Finding your personal style takes time and money. Some people don’t have that, so they look for inspiration from the people around them.
But when does it stop being flattering and starts being creepy?
Redditor ineedhelpyall09 encountered this very issue with her sister. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for not telling my sister’s friend where I get my clothes, how to dress more feminine, and banning them from my room?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (f18) have a twin sister Kate (f18) who has a friend named Jane (mtf 18) she discovered she was trans last year.”
“So since then she has been working towards being more feminine and stuff. My sister Kate has a more tomboyish style which suits her so well. While I on the other hand dress pretty girly.”
“I like pinks, florals, ruffles, and doing my makeup. It’s fun for me and my group of friends.”
“Recently Jane has been asking me for makeup tips to look more feminine. I offered her tips at first but she started messaging me a lot even though we are not friends.”
“So, I sent her a youtube playlist of makeup artists and fashion Youtubers I learned from so she would ask me less.”
“After that Jane starts asking me about my clothes and where I get them. One one occasion she asked where I got a certain top. I tell her and the next week she’s wearing it in a similar way I did. Which is fine because I don’t own the top.”
“But last week I posted a dress on my VSCO as a way of showing people my prom dress. And Jane purchases it after liking my photo.”
OP felt a little uncomfortable.
“I know I don’t own clothes but after that I felt a little miffed.”
“The final straw for me was Jane and Kate looking at my room for clothes when I came back from soccer practice. With Kate and Jane trying on my clothes without my permission.”
“I was pissed off and told them to get out.”
“Jane has a muscular build and stretched some of my LSF skirts which retail at $300-$600 and since then when Jane asked for the brands I shop with I would say ‘you tried on half of them didn’t you look at the tags.'”
“Kate says I’m being stupid trying to gatekeeper things I don’t own but I told her Jane and herself have no respect for my privacy and ruined expensive items. AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“Yep, I was ready to call her TA until I got to the part where Jane and her sister were in her room going through her stuff without her permission. That’s not ok.” ~ catcat712
“This girl is literally trying to mimic her style, they’re also young.”
“OP has worked to crafter her own identity and personal style. It’s frustrating when someone decides they want to copy it. Like, why can’t Jane work on crafting her own style instead of outright copying everything OP does?”
“ETA – NTA. OP is allowed to feel frustrated at what is happening.”
“Jane is allowed to explore her own style and yes we learn by mimicking, we are humans and that’s how we develop. But trying someone else’s clothes on is seriously a**holish. And yeah, the twin said yes but this is still a violation and OPs property was still damaged and that’s on twin and Jane.” ~ ceejiesqueejie
“Especially when it’s her prom dress…” ~ bayleebugs
“There was a prom dress retailer where I went to school who would note down the dress, color, and the school’s dance you were attending and not sell the same dress to anyone else attending that prom.” ~ chatondedanger
“My entire class had a fb group for prom that everyone posted a picture of their dress in when they bought it so no one bought the same one.” ~ shapiro18
OP was just asking for a little respect.
“Yep, people have no idea how frustrating this could be.”
“I had a pretty tomboyish, 80’s influenced style when I was 20yo. My ‘best friend,’ who got that standard next door girl outfit, started to copy it after she heard others complimenting me.”
“At first, I was happy she liked what I did – funny how naïve I was back then lol Then it started to get uncomfortable. She looked like my exact copy both hair and clothes-wise. People found it cute they told me she looked like my little sister and I felt petty every time I mentioned it’s fucking weird.”
“Later I found out she told everyone new I copied her because I’m insecure and a loser. You can never trust someone who’s mimicking you, it’s a sign of insecurity or mental illness.” ~ Brilliant_Moose8926
“My now fiance but best friend at the time’s ex-gf did something similar to me when she was trying to get back together w/ him.”
“She had butt length hair (like really beautiful hair), and dressed sorta bland (like t-shirts, hoodies, and jeans). Suddenly cut it all off (I had a super short bob from a grown out pixie at the time) and started wearing all the same type of pastel-goth/80’s punk style stuff I did.”
“The peak of it was her going into our HS prom dress group and literally returning her dress to get one the same length and color as mine a few days after I posted.”
“It’s def a sign of obsession/mental illness in a lot of people bc even though he and I haven’t seen her in 8.5 years and we’re literally planning our city hall wedding for Dec (stupid virus)…. she’ll randomly sic people onto me on social media and send me random anons on tumblr still. She also did the same ‘ooooh she’s copyiiiing me crieeees’ stuff with people too and it was hilarious bc I’d dressed like that since junior high.” ~ etddd
“There seems to be a lot of people, when they first start transitioning, who copy others styles. Down to the makeup, clothes, brands, sometimes piercings. Especially if they haven’t been out for very long. And then slowly the style sort of develops into their own style as they become more confident and comfortable with who they are.”
“It does not make it ok to invade someone’s space though. Absolutely Ta for that. But I can understand someone copying a style.” ~ Captainam3ricka
OP is in a tough situation.