She asked me if i’d be willing to have a baby and give it to her and i said no.'”
“After the above i would say that your sister is of questionable mental stability and you can not disregard her ‘jokes’. It would best to stay away from her.”
“P.S Are you twins? if you were that would really spice up the story.” —Dronerman
“If your partner tampers with birth control, it is aggravated sexual assault in a lot of places – it’s RAPE. If you sibling does it, to force an unwanted pregnancy? Legally it’s probably assault (don’t quote me on that), but morally? Ethically? It’s unforgivable.”
“‘Joking’ about it? That’s a joke in the same way telling someone you’re going to beat them black and blue and detailing every bone you’re going to break is a ‘joke’ – it’s a THREAT.” —Sashi_Dice
“NTA.”
“Anyone who objects to your refusal to host them in your home is more than welcome to roll out the welcome mat at their home.” —iaincaradoc
“There was an article I read years back that discussed how a certain type of ‘joke’ isn’t ever actually intended to be a joke. It’s about testing the waters, either to see if there’s like-minded listeners or to gauge how strongly someone might react if it were presented seriously.”
“Sister was 100% testing to see how easily she could get away with doing exactly what she’s threatening and who would support her afterwards.”
“OP needs to be VERY careful around her sister because that wasn’t joking, that is sister laying out her intended roadmap to getting herself a baby and seeing who, if anybody, would call her out for it, while she can still claim ‘it’s just a joke’ as plausible deniability.” —Greenbriars
Hopefully OP can stay clear of whatever her sister has planned.